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Feeling like you will never find someone so perfect for you again and then you do... sucess stories?


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I'm finding it really difficult right now to imagine finding anyone else who is so suited to me as my ex was.

 

I know that a lot of others feel this way after a break up and I would like to know if anyone has managed to find someone who they are even more compatable with? And love more too?

 

I think I would feel a lot better about the whole thing if I thought there was someone else out there for me...

 

Thanks

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Hi Snoopy

 

I to would be interested in this.

It pains me that it took me 10 years to find someone I was so attracted to and I hate the thought I have to wait another 10 years for anyone else to come close.

 

Also I’m 37 next month which makes me feel even more depressed about the whole situation. I don’t want to settle, I rather grow old alone, which I think I’m probably on my way to doing!

 

I’m sure you will get lots of positives replies.

 

x

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I've felt similar to that after most of my breakups. At least, all of the breakups that I didn't initiate. If you weren't the one who ended it, then odds are you didn't want it to end because you still want that person. And if you want this specific person, it's hard to imagine wanting anyone else equally.

 

But each time, after I got over that person & that breakup I was able to find someone else I liked just as much. If I didn't, then I probably wouldn't have dated them.

 

It is kind of a sucky feeling to feel like the one person in this world that you want is the only one you can't have. Eventually you get over them & find that you CAN develop feelings for another person. Maybe the relationship with that person won't be exactly the same.. in fact it won't be.. but that doesn't mean you won't enjoy it just as much, if not more.

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this is how i feel right now all. that i will never feel for anyone the way i felt for him. and i won't find a good fit like him. but i just tell myself thats the grief talking and i keep telling myself stay optimistc and be patient. in the end, somehow everything always ends up being ok. after my first love, i loved again. no reason i won't love again after this one.

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I have a success story for you ...

 

For about a year I could barely function, the pain was so bad. My ex and I were "on and off", and it was just "on" enough to keep me hanging on to the hope that we'd work out.

 

Fast-forward to about seven months ago, he finally broke it off "for good" (via text message!), and for once I just let him walk away. I think I was just sick of it by then, you know? So by this time I had been in a haze for about a year. I'd dated tons of other people, but I couldn't get this guy out of my head.

 

Well I met this guy about five months ago online. I didn't think I'd like him-he seemed way out of my "geek" range. But I met up with him for sushi anyway, since he lived so close to my school. It just made sense.

 

It took one date for me to see that this person had so much more than my ex did. One date! A random internet date ended in my meeting someone that proved me totally wrong about my ex.

 

Anyway, the rest is history. The sushi guy and I have been together since, and I've never known love quite like this before.

 

I don't know if that's exactly what you were looking for, but I hope that at least gives you some hope. You might not see how it's possible now, but there ARE other people that can give you MORE than what your ex did. That's why they are your ex

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You can read my threads.

 

My ex dumped me about three months ago. I went on PoF just about the next day thinking it would take me a good year or two to meet someone nice.

 

Well someone nice e-mailed literally the next day. We got to talking. I told him I wasn't ready to date.

 

He drove 4.5 hours out to meet as "friends" and stayed the weekend in my city. He was a thorough gentleman. I felt absolutely nothing for him and just wished he would leave so I could obsess about my ex some more. I treated him very kindly, but showed no interest.

 

A few days later, he told me he wanted to come and visit again. I shrugged and said whatever (but this time I did not add a diatribe about how I wasn't ready to date). He came back and again we spent the weekend; this time I let him stay in my guest room. Well, you get to know a lot about someone when he is staying in your house. I started noticing what a kind and gentle man he was, and how much we had in common. He cleaned up after himself, was kind and considerate, changed a bulb for me. He was twice the man my ex was and didn't say mean things like my ex did on the very first date. He had pretty eyes.

 

On the second day, very shyly, he asked if he could kiss me. I didn't feel all that much but I went through the motions. He wanted to come back the next week and I told him to hold off.

 

Meanwhile, two months after I got dumped, my dumper finally broke NC and called. I ignored him. I finally knew I was over him and did not want him back, and I was free.

 

This fellow came back a third time. All those little observations about how kind he was and how sweet and how beautiful his eyes were, and how softly he kissed came together, and I started feeling quite warmly towards him. The ice finally broke, and much smooching and a relationship has ensued.

 

The ex turns 40 Sunday...a month or two ago, I was agonizing over whether or not to call. Today I realized I had almost forgotten his birthday. Anyway, my--well, I guess now he is a boyfriend--is coming over on Monday, so Sunday I will be busy cleaning the house, and I really don't even remember the ex.

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I had an on and off relationship with my ex for 5 years, we finally got married and stayed together for 7 nightmarish years (he was very engry, narcissistic and emotionally abusive). We divorced and went our separate ways. I was in my mid-30's and was petrified of being on the dating scene again, afraid no one would want me.

 

I met my current husband in an online game, flew 1500 miles to meet him, we clicked like no tomorrow... we're celebrating our 3rd wedding anniversary this year and have a gorgeous 18 month old daughter.

 

Never say never....

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This is exactly what I needed today. I'm feeling a bit down about losing my ex today and It's great to see some success stories of others finding someone better! Right now I feel like there is no one out there that can make me as happy as she did. Let's hope that's not true!

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All these posts are fantastic news and I'm delighted for every single success story, as this site ( while always inspiration, and I couldn't have coped without it ), can sometimes make a guy wonder whether it's worth even bothering with love, as it seems to cause so many so much pain.

 

BUT

 

The unfortunate fact for some of us is we don't have x number of relationships in our past. Many on here by their mid twenties have already had a number of proper relationships behind them, and will, by the very nature of the kind of person they are, keep meeting people, having relationships, and eventually find "the one" or someone compatible.

 

What about the small number of us, who, through no fault of their own, just don't click very often with the opposite sex, apart from once every 10/15/20 years or so, and who maybe live in a very small pool of potential partners?

 

You can't just make a blanket statement to everyone "you'll be happy soon" or "you'll meet the right one" etc. In many cases, I'm sorry to say, some people just aren't that lucky

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The unfortunate fact for some of us is we don't have x number of relationships in our past. Many on here by their mid twenties have already had a number of proper relationships behind them, and will, by the very nature of the kind of person they are, keep meeting people, having relationships, and eventually find "the one" or someone compatible.

 

What about the small number of us, who, through no fault of their own, just don't click very often with the opposite sex, apart from once every 10/15/20 years or so, and who maybe live in a very small pool of potential partners?

 

You can't just make a blanket statement to everyone "you'll be happy soon" or "you'll meet the right one" etc. In many cases, I'm sorry to say, some people just aren't that lucky

 

You need to find happiness with yourself. Don't totally give up thinking that you will ever find someone compatible, but at the same time don't hold off on life until you find "the one". Being in a relationship can be part of your life, but it shouldn't be your whole life.

 

You know, humans are one of the few species that think monogamy for life is the way it's supposed to be. Can you find happiness living your life with several shorter relationships that survive a year or two, or more but that eventually cease, where you then begin start the cycle over, being single, then eventually dating someone else for a while, then breaking up, and it continues...? You may not be happy right after each breakup, but you would experience happiness again with each new relationship. I've heard of plenty of people that didn't find a partner until their 50's or 60's.

 

Even people that are "happily married ever after". It's never said & done until you're dead.

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All of these messages are great! Thank guys, really gives me hope

 

The funny thing is, I have loved again since my first love so I know that it IS possible. My first boyfriend didn't treat me very well but I loved him with all my heart. So when we ended it helped to think that he was a * * * * and I could do better... BUT with my most recent ex... he was lovely in every way and so now I don't think I can find anyone better because he was about as good as it got...

 

 

Everyone keeps telling me that it will be fine and I will find someone better and while I do believe them a small part of me knows that it doesn't happen for everyone, like you said Stu.

 

But keep posting guys, theese really help!!

 

x

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What about the small number of us, who, through no fault of their own, just don't click very often with the opposite sex, apart from once every 10/15/20 years or so, and who maybe live in a very small pool of potential partners?

 

I am like you. I literally did not go on my first date or have my first boyfriend until I was 24. And I have a feeling most people cannot possibly live in a smaller pool of partners than I; I have a wonderful career as a professor, but it is in a very remote and rural town of 3000 people 3.5 hours from a major city. I am in a religious and ethnic minority which makes it much harder in a rural area. I am also extremely shy.

 

In order to begin meeting people and having relationships, I had to do the following: I had to drop a number of my more unnecessary criteria about what I was looking for in a man, and I had to be open to building things with people whom I might not necessarily have "clicked" on the first few meetings. I had to reconcile myself to the idea that I might have to do something nontraditional like an LDR or I might have to drop my hard-won tenure-track position which I spent about a decade aiming at, and move to a place with a bigger pool of potential partners. I had to move on quickly from failed relationships and get back out there. I had to try the Internet, etc. Finding and screening people, even online, is not easy for either men or women. Some days it felt like a part time job.

 

All of this was very unpleasant. But I eventually just asked myself--are love, marriage, and family something I want in my life, and are they a priority for me--enough that I am willing to make compromises in other areas of my life (geography, career, etc.)? In my 20's I would have said no, but now the answer is unequivocally yes. So after I did this whole reassessment of my life, meeting men became easier. Not easy, but easier.

 

I hope that helped.

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This is nice..

I joined link removed a couple days after my initial break up in Feb..someone caught my eye, I emailed him we emailed for about a week. my ex said he wanted to try and work it out.. so I told the match guy I could only be friends, He said okay no problem.

so we continued to talk

Ex strung me along for the past 5 weeks. 2 weeks ago he blew me off and stopped talking to me... so 2 weeks ago the day after he blew me off for the second time, I agreed to dinner with match man.

We are going on date three tomorrow.

I told him I need to take it slow he said that is ok, because I am worth it... hes very nice and a perfect gentleman. he wants everything my ex didn't.

Its not a success story yet.. b/c yes I am still upset over the break up and this new guy and I are still getting to know eachother.

but it is possible to start to have feelings toward someone else, and enjoy someone elses company.

this thread made me realize that maybe at first you think there isn't a chance anyone will measure up.. but with time, once you let go.. someone will

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The thing that gets me about this board and threads like this one is that 9 times out of 10, the people saying they met someone new are always female. Like it isn't 1000x easier for girls. A girl makes a link removed profile and gets 10 winks within 5min. A guy makes one and it's usually weeks before he gets 1 wink, and most likely it's from an unattractive girl with 2 kids from 2 different men. Where are all the guys success stories?

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i can attest to this. i first found this forum when i was going through the worst break up i could ever imagine 3-4 years ago (it was all very horrible, i know, but honestly i can't completely remember what made it so extra horrible!) but suffice it to say for months i was a wreck, cried every day for months, couldn't concentrate on anything, was no fun, etc, etc.

 

well, then once i had mostly dug myself out of my hole of misery i met my (now) fiance. well, actually we "re-met" (we went to HS together but then "met" halfway accross the country where we were both going to grad school). my relationship with my fiance is worlds different from my old relationship. it is SO MUCH healthier and because of that it makes me a happier, more confident and independent person. it's great. he is truly amazing and a really good match for me. i can't wait to marry him and i am confident that we'll have a very very happy life together.

 

i won't lie, i do still think about my ex from time to time, but i know that in the long run a life with him really would have been miserable for me. we just weren't a good match. as much as it pains me to say so, i really do agree with his statement (when he dumped me) that someday i would thank him for this...

 

well, of course, i don't actually thank him because I haven't talked to him in years (also one of the best decisions i've made. i highly recommend it!!!)

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The thing that gets me about this board and threads like this one is that 9 times out of 10, the people saying they met someone new are always female. Like it isn't 1000x easier for girls. A girl makes a link removed profile and gets 10 winks within 5min. A guy makes one and it's usually weeks before he gets 1 wink, and most likely it's from an unattractive girl with 2 kids from 2 different men. Where are all the guys success stories?

 

I don't know how easy it is for other women. I can tell you that due to my life circumstances and also my personality, it has *not* been easy for me.

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i'm 38. split with my ex of 3 years nearly 12 months ago. she is the only person i have wanted to settledown with.same for her too. it is so much harder to meet someone when i am nearer 40 than 30. been making efforts the last 6 months with limited success, so few opportunities. everyone seems settled down. i feel a bit of anxiety when i wonder if i will meet someone else in the next few years. feels so much easier to just contact the ex but i know i will stick to NC. it is definitely easier for women to find someone else. they are the ones who get asked out and can pick and choose. men have to make all the effort.

 

i wont be able to move on fully until i've met that new person

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I was enjoying this thread until the gender issue was raised. I've had no problems finding girls over the past 12 months, I'm even one of the lucky ones who gets plenty of winks and mails etc, but I also agree that they're mostly from the less appealing variety with umpteen kids.

 

It does get me down that physically I may not find someone as cute and gorgeous as my ex, but I have to remember for as aestethically pleasing as she was, she wasn't a very good partner who dropped me (twice) at the blink of an eye, and didn't make me very happy some times; even though I was 6 months from marrying her. I will continue to have faith that the right person is out there looking for me right now, just as I am her.

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reading the first page of replies really made me happy i hope one day a man will come along who really needs, wants and appreciates the love & care i have to give, which my ex just didn't appreciate.

 

You will....just never give up hope!

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