Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"

  1. #1
    kodak
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    183

    "No Good Deed Goes Unpunished"

    What does this phrase mean to you? If you learned its truth thru experience, share the experience....

    I was talking to a friend who had never heard that expression before. After I explained some various interpretations to him, he basically reacted as if that were proof that one shouldn't do good deeds. What do you think?
    Last edited by kodak; 03-26-2010 at 05:42 PM.

  2. #2
    scared and alone
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Posts
    1,823
    I think it can mean a lot of things. I hate that when I try to do something good or help someone out and they don't give a crap or don't even say thank you or even get an attitude. Um, i'm trying to help YOU out out of the goodness of my heart, don't be a freaking jerk.

  3. #3
    kodak
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Posts
    183
    lol, I know what you mean. I once took care of a dying exbf's parent for a few months -- a scary, stressful, unusual emotional sad, interesting, life-affirming experience -- and at the end of it all the father gave me a check (a small amt of $) saying that he didn't want to feel like he owed me anything and would rather turn this into a business transaction than keep it an emotionally-charged shared experience. (That wasn't the only "punishment" I received from that experience, but it was still like a little slap in the face.)

  4. #4
    Samedy
    Platinum Member Samedy's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Calgary
    Posts
    1,937
    Gender
    Male
    When I hear this, I think about the last place I worked. If you were a cooperative person, who works hard, and gets things done, the consequence is you get more work and get the more difficult tasks. Whereas if you are a difficult employee (calling in sick when you don't like the schedule, causing problems when things don't go your way), you tend to get what you want and get less work...

  5. #5
    tiredofvampires
    Forum Supporter tiredofvampires's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    In this world but not of it
    Age
    48
    Posts
    7,823
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    864
    Quote Originally Posted by kodak
    saying that he didn't want to feel like he owed me anything and would rather turn this into a business transaction than keep it an emotionally-charged shared experience. (That wasn't the only "punishment" I received from that experience, but it was still like a little slap in the face.)
    OUCH. That's a pretty hard buzzkill.

    I've had many an experience, like you've described, kodak. Ones I'd describe as scary, stressful, unusually emotionally sad, interesting, life-affirming, and for me, illuminating (including the caring for a dying exbf's parent, only there was no money offered to me, thank god) where the OP's saying could have applied. But the way I see it is...the only one who is punished is the person who takes others' goodness for granted in the end. I am a firm believer in karma, and for this reason, it's like putting money in a bank account to slowly accumulate, and I may not see the results of that "investment" until much later, or maybe in ways I never expected (and could be totally unrelated). And they may not be the stuff of Hollywood, but of very quiet revelations. It may have nothing to do with the "good deed" that I felt wasn't "rewarded", but rather "punished." Good deeds are gambles in the short term, but in the long term....they make me more of what I want to be, and I would prefer to keep trying to be what I'd like to be (and see) in a more rewarding, better world.

    I guess for me it's a kind of defiance in a way, too...if bad responses to me make me stop trying to do anything good, then other people are in control of me, I'm not in control of what kind of person I am. I don't wish to be determined or manipulated this way. "If you can't lick 'em, join 'em" is not my motto.

    In the short term, though, it can really blow, yes. The ego wants its day. Everyone wants appreciation. Everyone wants to know that having faith in something good isn't a thankless proposal.
    Last edited by tiredofvampires; 03-24-2010 at 02:55 PM.

  6. #6
    hexaemeron

    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    BLAM!
    Age
    37
    Posts
    6,083
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    I've actually said this to both of my long-term live-in boyfriends (the current one, and the one before him) -- Both of them had issues finding work, contributing financially. Both basically became hermits and isolated themselves in video games, gained a huge amount of weight and blamed me for not being an active enough role in their lives to prevent them from becoming heavy shut ins.

    Yeah, so sorry I was the only one working and providing, commuting two hours each way, coming home to nasty, mean, passive-aggressive people too riddled with their own issues to take care of themselves for even one day.

    But, you know, the tens of thousands of dollars I spent providing for them. That's my fault too, apparently.

    Still a bit of a sore topic for me.

  7. #7
    tiredofvampires
    Forum Supporter tiredofvampires's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    In this world but not of it
    Age
    48
    Posts
    7,823
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    864
    Quote Originally Posted by hexaemeron [Register to see the link]
    I've actually said this to both of my long-term live-in boyfriends (the current one, and the one before him) -- Both of them had issues finding work, contributing financially. Both basically became hermits and isolated themselves in video games, gained a huge amount of weight and blamed me for not being an active enough role in their lives to prevent them from becoming heavy shut ins.

    Yeah, so sorry I was the only one working and providing, commuting two hours each way, coming home to nasty, mean, passive-aggressive people too riddled with their own issues to take care of themselves for even one day.

    But, you know, the tens of thousands of dollars I spent providing for them. That's my fault too, apparently.

    Still a bit of a sore topic for me.
    My longest relationship was with a guy a lot like this. I wasn't supporting him financially but I felt emotionally that I was constantly picking up the pieces and cleaning up the messes. It's just an awful, awful, toxic and dysfunctional way to live.

    So I'd differentiate between a toxic imbalance of power and contribution and support in a relationship, with doing good deeds and being punished. Even though your heart was definitely in the right place and you hoped it would pan out. Been there, myself.

    But sometimes the line is pretty thin, I grant you that. It comes down to how much give-and-take a particular relationship requires, I think. Some require reciprocity more than others, and sometimes it's more palatable/acceptable to think of never being reciprocated in a direct fashion. One has to be very aware of one's boundaries and motives and expectations in the doing, as well as the nature of the relationship demanding such things.
    Last edited by tiredofvampires; 03-24-2010 at 03:14 PM.

  8. #8
    DirectDingo
    Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2010
    Location
    Manchester
    Age
    27
    Posts
    37
    Gender
    Male
    Such a negative way to think. Karma always comes back around. Sometimes we don't see the effects of our actions, quite often in fact. The truth is a lot of things go on that we have no understanding or knowledge of. "There are more things in heaven and earth than are dreamt of in our philosophy."

    You just need to take the good from whatever you did and walk away. By being bitter, cynical or negative about the good things you've done for people, you're effectively killing off the positive and turning it into something negative. Truth is, if everyone thought this way, there'd be no room for good in society. You carry that negativity around with you and the only person it hurts is you.

    If you want to be seen as a cynical pessimist, then this kind of philosophy might work for you. In my opinion it's not a nice way to be, or to think. Everything happens for a reason. There are good things in this world and if you don't believe it then it's you who loses out.

  9. #9
    Celadon
    Platinum Member Celadon's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Posts
    3,257
    Quote Originally Posted by Samedy [Register to see the link]
    When I hear this, I think about the last place I worked. If you were a cooperative person, who works hard, and gets things done, the consequence is you get more work and get the more difficult tasks. Whereas if you are a difficult employee (calling in sick when you don't like the schedule, causing problems when things don't go your way), you tend to get what you want and get less work...
    ^ Yes, this. The phrase to me refers to a necessarily cynical outlook born of circumstances that are at best unfair and at worst completely opposite what they should be.

    It's like when you take responsibility to get make a situation better and then something goes wrong and everyone gets mad at you -- even though they didn't lift a finger to help in the first place. It's just wrong, wrong, wrong.

  10.  

Top Threads
Does anyone here struggle to get to work on time? Am I alone?
I have struggled to get to work on time my whole life. I couldn’t even get to class on time in high school. I remember my first class freshman year
Anyone had a dark chapter in their life that lasted a few years?
About 2 years ago I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease in November 2014...then my dog of 16 years died a month later...then my grandma fell
Been living in my car for 6 months
I have been living in my car for the last 6 months and been enjoying it. I was working a retail job and only making $8.50 an hr. I been there for
in need of breaking free
:emptiness: ever feel like you are going through life without a purpose , you are just empty and you have no reason to live .. that's how I've been
Overcoming bad social habits OR how to rediscover your self
The most common piece of advice out there seems to be "be your self" The problem is that so many of us have spent so long not being our self that it
I'd like to thank this place, update
For those of you on here who are down and out, I want you all to know it will get better and just tough it out. I was on here about 2 years ago
Coming Clean and Purging
I've been actively working to better myself for 9 years now and sometimes I still feel like "what's the point?" I still fight with my thoughts more

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Weird crazy breakup
Here goes. We was together 4 and a half years, lived together for the most of that with her grandparents, yeah moved in pretty quick because of
is my bf racist? is there a future?
I am a bit dumbfounded and confused.. pls comment.. I have been dating my bf for 3 years. I look asian and he looks european. Things have not always
Great conversation but she Ghosted me?!
When I asked for her phone number, she kinda looked at me (the really dude? face). I knew it was over, but seriously it bothers me that we had a
My Girlfriend's Extreme Anger and Dramatic Behavior Are Ruining Our Relationship
This is gonna be a long one. Bear with me.. Okay, so this is my absolute first post on any forum ever. I am a 21 year old male, and I am currently in
Wrapping your head around an incurable condition
How does one do that ? While my condition is not fatal it is incurable and my life quality will steadily deteriorate over time. Most possible will
My mom kept a secret for 28 years
I'm 28 years old, my mom always told me to not sleep around, said she never slept w anyone till she got married, etc. well randomly tonight she tells
Confusing relationship with ex
So my ex and I broke up about 3 months ago. There was a lot of hurt, I was really depressed for the first weeks until I got back on my feet and
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •