Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 8 of 8

Thread: What is a healthy father/son relationship?

  1. #1
    Mr. Rosewater
    Member Mr. Rosewater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    71

    What is a healthy father/son relationship?

    Could someone describe to me what a fairly healthy father/son relationship looks like so I can decide if I have one. I'm pretty sure I don't. I'm the son by the way.

  2. #2
    wayoverit
    Silver Member wayoverit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    472
    Healthy is when son and father can talk as good friends.

    Unhealthy is when there are minimal conversations.. like a distant relative.

  3. #3
    thejigsup
    Platinum Member thejigsup's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Los Angeles, CA
    Age
    60
    Posts
    7,647
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    407
    A healthy father/son relationship looks differently at different ages. What worked at three won't work at ten and nothing works at fifteen! A great parent/child relationship is when all is said and done, you've learned something from your father and he has molded you into someone to be proud of. It is also true that you will change you father for the better, also. This all takes time, but if you have a good relationship, you will see it sooner or later.

  4. #4
    melrich
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    8,317
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    There really is no "perfect model". I have seen many different sorts of father/son relationships that work. I think as the others have mentioned, good communication is essential but it is in any relationship.

    Ideally there is love, mutual respect and a familial bond.

    But really, the easier way to appraoch this is to tell us what you feel is not right about your relationship with your Dad.

  5. #5
    Mr. Rosewater
    Member Mr. Rosewater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    71
    Quote Originally Posted by wayoverit [Register to see the link]
    Healthy is when son and father can talk as good friends.

    Unhealthy is when there are minimal conversations.. like a distant relative.
    Yep. I was right. It's not good.

  6. #6
    Mr. Rosewater
    Member Mr. Rosewater's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Posts
    71
    Quote Originally Posted by melrich [Register to see the link]
    There really is no "perfect model". I have seen many different sorts of father/son relationships that work. I think as the others have mentioned, good communication is essential but it is in any relationship.

    Ideally there is love, mutual respect and a familial bond.

    But really, the easier way to appraoch this is to tell us what you feel is not right about your relationship with your Dad.

    Honestly I just don't enjoy his company. He is a classic ADHD case that refuses to recognize that A) this is a diagnosis worthy of addressing and B) even if he thinks it is worth addressing his response is that he has made it work for him. What he doesn't understand is that he has alienated his wife and his children. My Mom drinks every night, my sister and I live in states far away. At first opportunity to come visit his grandson he didn't come because he had a prior engagement.

    I realized that this is how he has been his whole life. All about him. I used to HATE IT when he would come home from work...he would always rant and rave endlessly at the dinner table about employees performing poorly etc. My family life wasn't fun at all it was always stressful! And then he wanted me to take over the business!!! What was my incentive? Witnessing the stress and anguish it caused him? I just don't think he gets it. And then the perverse irony of it all is he is always going on about the importance of family but has NO CLUE how to maintain a healthy one.

    He is just like Willie Lohman in "Death of a Salesman" and I'm Biff. (For those of you who like plays and literary references). He extols the virtues of hard work and "ambition" (one of his favorite words) but his has brought our family precious little of anything. Making $$$$ is less than half of raising a family IMHO.

    Well....I'm covering all od this in therapy and what I'm realizing is that I never allowed myself to be ANGRY at him before. But I'm learning that that is OK. And that's good.

    I vent therefore I am. Thanks for listening.

  7. #7
    wayoverit
    Silver Member wayoverit's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Posts
    472
    Your father's generation is all about procurement and making every dollar count and that includes the togetherness of a family. He grew up with a generation (your grandparents) who went through life-and-death hardship. You did not witness people having to eat tree roots so you cannot even begin to imagine what survival means. He expects understanding from you and need every bit of teamwork and agreement from you. His primary goal is to lay the foundation for you. Of course, they also lack the communication skills to convince you. I think if you meet him half way and be less resistant your relationship may become better. After all, his intention is all good. You just need to show him you understand his goal and that you can do even better with what he has taught you. Like thejigsup said, it will take time for you to change your father for the better. But it will have to start with you.

  8. #8
    FarthestEdge
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Posts
    1,959
    What I was taught in uni was this;

    Barring the existence of an unbalanced power dynamic, a relationship is functional if all the people in it believe it to be.

    So as long as neither you or your father feel abused, intimidated, threatened or otherwise coerced into specific behaviors in the relationship, if you both feel it is working for you, then it is....

  9.  

Top Threads
I'm a prisoner.
Hello everyone, I'm a young mother. Very capable of doing things on my own however, my family was struggling at home financially. So I moved in to
I do so much, yet get so little
My wife seems bipolar, but I'm pretty sure she's not. She tells me she loves me, almost every day, yet treats me like crap every day. I feel like I
Overheard a bad conversation between my fiancée's sister and cousin about me.
Hey there. My fiancée (25) and I (24) have been together since high school. We have an apartment that we are going to move into once the wedding is
Difficult Grandma/Landlord
My fiance and I recently moved to South Carolina from Indiana. We decided to move into a guest house on the same lot as my grandma's house that she

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Which credit card debt should I start paying first?
Have $500 to pay one first and wanted to ask which one I should pay first The one that I owe $ 700 or $2900? Thanks a lot
Am I Being Body Shamed by my boyfriend?
Let me just start by saying I am a pretty tiny person. I would say I'm "model-skinny" so to speak, but I don't starve myself by any means. I am
My girlfriend constantly makes flirtatious jokes about other guys to me. Help?
So, my girlfriend constantly (and I mean constantly, we're probably talking maybe 5 times or so every time we hang out?) makes comments about other
He's just not ready?! - What I've learned and your views please
Dear All, I've read so much around this and feel I've made a good strong decision but I'm looking for your thoughts. 4 weeks ago I met a guy
Am I getting cold feet?
My partner and I have been engaged for about a year now and have been together for over three years. We are an older couple so we both know what we
What should I do about my controlling parents?
I am 20, still living with my parents and they control my life. They won't allow me to online date but I do it anyway. They check my phone every day
Should I reach out to him after he disappeared?
I went on handful of dates with a guy, and after our last date I decided not to initiate any more (it was like 50% me before) and see what he does
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •