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Thread: 500 Days of Summer: a textbook commitment-phobe?

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by icarus27
    Erm sorry, you completely missed the point. The point is, something as ridiculous as peeing on people is wrong whatever the circumstances. What kind of jack-*** world of moral relativism does someone have to live in, where they think peeing on someone is only wrong conditional on whether the victim likes it or not? (I.e. whether they are staying or leaving?)

    (yes, you're right, I can't believe I'm having this convo either)
    It's not a matter of whether the way someone treats another is right or wrong. It's a matter of dealing with it in a way that's best for the person being treated in a manner less than what they feel they deserve. If they're gonna settle for less, they're going to end up with even less than what they thought they settled for. When a person reveals their intentions honestly, then it's clear what's in store. If it's not acceptable, then continuing to hang around is to set oneself up for disapointment.
    Last edited by jul-els; 03-17-2010 at 08:34 PM. Reason: typo

  2. #22
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    I thought it was a great movie and spoke to a lot about relationships- how some aren't going to last, how sometimes we (from Tom's perspective) get disappointed, how we (from Summer's perspective) are in situations where our partner wants more from us than we are able to give.

    I didn't think either character was wrong, or needy, or callous, or anything negative. They had some wonderful times together, but it was finite.

    The guy knew going in that she didn't want a serious relationship, and he hoped against hope that she would change her mind. The girl really liked the guy, but not enough to fully commit and fall in love. They break up, she moves on, and so, eventually will he.

    It's the way it often works in real life.

  3. #23
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    Dude it's just a movie. Stop being so bitter and projecting your issues with women on to everything! Many of your posts/threads seem to reflect this. And I'm a man, so no feminism goin' on here.

  4. #24
    Silver Member mr.mac's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=jettison;4121387] Are people any other way? People's feelings and emotions change. That's the very nature of feelings. They aren't static. If they were, you'd be a robot. Everyone is "sometimes fun and exciting" and "sometimes disagreeable". No one is exempt.[QUOTE]

    There is a difference between feelings changing and being difficult and complicated for the sake of being difficult and complicated. There are many scenes of her being very passive aggressive with Tom. Look at the bar scene when Tom got in a fight. Was he looking for validation? Of course he was, but did he deserve her to be snotty with him after the fact? No, but she was and then she sent him away. Only after he was gone did she want him. And then she went to him because it was what she wanted. But what about what he wanted earlier in the night? That's the rub and what I often deal with. When I want something there is almost no flexibility, but when she wants something I'm expected to acquiesce. There's a difference between having a bad day and being self-centered.

    Anyway, I don't hate Summer because, honestly, Zooey Deschanel is just too adorable to dislike.

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  6. #25

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    This is exactly what I was talking about. In this case, he should have cut his losses. He KNEW how she was, but he stuck around, hoping and waiting. He was wrong. He's not a bad guy for doing that, but he let hope blind him to reality. And at the end of the day, it's his responsibility to look out for his own well-being.

  7. #26
    Silver Member mr.mac's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by hexaemeron
    This is exactly what I was talking about. In this case, he should have cut his losses. He KNEW how she was, but he stuck around, hoping and waiting. He was wrong. He's not a bad guy for doing that, but he let hope blind him to reality. And at the end of the day, it's his responsibility to look out for his own well-being.
    Right on, hex. I know that in that instance I am exactly like Tom and, like I said, it's hard for me to be mad at her when I know that I allow it to happen. But, it's hard to let go when she's all cute and stuff half the time.

  8. #27
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    Mr Mac,

    You don't need folks on here to tell you this, but if the situation is, you acquiesce all the time while she remains inflexible, that doesn't sound to me like a good situation. More like an unfair one.

    But you have to be the one who knows the balance of how much you give and how much you get from this woman. So I have to leave it to you ...

    On a different note,
    I am quite surprised by how vigorously people rise to defend what is, in the least, quite self-centred behaviour (the Summer character). The onus seems to be on meek people (like Tom) to protect themselves from self-centred people (like Summer), for no other reason than the right of self-centred people to continue to be who they are, self-centred.

    I fundamentally disagree with this, whether the person is man or woman. For those of you who have effectively told me to be quiet, I shouldn't have to be saying it on this forum, but my viewpoint is just as valid as yours. I have a right to express what I feel here, if that is informed by my real-life experiences, so be it.

    Mac, regardless of how cute she can be sometimes, if she at some point let you go, I have a feeling, after all you've done for her, your attitude would be less forgiving. But I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that.

  9. #28

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    I'm sorry, but any guy who finds himself sleeping with some absurdly over-the-top beautiful and adorable woman, who is even half what Zoey is.... boo hoo with your problems. How can anyone feel sorry for you? This character gave every sign about how difficult she would be, and it was certainly a HUGE part of the guy's attraction toward her. It's the possessive ownership thing that turned her off to begin with. The "I've just been run over by a truck" thing is cute for women at the beginning, but if the man doesn't snap out of it a little at some point then he's placing himself strictly in the dormat category, and she's going to have no other choice but to walk on him when he throws himself at her feet.

    "I'm sorry sweetheart, did I make daddy mad? I promise, it won't happen again."

    Of course you know that it will, but are you going to walk away from her? Of course you won't. And do you really expect anyone to feel bad for you? Maybe someone will, but it won't be me. Love is finite. You had a great ride. Now cheer up and realize that you don't own another human being.

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  10. #29
    Platinum Member Ms Darcy's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by enalover143
    Dude it's just a movie. Stop being so bitter and projecting your issues with women on to everything! Many of your posts/threads seem to reflect this.
    I agree with this.

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by jenny_mcs
    I thought it was a great movie and spoke to a lot about relationships- how some aren't going to last, how sometimes we (from Tom's perspective) get disappointed, how we (from Summer's perspective) are in situations where our partner wants more from us than we are able to give.

    I didn't think either character was wrong, or needy, or callous, or anything negative. They had some wonderful times together, but it was finite.

    The guy knew going in that she didn't want a serious relationship, and he hoped against hope that she would change her mind. The girl really liked the guy, but not enough to fully commit and fall in love. They break up, she moves on, and so, eventually will he.

    It's the way it often works in real life.
    I think you summed it up best. I think this same situation happened to alot of us and just we all look at it differently.

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