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Thread: Getting out of a friends with benefits? Help, Im already attached

  1. #1
    Bronze Member Shylight's Avatar
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    Getting out of a friends with benefits? Help, Im already attached

    I met a guy a little while ago - and from the day I met him there has been a mutual attraction between us. We have never been friends, only 'lovers'. He asked me out one day...only the next day to let me know he recently got out of a 3 year relationship and told me in the beginning he was not looking for a relationship. ( I understood, and we continued to sleep together and spend more time together like well, like we were together. He would invite me over, we would hang out, make dinner together and what not.

    At one point he said "You and I are kind of seeing eachother..." yet a week later to say "we're just having fun" when I mentioned I had no idea what was going on between us. I tried to accept this arrangement, but unfortuneatly I am getting attached to him - as I have found myself getting jealous when he doesn't talk with me or invite me anywhere. To be honest I think I subconsciously have been thinking if I hold onto the arrangement long enough he might want to date me....well, I realize this error and I am debating on whether or not to cop out of it. I would tell him the truth; that I am getting attached to him and for now I have to break it off because of that, but if he ever decides to date me then I'll be open to it.

    Yet I am terrified that if I break it off with him I might lose the potenial to date him. Truthfully I don't know if I could stand to be so distant from him like I would have to be if I broke it off, but at the same time its hard to not get attached.....I am so confused. Can anyone advise me on a way of saving that potenialness with him while saving myself?
    Last edited by sidehop; 03-16-2010 at 12:04 PM. Reason: Added paragraphs

  2. #2
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    I hate to say this but I am sure most people would say that you you lost the potential to date him when you set up the FWB thing.

    Please people, don't DO this to yourselves unless you're really sure...

    There's a reason people want sex without commitment, and it usually means they...

    ...want sex without commitment!

    BTW OP I would do as you say but without the bit about being there if he ever wants to date. Don't let him know that, let him have to make a decision whether he misses you or not and whether he likes the idea of you dating other guys. Not to play games, just don't let him think you're there whenever he wants - cos then little will have changed and he doesn't need to step up his game. He just might... good luck!

  3. #3

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    If he wanted to date you, he would. You can't agree to something, and then get mad when the situation doesn't change to meet your ulterior motive.

    I think you need to end this and move on to find someone who's actually into dating you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Jd1983's Avatar
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    Based on the start of your relationship, it would be really difficult for him to agree to something more exclusive. You set up agreements early on that it was strictly FWB, and I'm sure he's gotten used to that idea.

    If he truly felt that he wanted to change it, you would know that already.

    I know how you feel with wanting something more, because I had a FWB at one point, and I was getting really attached with him, but I decided to break things off because I knew that he wasn't looking for anything serious.

    I know it's hard, but it's for the best because you may probably end up getting hurt that your expectations are not being met.

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