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Girls: Is a 27 year old virgin male who has never kissed a girl attractive to you?


LightbulbSun

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No. I'm still young enough to be meeting guys who haven't had girlfriends. Although it would make me wonder why exactly it had never happened for him, if I still liked him a lot for his looks and his personality, I'd still date him.

 

However - a lack of previous experience would suggest to me that he lacked confidence, lacked an ability to go after what he wanted, and had a generally more introverted personality. There's nothing wrong with being that guy, but for me personally, I know that I like confident men.

 

But if this guy seemed to be confident and calm and happy, and just hadn't had it happen for him, I would be prepared to give him a chance. So long as it wasn't a front for a towering stack of nervous insecurity.

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Say that the reason for this lack of experience was because he's shy around attractive women. Would that be a turnoff?

 

I would be apathetic as to what his experience was. It might be kind of nice actually, as long as he wasn't insecure about me having some experience.

 

As for the shyness, I would help him get over it. If his shyness affected my social life (he didn't want to go out and was upset when I did with my friends), then that would be a turnoff.

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But if this guy seemed to be confident and calm and happy, and just hadn't had it happen for him, I would be prepared to give him a chance. So long as it wasn't a front for a towering stack of nervous insecurity.

 

Unless a 27 year old virgin is waiting for the right one, or is in love with Jebus, I really think that he's gonna be a nervous ball of insecurity that isn't high on confidence.

 

And he sure isn't gonna be calm.

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I wouldn't do it because I have had a lot of experience in LTRs, casual flings, one night stands, FWB. Most likely he wouldn't be able to "manage" me in the slightest. Someone with little experience needs a more shy and "nice" girl.

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Quirky, what exactly do you mean by 'handle you'?

 

I've seen this posted as a reason before, and I just don't understand it. There are millions of jerks and a**holes who have had tons of girlfriends and sexual partners, it doesn't make them any more better at handling a relationship.

 

I'm family oriented, I love kids, and even though I'm shy, I open up once you get to know me. I have friends who I've been friends with since middle school and high school, and I still get in touch with them. People generally seem to like me.

 

My problem is that whenever a girl shows interest in me, I tend to 'run away.' And forget making the first move...I get nervous enough when she makes the first move! I realize that this is a problem that I need to solve, if I ever want to be in a relationship with a girl, but if I got to know her, I'm pretty sure that I'd stop being scared. Therefore, I could "handle" a relationship.

 

Does it really make me 'damaged' or 'broken' because I haven't had a first love yet?

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I've seen this posted as a reason before, and I just don't understand it. There are millions of jerks and a**holes who have had tons of girlfriends and sexual partners, it doesn't make them any more better at handling a relationship.

 

How do you know you can handle a relationship when you haven't had one?

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How do you know you can handle a relationship when you haven't had one?

 

By establishing firm habits of communication with your partner from the beginning.

 

I guess I was blessed to have such a patient first girlfriend, me the 22 year old who had never been in a sexual relationship before (not had I been kissed before). It lasted 5 months and I just learned to communicate and go with the flow and not overanalyze. Navigated it well and learned a lot (she had one previous boyfriend), but it was no one's fault that it ended. The relationship itself seemed like no big deal. It's not like a high school drop out sitting it on a PhD course.

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I am certain you can handle a relationship, it's something that we all learn anyway in the process, noone is born knowing it.

 

What I meant was purely on a personal level. 2 out of the 5 LTRs I had was with guys much less experienced than me; 1 guy had one relationship before me and the other one had none. I felt ahead of them in many areas, assertiveness included. The other 2 were relationships with lots of sexual difficulties. On a subconscious level I fear that I might face difficulties in sex with someone who is inexperienced and I don't want to risk reliving that.

 

Personality wise I am a little intense and someone too shy or not assertive cannot put me in my place or talk back to me with conviction, they are often afraid of hurting me.

 

I hope this makes some sense

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How do you know you can handle a relationship when you haven't had one?

 

Maybe i'm reading this wrong (i'm sorry if i am), but that question sounds kind of condescending imo. Wouldn't it be good for him to feel just as capable as anyone else?

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I'm my boyfriend's first girlfriend. He'd kissed a girl or two but not much (anything, really) else. Did it bother me? No at all. I kind of liked it, not having to worry about where he'd been and all that. It made our first sexual encounter a lot more meaningful to me, knowing I wasn't just "another lay" or something.

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Depends when they find out and how they find out, but I being the guy in your position I can only guess too, and I would have to say it's a bad thing. Not "unattractive" but it's certainly not normal and plants seeds of doubt. I put it in the same category as one of those social norm things, like living at home, being a virgin, owning a car, etc. they have nothing to do with it but still sinks you.

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Interesting the meanings read into the question. It's a straightforward one.

 

It's also a pretty asinine one. It implies he doesn't deserve a relationship because he hasn't been in one.

 

To Lightbulb Sun, How Is Your Life Today?

 

No, seriously, what else is there to be said about you? Skills, experiences, interests, hobbies, etc.? Are you an artist? A store manager? An animal lover? Teacher? Chef? Taxidermist?

 

Virginity is the ultimate Chinese finger puzzle: the more you focus on it and let it bother you, the more it'll be a hindrance. It's a little like having a spike through your chest and trying to ignore it, I know, but it must be done.

 

This is why I always recommend going for broke on Craigslist. If you can just do it and get it over with, then you know what it's like, it becomes less mysterious, and your lack of experience (compared to those who've been having it for years) will seem like a paltry matter.

 

If you'd rather not do that, though, you have to accrue confidence. What makes you awesome? Can your friends speak on your behalf (i.e. be wingmen)? Maybe you should just focus on meeting someone with your interests?

 

If virginity is mentioned or brought up from the get-go, it'll be assumed that that defines your personality. If it's brought up as an after thought, like "Oh, by the way, I'm allergic to walnuts" or "Oh for what it's worth, I'm slightly deaf in my left ear", then she might brush it off as a minor detail. I wouldn't say many of the women on this site would brush it off, but if she's cool enough to like you for your more important traits, she'll more than likely forgive it.

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If you were dating someone and you found out he had never been with someone else, would you drop him?

No. There's no good reason to drop someone just because they never dated before. I find that a little weird. If I liked the guy I would date him, simple as that. I actually find it more appealing than someone who's a "loose cannon" so to speak, lol.

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LOL@The Porcupine Tree quote.

 

What you say is right. I actually took part in a conversation with a bunch of college students about this today. One guy said he was a virgin, and that it was 'no big deal.' I didn't reveal my age, so they think I'm around their age, but it really is no big deal. If a 19 year old virgin doesn't make a difference, why should a 27 year old virgin make a difference? It just means that I've waited a little bit longer to find that special someone. It doesn't mean that I'm unlovable.

 

It's not something I will bring up right away, but I do think that she has the right to know. However, if that right makes it impossible for me to continue the relationship, I find that more than a little ridiculous.

 

To Ms. Darcy, what makes you any better at handling a relationship than me? Obviously you're on a relationship advice forum, so you're looking for advice, too.

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