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Thread: He's not sure and not ready for marriage - stay or leave?

  1. #21
    Member
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    Sep 2004
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    Ok I'm having problems keeping the boundaries with my ex. I'm trying to be friends still and last night, I said I would call him if I was interested in watching a movie. He didn't message me all day and I had by this stage agree to dinner with some friends. He calls me after dinner, whilst I was hanging out at my friends place and says how I never called about the movie. I said I was going later in the week, that I was with friends so couldn't talk n had to go. He sounded really upset n later messaged me about how he'd set aside the night for me and wasn't going to do this again for me. I can understand that he's upset but I never promised to hang out with him!! Please help me talk some sense into him

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
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    I thought he wanted to sort out (by himself) what it is what he wants, and he would only be back in your life with an engagement ring and ready to pick a date.

    If you want to make it work with this guy, you need to be really consistent, i.e. unless he has that ring - do not engage in any kind of communication with him. You hanging out with him without having clearly made the decision for marriage is only going to reinforce that you will keep hanging around regardless of the commitment or not.

    Many guys who are/were afraid of commitment don't have a problem once they meet a woman who really demands the necessary respect and decision from them.

  3. #23
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    Sep 2004
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    Another discussion with my ex has revealed more...he said that he loves me but not enough to be convinced to marry me. Its a good thing I left! Thank you all for your advice and support. Finally have closure on this subject now.

  4. #24
    Bronze Member piruru's Avatar
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    Yeah, if he was sure about it, he wouldn't have wasted so much time.

    I'm a firm believer in that when you're sure and confident that someone is right for you, you don't need more time. You don't want to marry a guy who is wishy-washy about you.

    Wish you all the best in finding someone who will make you much happier

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  6. #25
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    When I read your post, it was like I wrote it (I am in my 30's too). My ex said exactly what your boyfriend said, that he loves me, but he is not ready and he is not sure. If your boyfriend is in his 30's and after 2 years he is still not sure and does not have a legitimate reason why he is not ready (like finish school, is financially unstable etc...) , I am afraid that he is a committment phobe. Search deep your feelings and watch his actions (not his words) and you will know the truth.

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