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does she want me to break up with her?


mr.mac

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I've been thinking for a while now that perhaps my girlfriend wants me to break up with her. The latest example was this past Saturday. It was my birthday and we had plans to go to my mother's house for dinner. She came to my house first and was acting very strange. Very quiet. In the car she was quiet and only gave me short responses. A lot of "uh-huh" and "yeah" responses. So, we get there and she's mostly all right. She's usually quiet in group settings so there wasn't anything odd about that, but then we leave and she's silent in the car on the way home. We get to my house and she sits in a chair by herself, not on the couch next to me. And she just watches the Olympics. Now, I'm sort of annoyed. I am very affectionate and I long for affection from her...and she knows this. For her to not want to sit by me, kiss me, hug me, let alone actually talk to me, was very disappointing. I decided to go to bed at 10, so we did and she got in bed without saying a word to me. I finally said goodnight and I kissed her and went to sleep. The next morning...same thing. I make us breakfast, we eat in bed and she says nothing to me. After we finish and we lie there for a while I just turn on a movie. When it's over she gets up, gets ready to go home and then she goes home. Later in the day I send her a text saying that I'm not sure what i did wrong, but it feels like she's breaking up with me. She responded with "I was having a bad day. Not everything is about you." So, the one day a year that actually is about me is not about me because she's having a bad day? I don't get it. It just feels like she was being incredibly selfish. Like she decided that her bad mood was going to rule the day. I also don't get why if she was having a bad day that she didn't say something to me or let me know what her deal was. Instead she acts like she'd rather be anywhere but with me on my birthday and, honestly, it really hurt me. So, I guess, I'm wondering if this is her way of getting me to end our relationship???

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Its a possibility. Usually what our heart is telling us is true. But, for the most part, we ignore it.

 

The only thing you can do is sit back and relax and just be happy with yourself. Take the focus off her, and dont bug out about it. Take a few nights and have some fun. Give her some space.

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I would ask her why she was having a bad day & see what she says. Kind of sounds like she probably wouldn't give you a straight answer anyway.

 

If she continues acting weird, I'd straight up ask her if she wants to break up.

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Given your history with her, I'm not sure I would have the mental energy to stay with her. Despite whether she wants to break up with you or not, she is messing with your head and making you miserable.

 

I would rethink the relationship and decide if all this is worth it.

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Its a possibility. Usually what our heart is telling us is true. But, for the most part, we ignore it.

 

The only thing you can do is sit back and relax and just be happy with yourself. Take the focus off her, and dont bug out about it. Take a few nights and have some fun. Give her some space.

 

I agree and I'll try.

 

I would ask her why she was having a bad day & see what she says. Kind of sounds like she probably wouldn't give you a straight answer anyway.

 

If she continues acting weird, I'd straight up ask her if she wants to break up.

 

I asked what was wrong. And I mentioned that it felt like I had done something to upset her. She said I did not.

 

Given your history with her, I'm not sure I would have the mental energy to stay with her. Despite whether she wants to break up with you or not, she is messing with your head and making you miserable.

 

I would rethink the relationship and decide if all this is worth it.

 

Insane Heart, I didn't realize you were up to date on all my relationship craziness. Nutty, eh?

 

As far as rethinking...she sent me a text saying that we had to have "a serious talk"

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It sounds like she is ongoing bad news. Not even any birthday nookie? No B&B? Sheesh! That's happened to me once before, and I turned it into a huge argument before "my day" was over - we broke up two months later. She obviously doesn't have any respect for you. And then she had the nerve to tell you to not think it's all about YOU?!? Don't put up with that kind of crap. Life is TOO short.

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This stuff is still going on???

I think the serious talk is way over due. Before the talk think about what you want out of life and a relationship. Has any of this been what you want? I don't think so.

Sharing the good times and bad is what relationships are all about and she wouldn't tell you what she was feeling?

I won't write what I first thought when I read your post but I will tell you I have a very bad feeling for some reason. For a moment leave her out of everything and think about just you and your life and what you want. Then bring her back into the picture. What do you see?

One last thing. Say you were single and your friend wanted to fix you up with this girl and he described your gf to a tee. I mean everything! All the drama, all the problems and the numerous other things. Would you go out with her?

 

Lost

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I just went through and read a lot of your posts, and it sounds like you've had A LOT of issues with this girl.

 

May I ask...what about this relationship is worth it to you?

 

When she wants to be fun and be in a good mood I have lots of fun with her. I keep hoping that she will trend towards being in an agreeable mood more than not, but she is regressing, obviously.

 

It sounds like she is ongoing bad news. Not even any birthday nookie? No B&B? Sheesh! That's happened to me once before, and I turned it into a huge argument before "my day" was over - we broke up two months later. She obviously doesn't have any respect for you. And then she had the nerve to tell you to not think it's all about YOU?!? Don't put up with that kind of crap. Life is TOO short.

 

No birthday nookie. A peck hello and a peck goodnight was all I got. I don't even mind the lack of sex, but the coldness that I felt from her really stung (and still does).

 

This stuff is still going on???

I think the serious talk is way over due. Before the talk think about what you want out of life and a relationship. Has any of this been what you want? I don't think so.

Sharing the good times and bad is what relationships are all about and she wouldn't tell you what she was feeling?

I won't write what I first thought when I read your post but I will tell you I have a very bad feeling for some reason. For a moment leave her out of everything and think about just you and your life and what you want. Then bring her back into the picture. What do you see?

One last thing. Say you were single and your friend wanted to fix you up with this girl and he described your gf to a tee. I mean everything! All the drama, all the problems and the numerous other things. Would you go out with her?

 

Lost

 

Still going on. You make lots of good points. And after my original post she has said all sorts of random things to me. Things that were "disturbing" about my birthday night. It was like everything I said was analyzed and taken out of context to the point that she is questioning me about everything that said to other people. For example I mentioned to my brother's new girlfriend that we should all get together for game night. I have other friends that want to do things, but we can never get things worked out, so I randomly thought, on my birthday, that a game night would be a fun way for everyone to get together and socialize. That was apparently disturbing. I have no idea why. I don't know if it was disturbing because she doesn't like to play games or because I didn't first discuss it with her. I have literally no idea. It popped into my head and I threw it out there. It wasn't like I just wrote a new scripture passage into the bible of our life or anything. Just a random thought. She is making me want to scream the f-word.

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I don't think she's trying to get you to end the relationship-- but I think the work a relationship requires is really off balance. If she's truly that selfish you should take a few weeks to yourself and figure out if it's what you want. Plus, a few weeks of "space" might actually help her realize that you're truly important and you do matter too. When I was about 1 year into my relationship mine was treating me the same way; he took me for granted. I decided to clear my head and took a one week vacation to get away from stress. I didn't call and made it a point to leave my phone off just to be away from the norm-- when I got back, boy was he different! It gave him the chance to miss me.. sometimes that works wonders.

 

I do commend you though, not a lot of guys would go through what you are (I read your prior posts). She needs to realize that you're a prize and I think you need to realize it as well. There are tons of girls that would appreciate your actions, I recommend you re-evaluate the situation and find out what you truly want. Put her wants aside and act on what you want and what makes you happy. Life shouldn't be a struggle all of the time, nor should relationships.

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Thanks for your thoughts. She confessed more last night and most of it was her feeling that she is not the right girl for me. And maybe she isn't, but I don't feel like she has really given herself a chance to be. It just feels like whenever there is an opportunity for her to fit in or meet me half way she almost always goes the opposite route like she's trying to prevent herself from being happy with me. But, yes, I'm just going to hang back and see what develops. I feel like she has broken up with me without actually telling me yet, but what can I do? I feel like I've given my best and then some to make things work. If it wasn't meant to be then I accept that.

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I think that she is telling you that it is over. She isnt the right girl for you. She doesnt fulfill what you want in a partner and it sounds like you dont fulfill what she wants in a partner.

 

If neither of you are getting what you want and expect in a partner, then it's not going to work out.

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I think that she is telling you that it is over. She isnt the right girl for you. She doesnt fulfill what you want in a partner and it sounds like you dont fulfill what she wants in a partner.

 

If neither of you are getting what you want and expect in a partner, then it's not going to work out.

 

I would agree AND she doesn't really want to be the right girl for you either.

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I think that she is telling you that it is over. She isnt the right girl for you. She doesnt fulfill what you want in a partner and it sounds like you dont fulfill what she wants in a partner.

 

If neither of you are getting what you want and expect in a partner, then it's not going to work out.

 

I know, but it doesn't make things any easier.

 

I would agree AND she doesn't really want to be the right girl for you either.

 

This is possibly the most poignant comment on this subject. I can't make her be what she doesn't want to be.

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I'm sorry, MrMac -- You can at least know in your heart you absolutely did everything you could. But, like in life, you can do everything right and things still might not work out.

 

It sucks, but there's a girl (or two, woo!) who can be those things for you and with you.

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I'm sorry, MrMac -- You can at least know in your heart you absolutely did everything you could. But, like in life, you can do everything right and things still might not work out.

 

It sucks, but there's a girl (or two, woo!) who can be those things for you and with you.

 

Thanks, hex. I really feel like I have done my best and it just doesn't seem to be enough to make things work. Thanks for all your support and kind words through all of this.

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just remember you can't turn someone into something they're not. I know it's hard to not see the good in someone you care about and hope that theyll bring that side out again but honestly that seldom happens. she sounds 'pretty cold to me, I think with the amount of effort you're willing to put into a relationship you shouldnt have a problem finding women who'll love you for that. its hard but it gets better with time, just look at your profile picture and remember the end of the movie if you dont believe me! I was in a similar situation as you some months ago but Ive recently found my own "autumn". go get yours!

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just remember you can't turn someone into something they're not. I know it's hard to not see the good in someone you care about and hope that theyll bring that side out again but honestly that seldom happens. she sounds 'pretty cold to me, I think with the amount of effort you're willing to put into a relationship you shouldnt have a problem finding women who'll love you for that. its hard but it gets better with time, just look at your profile picture and remember the end of the movie if you dont believe me! I was in a similar situation as you some months ago but Ive recently found my own "autumn". go get yours!

 

Thanks for the kind words.

 

Funny that you mention my avatar because I was looking at it yesterday and thinking that the scene in question is all in his mind and not the reality at all. It made me realize that I had the same expectations, but they never really came true.

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If you two do part, it will be hard as breakups always are. But, I can guarantee that when you meet a new girl who wants to put in the effort, you will be more happy than you can ever believe. You'll be out of the struggle and thankful this current is now in your past.

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