soursobgirl Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 My boyfriend and I me being 27 and him 31 have no where to go to be intimate. He lives with his strict mother and we arent allowed in his bedroom. I live with my grandpa. We both have small cars VERY busy lifestyles and have no where. He tries to make advances at me when his mum goes to bed in his living room. There is 0 privacy and he cannot understand how I cannot get in the mood. When I told him how I feel he said " Well its all up to you. you are too concerned about where and when… it has to be in a room with a bed with no one else around. That’s how it always is with you." Then I said what about hotels or a bed and stuff and he said "Yeah well doing the same routine like hotels or room with a bed gets boring after a while". I dont know what to do anymore. I feel horrible. We haven't done anything for 2 months. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Is there a reason why he still lives at home? Maybe it's just me, but I think anyone past the age of 24 (especially a grown man!) Has no business living at home unless it's just for a temporary visit. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Also, I think being a 31 yr old male, his mom has NO Right in not letting his girlfriend go with him in his room, seriously that's messed up. My mom and my boyfriends mom are totally fine with us staying the night at my house, but his dad is really old fashioned and doesn't like him to do it. Except he can stay til 6 am? I got really upset with that at first, but I guess I can kind of understand. But seriously, we ALWAYS do it at my house. My mom doesn't care at all, she even knows it. And although it's not often, we do it at his house too in his room. we just lock the door=) Link to comment
soursobgirl Posted February 24, 2010 Author Share Posted February 24, 2010 ROSE21 Not all families are okay with it there is a little thing called " respect " where I come from and thats why we arent allowed in his room. Its his mums house and he he FOLLOWS her rules. He doesnt need to move out so thats how it is . His mother is 60 years old and from a very strict upbringing. She was a virgin when she got married. When I mentioned to get a hotel he said "Yeah well doing the same routine like hotels or room with a bed gets boring after a while" Moving out is not an option, I am paying off a massive debt. Link to comment
_Asti_ Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Is there a reason why he still lives at home? Maybe it's just me, but I think anyone past the age of 24 (especially a grown man!) Has no business living at home unless it's just for a temporary visit. I don't think its right to make assumptions surrounding someones living circumstances. My guy lived at home till 27. Although he did live on his own briefly while away for school, he eventually moved back home to further his studies and ultimately with his Mom, to save money and focus on his studies. Link to comment
lilypadgirl Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Actually lots of people are moving back in with the parents due to the financial situation in the past few years. So that doesn't really puzzle me. I guess what concerns me is his unwillingness to go to a hotel and not understanding why a living room with no privacy is a turn-off, especially if it's been 2 months. Most guys would jump at any opportunity for intimacy by then. Link to comment
soursobgirl Posted February 24, 2010 Author Share Posted February 24, 2010 Thanks ASTI... you have to really think about everyones circumstances first before making a statement. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 I think in your case, a hotel, or the back of your car would be the best way. Or at your house. Doing it in the back of your car can be exciting too. Tight space, element of excitement. Makes for a good lay. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 When I was living at home, my parents would have never allowed me to use their home as a motel. It's their home, and you have to respect them for their rules. Are you able to rent your own apartment in the near future? Link to comment
DylanNotorious Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 LoL tell him not to be a cheap-skate and spring for a hotel room. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 A hotel would be fine every once in awhile, but I can sort of see where he is coming from by making it a routine or feeling "cheap" after awhile. Is there anywhere else to go? Why not your house? Link to comment
IntotheWild Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Hotels are way too expensive just for intimacy. Even cheap ones are $80/night these days. Maybe see if y'all can borrow someone's van. Or go camping. Link to comment
soursobgirl Posted February 24, 2010 Author Share Posted February 24, 2010 I just had a talk with him I like to talk to him face to face. A few problems that have arisen. He doesnt see the act of sex as being romantic, he thinks its purely for animal instinks to get your rocks off. He does see going to dinner, a candle lit room, a bath together as sexual but not the act of sex. I really honestly think its from his upbringing, coming for a strict family he was told that sex was wrong and showing emotion. His ex gf of 5 years - they never had sex either, she wanted to wait til marriage. So I dont think that he has ever been sexual connected with anyone. I told him ive been in instances were during sex that you tell each other " I love you" in the spirit of the moment and he cringed and said he isnt like that. I am blaming his up bringing on most of this and not being emotional available. He said that hotels are too expensive just to go have sex and that we shouldn't have to go PAY for a place. If I really wanted it, it would happen anywhere. He said just in a bed is boring - and that we need to spice it up a little. Link to comment
fantastic Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 The bit in bold is how I think. Why I don't get is why sex is so complicated for him. I find sex is far easier for me because I think this way. Link to comment
soursobgirl Posted February 24, 2010 Author Share Posted February 24, 2010 The bit in bold is how I think. Why I don't get is why sex is so complicated for him. I find sex is far easier for me because I think this way. He doesnt think its complicating. I have made it complicating cause I am picky where we go and I dont like doing it in his lounge room! Link to comment
fantastic Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 He doesnt think its complicating. I have made it complicating cause I am picky where we go and I dont like doing it in his lounge room! Ok. Why not do it in the car? Link to comment
konstantine Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 It sounds like he is willing to take risks with getting caught in his living room, but he can't just take it upstairs for a little bit while his mom is asleep? It seems silly. Also, why not your house? I mean, my parents and my BF's parents aren't laying down the red carpet to our rooms to go * * * * , but sometimes when you have no other option you just suck it up and do it quietly in your room. If he wants to spice it up, what about outside? It sounds like you might not be up for that, but it's a thought anyway. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 My boyfriend was raised from a strict background too. He didn't go past kissing with another girl before me, but it was because he didn't want to or feel connected. I have strong morals, but I think of sex as bringing us closer together. I think One night stands/FWB are purely for animalistic/getting your rocks off, but not when your in a serious relationship. I feel it deepens are bond and brings us closer together. I never feel I'm doing something wrong/dirty when I do it with him. It's very romantic/bonding. Thats how he feels too, we don't say any vulgarity when we talk about it we say it as sex, making love, or wanting to be inside eachother etc. Link to comment
soursobgirl Posted February 24, 2010 Author Share Posted February 24, 2010 It sounds like he is willing to take risks with getting caught in his living room, but he can't just take it upstairs for a little bit while his mom is asleep? It seems silly. Also, why not your house? I mean, my parents and my BF's parents aren't laying down the red carpet to our rooms to go * * * * , but sometimes when you have no other option you just suck it up and do it quietly in your room. If he wants to spice it up, what about outside? It sounds like you might not be up for that, but it's a thought anyway. He doesnt have an upstairs - he its just a bunch of rooms in a long narrow house. haha my house I live with my 81 year old greek grandpa who complains im not married and also live with my unmarried 46 year old aunty. Im not allowed with him really in my room either. I just get so paranoid I am going to get caught... Link to comment
soursobgirl Posted February 24, 2010 Author Share Posted February 24, 2010 My boyfriend was raised from a strict background too. He didn't go past kissing with another girl before me, but it was because he didn't want to or feel connected. I have strong morals, but I think of sex as bringing us closer together. I think One night stands/FWB are purely for animalistic/getting your rocks off, but not when your in a serious relationship. I feel it deepens are bond and brings us closer together. I never feel I'm doing something wrong/dirty when I do it with him. It's very romantic/bonding. Thats how he feels too, we don't say any vulgarity when we talk about it we say it as sex, making love, or wanting to be inside eachother etc. Well my boyfriend likes it very ... hmm rough? Can we say ... he never has once been romantic with me? Ever? He says it just isnt him. He thinks that LOVE doesn't involve sex very much but more feelings and how you feel about them and view them. Link to comment
penelope13 Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 if you don't have your own car, what about a zipcar, you can rent it by the hour, not more than $15 for a big size SUV Link to comment
soursobgirl Posted February 24, 2010 Author Share Posted February 24, 2010 if you don't have your own car, what about a zipcar, you can rent it by the hour, not more than $15 for a big size SUV Ahaha penelope thats just brilliant ! Link to comment
truegrit Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Ok, I have been reading on here for over a year and have never posted but I couldn't resist this one First off I am an "older" woman let's say 60yr old. I had a similar situation (yes, older people have sex too). My husband of 5 years now and I when still bf/gf had a difficult situation. I lived 100 miles away from him and he was living with his mother........reason, he was single unattached and his mother had severe alzheimer's and he got elected to live with her, could hardly ever leave, only when a sister would come in for a few hours to watch her. So, I usually went to visit him, you can maybe see where we had a problem finding a "place" at least in the house. We solved it and didn't give up much by #1 using my mini van (they are great btw). His mother went to bed early so on cold nites it was the van the rest of the time it was a covered fairly secluded patio area behind the house that luckily had an old couch. We had wonderful sex with rain pouring down, thunder storms even a nite with a skunk coming very close. I also have a small pick up truck and when I drove it an air mattress in the back and we were under the stars. Just wanted to say if there's a will there's a way. Been married 5 years now and the bed seems soooooooo normal. Link to comment
Rose21 Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Well maybe you should talk to him about his priorities, his views on sex just doesn't sound right. I ONLY connect sex to romantic/loving feelings, which is why I only have it when I'm in a serious relationship. Makes sense. I do like it rough, but I also like it because he says I love you alot during. I don't think we've had it once where he didn't. If it was just "wham bam thank you mam" I would feel awful and used, even with a boyfriend., Link to comment
BriarRose Posted February 24, 2010 Share Posted February 24, 2010 Well maybe you should talk to him about his priorities, his views on sex just doesn't sound right. I ONLY connect sex to romantic/loving feelings, which is why I only have it when I'm in a serious relationship. Makes sense. I do like it rough, but I also like it because he says I love you alot during. I don't think we've had it once where he didn't. If it was just "wham bam thank you mam" I would feel awful and used, even with a boyfriend., I agree with Rose. Link to comment
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