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"being intimate" and no where to go


soursobgirl

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My boyfriend and I me being 27 and him 31 have no where to go to be intimate. He lives with his strict mother and we arent allowed in his bedroom. I live with my grandpa. We both have small cars VERY busy lifestyles and have no where.

 

He tries to make advances at me when his mum goes to bed in his living room. There is 0 privacy and he cannot understand how I cannot get in the mood. When I told him how I feel he said " Well its all up to you. you are too concerned about where and when… it has to be in a room with a bed with no one else around. That’s how it always is with you." Then I said what about hotels or a bed and stuff and he said "Yeah well doing the same routine like hotels or room with a bed gets boring after a while".

 

I dont know what to do anymore. I feel horrible.

We haven't done anything for 2 months.

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Also, I think being a 31 yr old male, his mom has NO Right in not letting his girlfriend go with him in his room, seriously that's messed up.

 

My mom and my boyfriends mom are totally fine with us staying the night at my house, but his dad is really old fashioned and doesn't like him to do it. Except he can stay til 6 am? I got really upset with that at first, but I guess I can kind of understand.

 

But seriously, we ALWAYS do it at my house. My mom doesn't care at all, she even knows it. And although it's not often, we do it at his house too in his room. we just lock the door=)

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ROSE21 Not all families are okay with it there is a little thing called " respect " where I come from and thats why we arent allowed in his room. Its his mums house and he he FOLLOWS her rules. He doesnt need to move out so thats how it is . His mother is 60 years old and from a very strict upbringing. She was a virgin when she got married.

When I mentioned to get a hotel he said

 

"Yeah well doing the same routine like hotels or room with a bed gets boring after a while"

 

Moving out is not an option, I am paying off a massive debt.

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Is there a reason why he still lives at home?

 

Maybe it's just me, but I think anyone past the age of 24 (especially a grown man!) Has no business living at home unless it's just for a temporary visit.

 

I don't think its right to make assumptions surrounding someones living circumstances. My guy lived at home till 27. Although he did live on his own briefly while away for school, he eventually moved back home to further his studies and ultimately with his Mom, to save money and focus on his studies.

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Actually lots of people are moving back in with the parents due to the financial situation in the past few years. So that doesn't really puzzle me. I guess what concerns me is his unwillingness to go to a hotel and not understanding why a living room with no privacy is a turn-off, especially if it's been 2 months. Most guys would jump at any opportunity for intimacy by then.

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I just had a talk with him I like to talk to him face to face.

 

A few problems that have arisen. He doesnt see the act of sex as being romantic, he thinks its purely for animal instinks to get your rocks off. He does see going to dinner, a candle lit room, a bath together as sexual but not the act of sex.

 

I really honestly think its from his upbringing, coming for a strict family he was told that sex was wrong and showing emotion. His ex gf of 5 years - they never had sex either, she wanted to wait til marriage. So I dont think that he has ever been sexual connected with anyone. I told him ive been in instances were during sex that you tell each other " I love you" in the spirit of the moment and he cringed and said he isnt like that.

 

I am blaming his up bringing on most of this and not being emotional available.

 

He said that hotels are too expensive just to go have sex and that we shouldn't have to go PAY for a place. If I really wanted it, it would happen anywhere.

 

He said just in a bed is boring - and that we need to spice it up a little.

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It sounds like he is willing to take risks with getting caught in his living room, but he can't just take it upstairs for a little bit while his mom is asleep? It seems silly.

 

Also, why not your house? I mean, my parents and my BF's parents aren't laying down the red carpet to our rooms to go * * * * , but sometimes when you have no other option you just suck it up and do it quietly in your room.

 

If he wants to spice it up, what about outside? It sounds like you might not be up for that, but it's a thought anyway.

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My boyfriend was raised from a strict background too. He didn't go past kissing with another girl before me, but it was because he didn't want to or feel connected.

 

I have strong morals, but I think of sex as bringing us closer together. I think One night stands/FWB are purely for animalistic/getting your rocks off, but not when your in a serious relationship.

 

I feel it deepens are bond and brings us closer together. I never feel I'm doing something wrong/dirty when I do it with him.

 

It's very romantic/bonding. Thats how he feels too, we don't say any vulgarity when we talk about it we say it as sex, making love, or wanting to be inside eachother etc.

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It sounds like he is willing to take risks with getting caught in his living room, but he can't just take it upstairs for a little bit while his mom is asleep? It seems silly.

 

Also, why not your house? I mean, my parents and my BF's parents aren't laying down the red carpet to our rooms to go * * * * , but sometimes when you have no other option you just suck it up and do it quietly in your room.

 

If he wants to spice it up, what about outside? It sounds like you might not be up for that, but it's a thought anyway.

 

He doesnt have an upstairs - he its just a bunch of rooms in a long narrow house.

 

haha my house I live with my 81 year old greek grandpa who complains im not married and also live with my unmarried 46 year old aunty. Im not allowed with him really in my room either.

 

I just get so paranoid I am going to get caught...

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My boyfriend was raised from a strict background too. He didn't go past kissing with another girl before me, but it was because he didn't want to or feel connected.

 

I have strong morals, but I think of sex as bringing us closer together. I think One night stands/FWB are purely for animalistic/getting your rocks off, but not when your in a serious relationship.

 

I feel it deepens are bond and brings us closer together. I never feel I'm doing something wrong/dirty when I do it with him.

 

It's very romantic/bonding. Thats how he feels too, we don't say any vulgarity when we talk about it we say it as sex, making love, or wanting to be inside eachother etc.

 

Well my boyfriend likes it very ... hmm rough? Can we say ... he never has once been romantic with me? Ever? He says it just isnt him. He thinks that LOVE doesn't involve sex very much but more feelings and how you feel about them and view them.

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Ok, I have been reading on here for over a year and have never posted but I couldn't resist this one

 

First off I am an "older" woman let's say 60yr old. I had a similar situation (yes, older people have sex too). My husband of 5 years now and I when still bf/gf had a difficult situation. I lived 100 miles away from him and he was living with his mother........reason, he was single unattached and his mother had severe alzheimer's and he got elected to live with her, could hardly ever leave, only when a sister would come in for a few hours to watch her. So, I usually went to visit him, you can maybe see where we had a problem finding a "place" at least in the house.

 

We solved it and didn't give up much by #1 using my mini van (they are great btw). His mother went to bed early so on cold nites it was the van the rest of the time it was a covered fairly secluded patio area behind the house that luckily had an old couch. We had wonderful sex with rain pouring down, thunder storms even a nite with a skunk coming very close. I also have a small pick up truck and when I drove it an air mattress in the back and we were under the stars.

 

Just wanted to say if there's a will there's a way. Been married 5 years now and the bed seems soooooooo normal.

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Well maybe you should talk to him about his priorities, his views on sex just doesn't sound right.

 

I ONLY connect sex to romantic/loving feelings, which is why I only have it when I'm in a serious relationship. Makes sense.

 

I do like it rough, but I also like it because he says I love you alot during. I don't think we've had it once where he didn't.

 

If it was just "wham bam thank you mam" I would feel awful and used, even with a boyfriend.,

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Well maybe you should talk to him about his priorities, his views on sex just doesn't sound right.

 

I ONLY connect sex to romantic/loving feelings, which is why I only have it when I'm in a serious relationship. Makes sense.

 

I do like it rough, but I also like it because he says I love you alot during. I don't think we've had it once where he didn't.

 

If it was just "wham bam thank you mam" I would feel awful and used, even with a boyfriend.,

I agree with Rose.

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