Hi, I am 46 years old and could really use some guidance. I have never lived alone but now find myself in a difficult situation. I have been living for the last few years with my mother. My husband died a few years ago and I never had any children. The problem is my mother can be a really a mean person and quite controlling at times. NOBODY in the family gets along with her including my brother, sister, my father and countless others. (just one example of how mean she can be: she refused to walk down the aisle of church for my brother's wedding because she did not approve of who my brother was marrying: the girl was half-Jewish and there was nothing more to it than that, another example- she used to call my sister fat while she was growing up). Well, the truth is I am afraid to live alone. I never have and when I analyze my situation I realize that I am a dependent person- I do not know how or believe I can make it on my own. I am now financially in much better shape (good, stable career) and would like to leave because I feel like I can't live with someone who is so poisonous to be around even if she is my mother. I know I should leave but I can't. I am afraid of two things about being alone: one is sleeping at night- afraid of break-ins, attackers esp. being female and also just find it hard to sleep at night knowing I am alone in the house. The other thing I fear is if I get sick and I am alone. For example, I have two coworkers in their mid forties who were just diagnosed with breast cancer and I think about if that happened to me at my age, how I would deal with that living alone with no help.
I don't think it is right for any female to live alone because it is hard especially if you are getting older but what is my alternative?: to continue to live with someone who truly is impossible. I feel like my only choice is to take the risks of living alone versus living with someone with so much hate and under someone's total control and manipulation. It is probably hard for some people to understand this because most people, I think ,do have a loving mother (there are some times when she can be loving but it is not too many). Any help would be appreciated. I might need counseling to get me out of this situation. Oh, and if I do try to leave, she will definitely discourage it and try to stop me.