Do women like nice guys? Jerks? Good guys? What?

I know this is like the 999,999,999th thread on this, but I really am wondering this.

I spent about 30 mins thinking about this, and I honestly don't know how to act. Does it really matter what I look like, if I have confidence? If I just walk up to a girl and start chatting with her, does that get my foot in the door? Do I have to 'play down' my niceness when talking to a girl, in case she thinks that I'm too passive?

I'm ready to throw all my individuality out the window. Cut my hair short, grow a beard, lift weights like crazy until I'm muscular. Is that really what women want? Someone who's a caveman and doesn't follow the beat of his own drummer?

I'm just so frustrated at hearing about teenager's sex lives...I WANT A SEX LIFE! It just feels like I was raised to be this 'gentleman', that my mom told me all women want, and it seems that none of the women out there actually want.

I seem to do all right until I open my mouth. When my niceness comes out, every girl in the vicinity of me seems to run and hide. ](*,)

Most of them are just obsessed with looks.

I'm sick of self obsessed jerks. I'm 25, I need something else other than this narcissist that I'm dating. Be yourself. Just get a bit more confidence; it goes a long way. I'm assuming it's pretty low because you're considering changing everything about yourself for the sake of Vagina.

It just feels like I was raised to be this 'gentleman', that my mom told me all women want, and it seems that none of the women out there actually want.

Thats the asnwer to your question

Our parents raise us, at least they try to, raise us to be gentlemen; because thats what women say they want. In reality they choose the jerk. So women want the jerk type.

Most of the women I know WANT the nice guy but for some reason or another head straight for the bad boy. It's the excitment I have been told. That said, most of the bad boy relationships end in heart break.

I myself have dated bad boys in the past and am currently attracted to one of the nice guys... def. not going back to the bad boys.

For us women it just seems VERY hard to find a genuine nice guy that isn't a jerk in disquise trying to get into our pants. I have probbably turned a lot of nice guys away because I thought they were only being nice for that one thing.

Keep your chin up though and DON'T change who you are. The right person will love you for who you are.

Not every woman wants a jerk. But every woman wants somebody.

You don't have to be that jerk. Remain a gentleman. It won't get you a lot of dates, but it'll keep you away from all that's wrong for you. I live by that code and I'll die by it. And the ones who do appreciate it will gravitate towards the light.

So women want the jerk type.

Not all of us.

Most of us just can't find the gentleman amid the jerks.

Teenagers have sex lives??? hahahaha

break up and diseases, abortions and gossip - life of a teenage sex life. Trust me, you don't want to go there.

Maybe you just need to look for women in different places. Dating is like real estate - location, location, location. You can be treated like crap in one place by girls, and then go to another and you are an idol.

I want a guy that's nice, but bad in bed.

Not all of us.

 

Most of us just can't find the gentleman amid the jerks.

Someone else wrote this and I saved it:

Whether or not you believe this OP, it is something to consider. I can tell you right now from experience, that if you give girls a lot of emotional security and attention right off the bat, being extremely nice, caring, and available. They will many times drop you like a rock. (Similar to how if they give guys sex off the bat a similar phenomenon happens.)

You don't necessarily have to be an a-hole, but try to be very vague about your interest level in the beginning, while continuing to call and set up dates periodically. It is also important to be confident like many of the posters have already said. Also, from my experience, like my quote, asking women what they want rarely leads to anything useful, it is more just trial and error my friend. Hope that helps.

Not all of us.

 

Most of us just can't find the gentleman amid the jerks.

Thats what I hear; however, I do find it kinda hard to believe at time.

Especially, by all the girls have turned me down recently.

Thats what I hear; however, I do find it kinda hard to believe at time.

 

Especially, by all the girls have turned me down recently.

maybe you're looking at the wrong type of girl. I know I've been dating the wrong kind of guy.

So basically I do have to change who I am. I'm so sick and tired of all of this. I'm 27 years old, and I've never been more lonely. It seems like I'll never get out of this hole I'm in.

maybe you're looking at the wrong type of girl. I know I've been dating the wrong kind of guy.

What attracted you to him,initially?

So basically I do have to change who I am.

Yep. But that's OK because any person with wisdom is always looking for ways they can improve themselves and change themselves for the better. We aren't born static characters. Our lives are about change and it's our responsibility to direct that change in a positive way.

I can tell you right now from experience, that if you give girls a lot of emotional security and attention right off the bat, being extremely nice, caring, and available. They will many times drop you like a rock.

I know girls like this. And just like there are many guys who won't drop you once you have sex with them, there are girls (like myself) who want everything posted above and want just drop a guy because he is that way.

So basically I do have to change who I am. QUOTE]

 

Change isn't always a bad thing. I mean, there is nothing wrong with improving anything about yourself that YOU feel may help you in the long run find someone.. just don't change who you are as a person. Always stay true to that. For years I tried to be a woman I wasn't and once I finally accepted who I was and that they could take it or leave it, I finally become happy and content with myself.

maybe you're looking at the wrong type of girl. I know I've been dating the wrong kind of guy.

I dunno everyone tells me I am looking at the right type of girls. Especailly, the last one that I asked out, turned out not to be the girl we all thought she was.

What attracted you to the guy your dating?

I don't put up with jerks. I have a low tolerance rate for men I date.

I want a guy that doesn't say that he calls himself a 'nice guy'. What does nice even mean? Polite? Non-jerk? Unoffensive?

I'd describe 90% of people (at the very least) as 'nice'. Nice isn't a pro, it's expected. You're going to have to be a lot more than just 'nice' to date me. I'm interesting, charming, funny, intellectual, cultured....I want a guy with the same kind of adjectives.

I mean we could delve into the specifics of what works/doesn't work in attracting women as in the quote above, but OP are you looking for practical applicable ways to become more desirable to women, or is this thread just a vent or to complain?

I don't put up with jerks. I have a low tolerance rate for men I date.

 

I want a guy that doesn't say that call himself a 'nice guy'. What does nice even mean? Polite? Non-jerk? Unoffensive?

 

I'd describe 90% of people (at the very least) as 'nice'. Nice isn't a pro, it's expected. You're going to have to be a lot more than just 'nice' to date me. I'm interesting, charming, funny, intellectual, cultured....I want a guy with the same kind of adjectives.

See yeah, every woman has a different definition for men.

To me a 'nice guy' is someone who treats me with respect, values my thoughts, has manners, funny, gives me genuine compliments, and who at the end of the day listens to me because he wants to, not because his main goal is to get in my pants.

I think that there is a major crisis in dating. As women get less interested in marriage and more interested in one-nights stands and casual sex, jerks get more sex while the nice guys are left in the sideline. The days of Leave it to Beaver and the Brady Bunch are long gone. TV shows like Sex and the City, Friends, and Two and Half Men glorify hookup culture. Mystery gets laid, while nice guys on the quiet side, like Ross Geller from the TV show Friends, are completely ignored. Just look at these threads where women complain about getting disrespected by guys who sleep with them, but refuse to be in a monogamous relationship with them.

About 50 years ago, nice guys would have gotten married in their early to mid twenties(Marty Mcfly's father in the movie series Back to the Future). Now with sexual liberation and the birth control pill, women don't need marriage to have sex. They are free to sleep with whichever bad boy/alpha male they want. It's the 80/20 rule as a large of number of women pursue alpha males like Tiger Woods and Derek Jeter. With all these women dating unattainable guys, all the quiet guys and average guys get left behind in the process. Do you think that some shy guy has a change of getting a one night stand in a bar? In the past, people met their signficant others through common interests and their friends. Now with the Bowling Alone generation, people are relying less on their social circles and more on less personal means of meeting people like online dating, bars, and nightclubs. This puts average, quiet guys at a huge disadvantage as they don't have the look to pull women in online dating websites and they don't have the charisma to pick up women in bars and nightclubs.

Why are you forcing quiet guys to become something that their not. I think it is disgraceful that some guys on the introverted side are forced to pay thousands of dollars for some overpriced bootcamps run by effeminate guys who have bizarre nicknames like Mystery. In the past, alpha males were average guys who worked hard and had character like World War II veterans featured in documentaries. Now we have the media glorifying thug bad-boys like JayZ, Snoop Dog, Tucker Max, and Mystery. Don't come crawling back to your nice guys after you have been used and abused by your bad boy who treated you like crap in your friends-with-benefits arrangement. By shunning the nice guys, you have created a generation of bitter, lonely nice guys.

Ross from friends was a nice guy? Honestly, chandler was a pretty nice guy but Ross was always a whiny, negative, jerk to me.

And, Marty mcFly's dad had a horrible marriage and an insecure life until later in the movie when he had grown a backbone and ended up being confident, secure, and charismatic in the future.

Have you looked at Tiger Wood's mistresses? They are as dumb as rocks and as shallow as you'd expect them to be. Do you really want women like that.

As for mystery, is he married? Does he have a long time girlfriend? Do you really think he's happy? I don't...

If you want to hook up in bars and have one night stands, be a alpha male, bro, jerkface. If you want a respectable relationship with a healthy woman, continue being polite and thoughtful.

Introverts will always have issues meeting people as they do not put themselves in that situation. Women didn't do that to them. It's just part of their personality. They have to branch out if they want to find someone.

I don't understand why you call it becoming something you are not. Think of it as improving yourself. Humans being are dynamic, ever changing, learning and growing with experience. Adapt. Your diatribe is nothing more than an excuse for your complacency.

You correlate sex with women to being an alpha-male or douche-bag, but what actually gets the women is being confident and comfortable with yourself. Yes there is also a bit of a game to be played in the beginning, an intricate dance, but no one defines who they are by it. It has nothing to do with being good or bad, nice or a jerk.

I see all the time guys complain about not being able to get women, and yet they have no job (and barely looking), take don't care in the clothes they wear, do not groom themselves, don't have proper hygiene, refuse to approach women, will not attempt to become more sociable, etc, because that is "who they are"... The worse part is most of them only go for the most beautiful women. That's like being surprised you didn't get a million dollar movie deal when you have never acted, taken acting lessons, or even practiced acting in your life, because that is "who you are".

I used to be horribly shy and had the hardest time making new guy friends, let alone talking to women. One day I decided to change myself, improve myself, and I did. It didn't happen overnight though, it took a lot of trial and error, embarrassment, getting past old demons to get where I am today. There is nothing wrong with being comfortable with wherever you are at in life, but then you have absolutely no right to complain about it.

The answer to your question is right here in this very section

Specifically this post:

No, he is known for cheating on girls

He has cheated on his girlfriends, and he is the very cool type.

The OP of that thread KNOWS that the bad guy cheats on girls but yet he is the cool type and wondering to go for him or the good sweet guy. You have your answer right there

By shunning the nice guys, you have created a generation of bitter, lonely nice guys.

BITTER and lonely guys are normally not that "nice" . so i guess your whole post is void huh?

all the guys out there who keep complaining and saying they are a 'nice guy' and all women want are jerks are normally not REALLY a 'nice guy'. they are more like a JEALOUS guy. REAL nice guys try to improve themselves and normally just need a little bit of confidence to get out there more.