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Thread: Long distance relationship...I kissed someone else...

  1. #1

    Long distance relationship...I kissed someone else...

    First of all, sorry for my bad English, I'm not a native English speaker.
    I will explain my situation: I've been in a long distance relationship for a bit longer than a year. I am from Chile, my boyfriend is from Scotland and we've met when I was living in Edimburgh, January last year. We spent half year together (physically) when I had to come back home. Since we were pretty much in love with each other, we've decided to keep in touch and maintain a long distance relationship.Unfortunately we had to spend 6 months apart (again, physically), talking on skype almost everyday, exchanging emails and txt msgs, Oh boy!we really missed each other . Finally, he came to south america to visit me. He spent about 5 weeks here and we travelled around. It was just perfect. We've made plans and he wants me to move with him in Scotland, but there few problems, like visa and money but I am trying to save some to do it. We still skype often and txt each other daily. The problem was that, although he is very caring and lovely,for the past few weeks I was feeling that he wasn't as caring as he used to be. That's exactly when the temptation appeared. I tell you now. An acquaintance of mine, from Germany, was in the country and invited me to go to this festival with him. It was in another city, and he said that I could stay in the place he rentend.he is a businessman and travels a lot and I was told that he comes to my country at least 4 times a year . I've just said that a friend of mine had invited me, and we could meet at the festival ( We haven't seen each other in 4 years!). So we did. His friends and mine got along so well that we spent 4 days of the festival together, as a big messy funny group. He is a very handsome guy and tried to kiss me everyday, I mean, everyday. I resisted as much as I could and told him to try to kiss other girls. To be honest, he didn't (well, at least when I was around, like, 99% of the time). But then I started to question myself about my feelings for my boyfriend. I decided to ask for advice. Few friends told me that I should give it a try, to actually know what I wanted...Anyway, I finally tried. I kissed him and it was really good. We've spent few hours together. No sex, just foreplays. He was saying that he hadn't felt like that in ages, that he would keep in touch, and that he wanted to see me again. I kept telling him that I had a boyfriend. Nothing seems to stop him .Btw, we weren't drunk when he said that . I went to my tent and slept alone. Next day was the end of the festival and he brought me to the bus station (and wanted to hold my hand all the time) I told him he didn't have to bring me there, but he really wanted to do it . It was weird, cause I didn't feel guilty, like, I talked to my bf a day after the happening and I was fine . Actually, I was still in doubt about my feelings for him. Then, my German friend started to txt me on Viber everyday , sending me pictures and things like that. He also called me three times since then (2 weeks ago). In this meanwhile I’ve been in touch with my bf, trying to figure out what was going on in my heart (I would never ever ever, I mean, never, tell him about what happened) . He then started to show more his feeling for me again, asking me when we would see each other, that he misses me a lot...Then I realized how much I ‘m in love with him . Serioulsy. On the other hand…My German friend is still “there”, like, he said that he will have to go to Santiago in March and wanted to visit me in my town ( 4h driving from Santiago). Should I tell him (the German) not to come? I like spending time with him, I would love if he could come here, but I don’t want to kiss him again, it’s just not right. Not fair. I don’t want to create an illusion, like, to make him feel like I am using him, or deceiving him. Well, he knows I am commited, anyway. What should I do? I am completely lost Again, sorry for the long text, I tried my best to put things together . Any question, please, ask me. Thanks a lot!
    Last edited by zelda2013; 02-24-2013 at 01:04 AM. Reason: typing mistakes

  2. #2
    Member Invoker's Avatar
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    Well you have some options right here...

    1. Leave the German dude for your boyfriend. (somewhat recommended)
    If you're tempted to kiss this German boy again, don't hang out with him. If think it is wrong to be dating someone else while having a boyfriend, then do not hang out with this German man. Firmly stand your ground and tell him you want to be friends. If he still persists, just avoid him and remove him from your life.

    2. Leave your boyfriend for the German dude. (not recommended)
    If you feel sparks haven't been flying anymore and the love is quickly subsiding back to zero, then by all means leave your boyfriend. Long-distance relationships aren't meant for everyone -- only the strongest can maintain a good long-distance relationship. If you thing this German guy will work out long-term, then go after him.

    3. Leave both of them. (up to you to decide)
    If you feel you can't handle the situation and you've tried working things out with your boyfriend's situation, start out fresh and get rid of the German man. Just be kind to your boyfriend and tell him things weren't working out as they should. Just be honest about the situation. (I'm assuming you guys are living two different lives.) If you don't think you can handle the LDR anymore, then try to find someone who lives in Chile. If you feel like you might go back to Scotland and live with him there or he'll come down to Chile, then go forth with the relationship. Keep in mind that you have to be realistic about these situations: don't get your head in the clouds. It's nice to have aspirations, but you don't want them direly affecting your life.

    If you got anymore questions, feel free to reply...

    Best of luck!

    - Invoker

  3. #3
    Thanks for your advice. I've talked to the German guy and it was great. He totally understands my situation, so we are keeping the friendship and olny the friendship. What a relief

  4. #4
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    I feel so sorry for your boyfriend...
    The only thing that's fair is to tell him what happened. You did not just "kiss" this guy, you had foreplay with him... That's not very classy y'know?
    It's up to your boyfriend to decide whether he wants to stay with you or not, not your decision. Otherwise I hope guilt will come back around and make you choose wisely...

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  6. #5
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    I feel so sorry for your boyfriend too. He sounds like a good guy and if you had any tact or heart, you would tell him about ''kissing'' the other guy.


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