Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 9 of 9

Thread: Boyfriend doesn't ask to see me anymore, but still calls to talk to me everyday - confused

  1. #1
    Traveler27
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    634
    Thanked
    11

    Boyfriend doesn't ask to see me anymore, but still calls to talk to me everyday - confused

    I've been seeing my boyfriend for about 2 months and things moved fairly fast. For the past week however, we've just been talking on the phone and he hasn't asked to see me or invited me over to his place and I can't understand why. Should I ask him why?

    I wonder if he is trying to slow things down a bit, since he was the one who came on really strong initially? I know we've got communication issues, and I think both of us are being too cautious when we speak on the phone. When we are together we share things and talk very openly, but the phone is awkward. I want to see him. What should I say to him without sounding too direct? I don't like doing the pursuing -- especially when we have shared so much intimacy already.

  2. #2
    agent
    Super Moderator agent's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    England
    Age
    34
    Posts
    10,406
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1782
    It's been a week. Maybe he has a lot on. Maybe he needs a little time to decompress. Maybe he wants to know if you will ask him to do something rather than sitting in your tower until he rides up on his horse.

    I don't like doing the pursuing -- especially when we have shared so much intimacy already.
    ?? This sentence is so weird. if you're so intimate, it shouldn't feel like pursuing to ask your bf to spend some time with you.

    Seriously, if you can't ask for your needs to be met on something so small...

    Just say, do you want to do x, y, z?

  3. #3
    Traveler27
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    634
    Thanked
    11
    Quote Originally Posted by agent [Register to see the link]
    It's been a week. Maybe he has a lot on. Maybe he needs a little time to decompress. Maybe he wants to know if you will ask him to do something rather than sitting in your tower until he rides up on his horse.



    ?? This sentence is so weird. if you're so intimate, it shouldn't feel like pursuing to ask your bf to spend some time with you.

    Seriously, if you can't ask for your needs to be met on something so small...

    Just say, do you want to do x, y, z?
    Yeah, I know that last sentence is a bit of a contradiction. I almost deleted it, but was too lazy. I suppose I'm confused because we are only able to communicate openly in person, whereas on the phone it feels as though I'm talking to a friend....or an acquaintance even! It's very confusing.

  4. #4
    DN

    Join Date
    Jan 2005
    Posts
    42,515
    Thanked
    8
    I don't like doing the pursuing -- especially when we have shared so much intimacy already
    Why not? This is similar to a post you made before in that you are expecting him to do all the initiating - and that gets old very quickly. It seems to me highly likely that he thinks you are much less into him than he is into you - or, more precisely, than he was into you.

  5. #5
    FathomFear
    Platinum Member FathomFear's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    37
    Posts
    4,647
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    7
    Quote Originally Posted by Traveler27 [Register to see the link]
    I want to see him. What should I say to him without sounding too direct? I don't like doing the pursuing -- especially when we have shared so much intimacy already.
    If you want to see him then you should take the initiative. It's a matter of respect. Why should he be putting forth 100% of the effort into developing the relationship?

  6. #6
    greywolf
    Platinum Member greywolf's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Good question...
    Age
    31
    Posts
    10,404
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    49
    Call him and tell him you want to hang out. If he says no, it can't be any worse than you worrying about why he hasn't asked you to hang out, can it?

  7. #7
    Traveler27
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    634
    Thanked
    11
    I don't know....I feel like there's something more going on here with regards to him not asking to get together. I just spoke with him on the phone and told him that I'm a bit confused as to why we've been talking on the phone all week and haven't seen each other. So then he asked, "well what are you doing tomorrow?". The way he asked it almost sounded like I was asking him to do something unpleasant. Even more suspicious is that it's Valentine's Day tomorrow, and he apparently had no intention of asking to see me. I don't know. Maybe it's in my head, but I can't figure this behaviour out.

    Also just to clarify, I think I am putting in effort, but that's obviously very subjective. I'm just trying to understand why we can't communicate better.

  8. #8
    cristal
    Silver Member cristal's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    442
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    45
    Quote Originally Posted by Traveler27 [Register to see the link]
    Even more suspicious is that it's Valentine's Day tomorrow, and he apparently had no intention of asking to see me.
    Considering that tomorrow is Valentine's Day and if you had been dating for 2 months, it is not all in your head, to expect him to at least ask you out on a date. And if he was going to ask you out, he would have done so by now.

    If I was to wager a guess, I would guess that he is viewing this relationship lightly. Or, maybe his feelings have not developed enough to the point where he sees you as anything more than a romantic interest.

    If I were in your shoes, I would have felt pretty slighted and that would make me want to keep an extremely very low profile. I would take several steps back and let him come to me.

  9. #9
    YakasJourney
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2009
    Posts
    570
    OP it sounds like you are sitting around letting him do everything, giving no indication you are still interested. Which is extremely frustrating. You have to DO something. Also regarding the phone, some people are just not phone people. It is possible you guys are just not that into each other.

    Even more suspicious is that it's Valentine's Day tomorrow, and he apparently had no intention of asking to see me.
    He doesn't see you guys as being very serious yet, and perhaps doesn't think the relationship is going anywhere. Or, he is laying low and seeing if you will actually do something to move the relationship forward.
    Last edited by YakasJourney; 02-14-2010 at 09:02 PM.

  10.  

Top Threads
Wife's Midlife Crisis and Emotional Affair
Ok, at this point, I'm just looking for perspective, thoughts, feelings about dealing with a spouse going through a midlife crisis, and an emotional
SO is upset that they're not invited to a holiday
Hi, 2 weeks ago, I discussed plans with my SO to join me on a family holiday. They said they would love to but that they could not afford it. A
My boyfriend wants me to move in with him. HELP!
Hi. I'm 22 years old, and my boyfriend is 23. We have been together for a year now and during this past year we have been through a lot of struggles
The most difficult situation of my life
Hi guys, I would like to make it as short as possible.So basically my story start on the high school, 4 years ago. I went to the first class and met
Will my ex ever talk to me again after my behavior?
This is kind of a long story that took place over multiple years. I'll just layout all the details first, before getting into what I did. I dated
Did I screw up again?
I met someone on eharmony nine months ago. We instantly clicked. I knew I liked her from the first time we communicated via email. We hit it off from
Told my ex a guy kissed me?!?!?! Help!
Hey guys, to cut a super long story short my ex broke up with me 2 months ago but we still kind of wanted to be together because he messaged me here

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
I didnt know this was cheating until i saw how much it hurt him
So my boyfriend and I have been together 8 months. It's been pretty close to perfect over all until last weekend. We trusted each other before this
Interview Vibes
Hello, eNA! I have posted a few times about my career search - thank you all for the help! I've been having a lot more luck lately and have four
Ex from seven years ago married
My ex from seven years got married in November 2016 he began dating this girl eight months after dumping me.hiw have I found this out? By the
❌Did i just get stood up????❌
A few weeks ago this guy and i started texting. It was a pretty instant interest right from the start, on both ends. He kept telling me how
HELP My boyfriend blocked me after an argument
Almost 3 weeks ago me and my (EX) boyfriend that ive been seeing for about a year had a huge explosive and petty fight over him being selfish/ self
My wife has zero trust in me
So we have been married for about 8 months now, everything was fine prior to marriage. From the day we got married to today, it has been a living
21, in a relationship and sexually frustrated
I'm 21 (female) and I'm dating a 28 year old. Ive had my round of men before him so I know exactly what I like during sex and he's PERFECT. But what
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •