Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 25

Thread: People who break up with you because they are scared of hurting you whats the deal?!

  1. #1
    headwreck
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    251
    Gender
    Female

    People who break up with you because they are scared of hurting you whats the deal?!

    I’ve had a couple of relationships like this, all is going well after about 3 /4 months – very well and then I get
    “I could continue seeing you, I enjoy spending time with you, sharing things with you, care about you but I’m scared of hurting you…”

    Nice. Well you have just hurt me because in my eyes you have been all over me for months, now you have just broken up with me for no reason….if you end up hurting me so be it, but lets see shall we!

    To me it translates as, I am scared of taking a deep breath, committing and maybe getting hurt myself….

  2. #2
    Crazyaboutdogs
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    54
    Posts
    25,673
    Gender
    Female
    That is a BS excuse designed to make themselves feel better because it gives the appearance of them being soooooo considerate of the other person! When you go to a store and the price is $9.99. That is marketing...it is subconsciously more palatable to the consumer to see that it is "under" $10.00 rather than actually seeing the price tag as $10.00. Same kind of deal with breaking up...he is "marketing" himself as the "good guy" who is so concerned for your welfare, when really it is all about him and how he doesn't really want the relationship for whatever other reason that has absolutely nothing to do with not wanting to hurt you.

  3. #3
    tina-rocks
    Platinum Member tina-rocks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    UK
    Age
    45
    Posts
    1,706
    Gender
    Female
    I have to say I am totally with CAD on this one..

    I'm so sorry if it hurts to hear but this is exactly how they behave when they no longer want to be with you.. It's their way of getting out of it without having the truth come out, but it is only about them not at all your feelings.

    Christina


    Quote Originally Posted by Crazyaboutdogs [Register to see the link]
    That is a BS excuse designed to make themselves feel better because it gives the appearance of them being soooooo considerate of the other person! When you go to a store and the price is $9.99. That is marketing...it is subconsciously more palatable to the consumer to see that it is "under" $10.00 rather than actually seeing the price tag as $10.00. Same kind of deal with breaking up...he is "marketing" himself as the "good guy" who is so concerned for your welfare, when really it is all about him and how he doesn't really want the relationship for whatever other reason that has absolutely nothing to do with not wanting to hurt you.

  4. #4
    headwreck
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    251
    Gender
    Female
    I would tend to agree with you but I had this out with one of my (female) friends this weekend.

    She broke up with her boyf in this way. She said she could see him falling and was scared it wouldn't work. It put too much pressure on her. They had loads in common, best friends etc...she said in a kind of perverse way it was because she cared about him she broke up....she said she had a gut feeling it might not work....after 3 months I call that fear....she could find nothing wrong with him, not one thing

    I told her she sounded like a commitment phobe Which I think she is...she says if she had met this particular guy in 5 years then maybe it would have worked, but at the moment she wants to see someone she doesn't care about....seriously I don't understand this!!!

    Told her it was no coincidence that when she first met him, she told me isn't it typical someone comes along when you want ot be single.
    I don't see the point in seeing someone for a few months if you don't want a relationship.

  5. #5
    headwreck
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    251
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by tina-rocks [Register to see the link]
    I have to say I am totally with CAD on this one..

    I'm so sorry if it hurts to hear but this is exactly how they behave when they no longer want to be with you.. It's their way of getting out of it without having the truth come out, but it is only about them not at all your feelings.

    Christina
    Oh i totally agree, I think it just calls into question WHY they don't want to be with you...

  6. #6
    tina-rocks
    Platinum Member tina-rocks's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Location
    UK
    Age
    45
    Posts
    1,706
    Gender
    Female
    Sad as it is I know, it's because the feeling whatever they had has now gone...

    Why they can't just simply say it, as this would save so many from the "I love you but can't be with you anymore".. Or the "I don't want to hurt you but if I stay I know I will".

    Sorry but this is lame by anyones standards..

    Come out with it the way it is, as the pain from the truth is better then living with a lie that makes no sense.

    Christina

    Quote Originally Posted by headwreck [Register to see the link]
    Oh i totally agree, I think it just calls into question WHY they don't want to be with you...

  7. #7
    HeartGoesOn
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Posts
    15,930
    Gender
    Female
    This excuse is along the same lines as, "It's not you, it's me" or, "I'm not ready for a relationship right now" which really means, "I don't want to be in a relationship with you."

    Please don't try to make excuses for her such as many do, by saying, "Oh, she's just confused."

    I'm sorry this happened to you, but you have no choice but to move on.

  8. #8
    shessofly
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2009
    Location
    USA
    Posts
    1,918
    Gender
    Female
    yeah, it's a bunch of bull. it's not true. that person for whatever reason, has checked out of the relationship and this is the easiest way for them to back out. "it's not you, it's me"...blah, blah, blah...

  9. #9
    Scoutconfuse
    Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    Location
    usa
    Age
    33
    Posts
    44
    Gender
    Male
    I disagree about the whole it's all about them thing, the selfish idea here. Obviously the guy dated you for a bit and found that you're not exactly it. You aren't what he's going to marry. Thats what dating is about, kinda like trial and error, finding the one you want to marry and spend a life time with. He could continue dating you, he likes you enough for that, but doesn't see a life long commitment there. What would be selfish is if he stayed with you, just to not be alone, he knows that it's a waste of your time. So, he could continue to be with somebody he knows he's not going to marry and let that person invest months or years of emotional feeling, only to break it off when he finds the one he wants to marry, that would be selfish. So he could stay with you, he likes you and like being around you, but doesn't love you, the scared of hurting you I think is pretty obvious that he's saying he's scared your going to invest more into him than he can in you. He could stay with you, but he knows he'll hurt you more later.

  10. #10
    headwreck
    Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    251
    Gender
    Female
    I actually agree Scout....

    Maybe I worded the OP wrongly, what I'm really getting at is people who use it as a way out of a relationship they are terrified or not ready for - which is the case for many people I know who have used it.....they run at the first doubt for fear of feeling guilt....normally these people are overly romantic (imo).however I'm sure it is used as a "it's not you it's me" line as well. Every circumstance is different I guess...

    My ex didn't actually use it, though I think he was scared of hurting me, he felt he hurt his ex before and history would repeat as he didn't want to marry.

    My ex ex did use it. I def think it was a i'm terrified of a rel. He was waking up with palpitations in the middle of the night b/c of worry about the 'pressure' of the rel... (we'd been seeing eachother 3 months!) But he'd had a horrifically bad breaj up before me.

    My friend who broke up for that reason, proceeded to get back with her ex a further 2 times but freaked out that it wouldn't work....not that it wasn't working but that it maybe wouldn't.

    I don't really know what my point is! Just that I wish people would always let a relationship run it's course and not run for fear of getting hurt or causing hurt...

    On the other hand I'm sure it is used as a line too....it kinda leave the door open and in 2 out of the 3 case above the exes wanted to stay best friends with the dumpee

  11.  

Page 1 of 3 123 LastLast
Top Threads
Open to dating
So my ex has said she is open to dating (weve been split up for almost a year). But.. its very lukewarm. She has some personal issues that make
Is This Emotional Abuse?
My ex finally told me why he broke up with me. Long story short, he was very hurt and resentful of the fact that I didn't do some things he wanted me
Help... input appreciated and devastated
Ill try to keep it short... Background: I met Bill at a local cooking class and we immediately hit it off. Hes 10 years older than me (Im 35
Should I give my ex-girlfriend's nephew an Xmas present???
So my ex girlfriend of 5 years broke up with me 2 months ago as she 'lost the spark''... I pleaded with her at first, which resulted in getting me
Breaking up after 8 months
We were together 8 months, not that long but formed a lot of memories. We had a small fight this morning that exploded into him breaking up with me
Ex is being so angry and hateful
I was in kind of relationship for almost 6-7 months but unexpectedly we broke up. He dumped. Just on a fight. Just day after our breakup. I went back
Weve dated now he wants to be friends
Hi everybody. Im here because i need some insight from people who are not my friends and family and can be completely honest with me. So Ive

Featured Threads
Red Flag if the guy on first date does not pay for my food?
A guys asked me out to a dinner and picked the restaurant. Toward the end, when the waiter came to drop off the bill, the waiter leaned toward the
narcissistic ex - help/ how to get back at him
So this is a post about a narcisisstic, immature ex. Not an ex boyfriend, not an ex boy, but something in between. It was something in between
University freshers fling?
[B]Hey there! [/B] Thank you so much for reading this. I just [I]REALLY [/I]need advice as it's SERIOUSLY affecting MY LIFE
Should you call out your ex when you find out they've been cheating on you?
Just some thoughts guys. Have you been cheated on? What did you do? Did you call your ex out on the lies and deceit? Or go on with your lives?
Ex is being so angry and hateful
I was in kind of relationship for almost 6-7 months but unexpectedly we broke up. He dumped. Just on a fight. Just day after our breakup. I went back
How to avoid checking up on ex social media?
Hi friends, Im finding that posting here and seeing so many of us in the same boat is proving rather helpful in my own journey to move on. That
Break-up
Hi, I've recently just been broken up with by my girlfriend of two years, she has stated it wasn't all my fault and she is part to blame, but would
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •