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Thread: Five weeks of dating steadily, he only calls once or twice a week: is this normal/OK/good?

  1. #1
    citymouse
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    Five weeks of dating steadily, he only calls once or twice a week: is this normal/OK/good?

    I've been dating this guy for five or six weeks. Last Saturday was our seventh date I think. We have decided to be exclusive and he says he wants to be with me long term. We have not been to bed yet but there has been some heavy necking.

    We have the most amazing time together, usually when we see each other on weekends. At the end of each date, he always asks me out again for the following week.

    But then I don't hear from him again until Tuesday or Wednesday. He'll call and we'll talk on the phone for 10 or 15 minutes, just some chitchat,and that's that.

    I know I'm probably being needy and clingy, but I am dying for more contact from him. I adore it when a man calls all the time, at least every other day. It pushes my buttons and makes me feel closer to him. I'm trying not to get obsessed. I think of him all the time despite my best attempts to stay busy with other things.

    I would like some perspective here -- what do you guys think -- am I being unreasonable for wanting him to call more often at this stage?

    This honestly is making me hold back from sleeping with him.... I keep thinking, what if I go to bed with him and then he doesn't call me for three days? I probably would want to throw myself off a building. (Only half exaggerating here... ugh!)

  2. #2
    Haze
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    You could just call him, the guy I'm seeing does the same thing, we'll spend time together on the weekend then I won't hear from him til the middle of the week. Some guys are afraid to seem too clingy, others just have busy lives. Don't be afraid to call him yourself, maybe if you call him more it would encourage him to do the same?

  3. #3
    nicki.nicki
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    I found some guys arn't 'phone people'. Do you text at all?

    when i first started going out with my boyfriend, we would chat a bit online, there might only be a few texts through out the week but never a phone call. it took him like 4 months to actually call me on the phone! he doens't like speaking on phones. And when he does its usually fairly quick. But, he would always keep his weekends free and we'd always do something.

    Its goood sign that you've agreed to be exclusive etc. Have you thought about contacting him more? Or maybe bring it up in a joking way that you love to hear from the man your dating more than once/twice a week! he may not want to appear to eager or clingy!

  4. #4
    citymouse
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    We don't text or email.

    I am going to call him tomorrow night (if he doesn't beat me to the punch) to let him know I got the concert tickets we talked about, and also to thank him again for such a wonderful time last Saturday....

    I hope I don't get flamed for saying this, but I just hesitate to call him because over and over again it has been my experience that when you start calling a guy, it drives him away.

    Things have been working out so great (otherwise) so far, I don't want to break the spell by telling him I have this need for him to call me more often. I would rather just suck it up -- and get some feedback here.
    :P

    I'm just wondering if this normal/typical flow in a healthy relationship that has lasting power. I really don't want to mess things up with this guy. He is really special.

  5. #5
    citymouse
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    Quote Originally Posted by Haze [Register to see the link]
    You could just call him, the guy I'm seeing does the same thing, we'll spend time together on the weekend then I won't hear from him til the middle of the week.
    Haze are you and this guy semi-serious? Like is this just someone you've started dating or are you involved/exclusive? Do you feel secure in the relationship or do you wish he called more? Just curious because I'm seriously wondering if there is something wrong with my perspective. Thanks!

  6. #6
    renaissancewoman101
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    I am surprised that you guys don't text. Is he adverse to texting?

    My ex and I talked maybe about 1-2 times a week when we first went out (during our first month). At that time, texting wasn't really known. It was also hard to talk because he lived at home (and didn't have a cell phone) and if we chatted for a longer period of time, he was always constantly being interrupted by the parents who needed to use the phone.

  7. #7
    BriarRose
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    Maybe he is getting frustrated there is no sex? Don't get me wrong - I'm not saying sleep with him if you are not ready, but it is a natural part of a relationship and maybe it's bothering him?

  8. #8
    citymouse
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    Quote Originally Posted by nicki.nicki [Register to see the link]
    it took him like 4 months to actually call me on the phone! he doens't like speaking on phones. And when he does its usually fairly quick.
    LOL... it sounds like things are working out well for you two otherwise, so that's good!

  9. #9
    sophie274
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    I don't think you're being unreasonable for wanting him to call more often, but I also don't think it's abnormal or bad that he has not been calling more often. I don't think it is particularly indicative of his interest.

    I personally would rather not chat on the phone with someone that I am not seriously dating yet, or just seeing once a week or so. I'd. much rather save the conversation for when we date each other, and I find the phone socially taxing, as speaking with someone I'm not very close to yet makes me quite anxious.

    As others have said, why don't you call him, or make the other conversations last longer? He might just be trying not to be too over-eager, and would welcome an increase in phone time.

    He might also not be a phone person - I'm not. Why don't you try to see him twice a week now that you two are exclusive?

  10. #10
    BriarRose
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    The only bad thing about EH is he could be talking to other "matches" and you won't know it. You can't check.

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