Jump to content

Men who change their minds


shineyboot

Recommended Posts

I've dated a few men like this in my time and wonder why I attract them. They come on strong at the start, plenty of texts, calls, very attentive and demanding of your time. You can get swept along with things and start putting more time into things that you would like to ideally. Sometimes they complain that they don't see enough of you, they shower you with affection, kisses everyday on texts, hand holding and are often very romantic. Usually they tell you that they love you very early on. However the more you give them in return and when you give them what they want (more time, affection whatever it might be) the less happy they seem to be with you. Then almost overnight they change their minds and usually give a wishy washy excuse for example 'they thought they were in love but they don't know now' things 'don't feel right'. Suddenly something which wasn't a problem before is e.g age gap, your job etc.

 

I don't have a problem with them falling out of love but why do these types rush in? is it because they are needy and want it to work?

 

I find that I've been hurt and had my time wasted by this type of man several times.

Link to comment

I dont know hun but your not alone, Im hurting after one guy I was seeing was like that very sweet attentive seemed to really like me but after a few dates suddenly turns around and says he doesnt know what he wants that he wants to be friends and see how things go. Im hurting now because he seemed like exactly what I was looking for

Link to comment

Men Love the thrill of the chase!! Once the Chase is gone, it gets boring to them and they move on to a new challenge...I would say "Never Give your all"...give little each time..(Yeah they might say they want a woman who Loves them & Gives them everything, but I realized that in reality they don't want it all handed to them)...Make them earn it

Link to comment
Men Love the thrill of the chase!! Once the Chase is gone, it gets boring to them and they move on to a new challenge...I would say "Never Give your all"...give little each time..(Yeah they might say they want a woman who Loves them & Gives them everything, but I realized that in reality they don't want it all handed to them)...Make them earn it

 

Everyone loves a challenge...

 

If women were exempt from this rule the term "nice guys always finish last" wouldn't have been coined.

Link to comment

I am a bit wary of people (either sex) coming on so strong in a very short amount of time. For me (yes I am aware that this is my personal interpretation and doesn't apply to everyone and every situation) it is a sign that that particular person is more attracted to the idea of being in a relationship than having made a conscious choice to be with the person in front of them. Yes sometimes you can get attached very quickly, but most often it takes time to get to know a new person.

 

In the situation that is described in the OP, I think after the initial rush for the guy to be in a relationship is over, his anxiety about it subsides and he starts to see the person who he got involved with with a more realistic eye. Unfortunately it often happens then that he/she realizes that they might not be compatible/ attracted to the person, or that the person is different than what they hopes/ imagined them to be

Link to comment
In the situation that is described in the OP, I think after the initial rush for the guy to be in a relationship is over, his anxiety about it subsides and he starts to see the person who he got involved with with a more realistic eye. Unfortunately it often happens then that he/she realizes that they might not be compatible/ attracted to the person, or that the person is different than what they hopes/ imagined them to be

 

This, exactly.

Link to comment

I think every woman should read the book, "men who can't love" especially if you find yourself in situations like this. Go buy it now and read it. I wish I read it a long long time ago.

 

The man you are describing has all the characteristics of commitmentphobia. It's an actual phobia and an actual psychological problem for many people.

 

read the book so you stop gettign hurt over and over again... or worse, end up in a relationship with with one of these men.

Link to comment

Yes, men love the thrill of the chase and this is something every woman should know. If you dont want it to turn out exactly the same the next time, do the opposite. this strategy is best for the BEGGINING STAGES of dating, for guys that play the agressor (not shy guys). i know people might get on my case but it always works.

 

 

Do not call them

Do not return their calls (only answer them)

Do not ask him to go out

Do not go out with him on short notice (like less than 2 days before he asks)

Take your sweet time texting back

Always look amazing on a date which is the only time you should be meeting up with him (again, during the begging stages)

Act very busy with life

Link to comment

I tend to do this a lot, and it is puzzling to me as well.

 

I find someone that I connect with and we get to talking. Usually we will have very deep conversations about the world and reality, and this usually draws them in deep, very quickly. I am very attentive an affectionate(very similar to what you described) and things usually get intimate very quickly as well. For some reason, after things do get intimate it's usually about two weeks and then for some reason I look for a reason to not like/want someone who has been nothing but kind and caring, and break it off because of some silly excuse that I give them. It is baffling to me, as I have hurt several women for no reason really, and I can't figure out why. Perhaps it is because I don't know what I really want, or in some cases have lied to them about what I want.

Link to comment

Maybe it is a human nature thing with guys and maybe some women to behave this way.

 

In most cases where I've experienced this rushing in and then turning cold overnight I've given up, appeared busy with life, even seen other men- no contact with them and then almost always they have returned making contact with me.

 

For me though this wishy washy behaviour turns me off and I've usually gone off them when they return.

Link to comment

"blitzkrieged " Yes, you can do this in the beginning but once you give in to them, they get cold feet and Move one..So you're back to this Thread!!

 

"Dont Get Strung" Dont forget about Karma...What goes around will come around, hopefully one day you dont fall deep in love with a woman who hurts you twice as mush as you have hurt all those woman...

Link to comment
Yes, men love the thrill of the chase and this is something every woman should know. If you dont want it to turn out exactly the same the next time, do the opposite. this strategy is best for the BEGGINING STAGES of dating, for guys that play the agressor (not shy guys). i know people might get on my case but it always works.

 

 

Do not call them

Do not return their calls (only answer them)

Do not ask him to go out

Do not go out with him on short notice (like less than 2 days before he asks)

Take your sweet time texting back

Always look amazing on a date which is the only time you should be meeting up with him (again, during the begging stages)

Act very busy with life

 

So deceiving...I guess if your only motivation is to date the guy, then follow this advice...If you want a lasting relationship this is bad advice...

Link to comment

"Dont Get Strung" Dont forget about Karma...What goes around will come around, hopefully one day you dont fall deep in love with a woman who hurts you twice as mush as you have hurt all those woman...

 

the sad thing is, he is not doing this on purpose. He is not doing this to hurt anyone and I believe that he sincerely feels bad about it and does not understand it. In fact, he probably wants a loving committed relatoinship just as much as anyone else does. but his fears win out in the end.

Link to comment

I really don't do it on purpose, but I also don't think I am absolved of responsibility. I do want a committed relationship, but I don't know what is stopping me from pursuing one once the opportunity is presented. I don't think it is fear, though I won't rule it out. It really is starting to wear on me, because for the life of me I can't figure out why I keep repeating the pattern. What is the book about, beyond the obvious? I'm interested to check it out.

Link to comment

OP I know exactly. I am 27, have been in 3 relationships in my life and ALL of them what you describe. It hurts like hell. only 3 rel is few for 27 but I hold out for someonw I really connect with, we do and they freak out at 3-4 months...I spend another year getting over them!!! Grrr...

 

In the situation that is described in the OP, I think after the initial rush for the guy to be in a relationship is over, his anxiety about it subsides and he starts to see the person who he got involved with with a more realistic eye. Unfortunately it often happens then that he/she realizes that they might not be compatible/ attracted to the person, or that the person is different than what they hopes/ imagined them to be

 

I disagree, I think it is that they get 'involved' for fun and then realise that this could and prob should lead somewhere more serious and they freak out. I think guys judge the seriousness of a relationship not by what is said or experience but by time. For instance my last ex rang me all the time, always wanted me with him and got to seem me an awful lot but when he broke up he seemed suprised as if, "you've fallen in such a short time??!"

 

I think every woman should read the book, "men who can't love" especially if you find yourself in situations like this. Go buy it now and read it. I wish I read it a long long time ago.

 

Can I get amazon to anoymously deliver it to my ex?

 

Yes, men love the thrill of the chase and this is something every woman should know. If you dont want it to turn out exactly the same the next time, do the opposite. this strategy is best for the BEGGINING STAGES of dating, for guys that play the agressor (not shy guys). i know people might get on my case but it always works.

 

 

Do not call them

Do not return their calls (only answer them)

Do not ask him to go out

Do not go out with him on short notice (like less than 2 days before he asks)

Take your sweet time texting back

Always look amazing on a date which is the only time you should be meeting up with him (again, during the begging stages)

Act very busy with life

 

 

At some stage you gotta give. I did all of the above and he was obsessed with me.....then he started saying he didn't like game playing and he felt insecure etc. I gave in, fell for him and he got bored. Go figure.

 

These rel just make you feel like a toy at Christmas, used and disgarded.

Link to comment
I really don't do it on purpose, but I also don't think I am absolved of responsibility. I do want a committed relationship, but I don't know what is stopping me from pursuing one once the opportunity is presented. I don't think it is fear, though I won't rule it out. It really is starting to wear on me, because for the life of me I can't figure out why I keep repeating the pattern. What is the book about, beyond the obvious? I'm interested to check it out.

 

Can I ask is it around the 3/4 month mark? The weird (and annoying) thing about me and my ex was I freaked out at the 3 months mark. Woke up in the middle of the night thinking it would never work, it just didn't feel right. Then I calmed myself down said I wanted a relationship, told myself to stop panicing, if I still felt like this in a month I should break it off. 2 weeks later I was smitter, 2 weeks later he freaked out.

 

What annoys me is that he couldn't calm himself down and just see. Just let things happen, he wasn't proposing and to be quite honest I feel I am more hurt now, being broken up with for no reason and before we really got to see if we were compatible. Plus it is clear he still like me in some way. It's just all so silly!](*,)

Link to comment
I really don't do it on purpose, but I also don't think I am absolved of responsibility. I do want a committed relationship, but I don't know what is stopping me from pursuing one once the opportunity is presented. I don't think it is fear, though I won't rule it out. It really is starting to wear on me, because for the life of me I can't figure out why I keep repeating the pattern. What is the book about, beyond the obvious? I'm interested to check it out.

 

well, first and foremost, the book is ultimately written for women who find themselves involved with men who have these similar feelings/issues. But i think it would also benefit men who have aknowleged that they are feeling this way and want to change. I'd realllllly encourage you to pick up a copy. You can get used it for under $10 including shipping on amazon. There are lots of personal interviews from both men and women and I think it would really help you especially if you keep repeating the same pattern. It's very possible that you may have a deep subconscious fear and not even realize it.

 

i just really feel the need to spread this book and the issue around. I couldnt help my ex. If I can point someone in the right direction and help someone out who is willing to be openminded and change, i want to do so.

 

I look for a reason to not like/want someone who has been nothing but kind and caring, and break it off because of some silly excuse that I give them.

 

this is a very common theme in many of the personal interviews found in the book. i really think you will be able to identify with many of the stories.

Link to comment
I disagree, I think it is that they get 'involved' for fun and then realise that this could and prob should lead somewhere more serious and they freak out.

 

In my experience, it's kind of a combo of both penelope's hypothesis (gets over the anxiety and realizes that there is incompatibility) and this (scared of it going somewhere serious). But they totally make sense together - guy is scared that this could possibly go somewhere. Why is he scared? Because he realizes that maybe he's not as into her as he thinks he is. Makes sense.

Link to comment
I really don't do it on purpose, but I also don't think I am absolved of responsibility. I do want a committed relationship, but I don't know what is stopping me from pursuing one once the opportunity is presented. I don't think it is fear, though I won't rule it out. It really is starting to wear on me, because for the life of me I can't figure out why I keep repeating the pattern. What is the book about, beyond the obvious? I'm interested to check it out.

 

In the beginning it may not be intentinal but at some point you must realize that your hurting the person, that when you should be honest w her and move on.. dont use excuses just be blunt, "I lost Interest"..no??

Link to comment
I really don't do it on purpose, but I also don't think I am absolved of responsibility. I do want a committed relationship, but I don't know what is stopping me from pursuing one once the opportunity is presented. I don't think it is fear, though I won't rule it out. It really is starting to wear on me, because for the life of me I can't figure out why I keep repeating the pattern. What is the book about, beyond the obvious? I'm interested to check it out.

 

One Question: Do you Lose interest once you sleep with the woman..?

Link to comment

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...