Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 41

Thread: Men who change their minds

  1. #1
    shineyboot
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    88
    Thanked
    11

    Men who change their minds

    I've dated a few men like this in my time and wonder why I attract them. They come on strong at the start, plenty of texts, calls, very attentive and demanding of your time. You can get swept along with things and start putting more time into things that you would like to ideally. Sometimes they complain that they don't see enough of you, they shower you with affection, kisses everyday on texts, hand holding and are often very romantic. Usually they tell you that they love you very early on. However the more you give them in return and when you give them what they want (more time, affection whatever it might be) the less happy they seem to be with you. Then almost overnight they change their minds and usually give a wishy washy excuse for example 'they thought they were in love but they don't know now' things 'don't feel right'. Suddenly something which wasn't a problem before is e.g age gap, your job etc.

    I don't have a problem with them falling out of love but why do these types rush in? is it because they are needy and want it to work?

    I find that I've been hurt and had my time wasted by this type of man several times.

  2. #2
    Casperlady
    Silver Member Casperlady's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    409
    Gender
    Female
    I dont know hun but your not alone, Im hurting after one guy I was seeing was like that very sweet attentive seemed to really like me but after a few dates suddenly turns around and says he doesnt know what he wants that he wants to be friends and see how things go. Im hurting now because he seemed like exactly what I was looking for

  3. #3
    unknownme
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    368
    Men Love the thrill of the chase!! Once the Chase is gone, it gets boring to them and they move on to a new challenge...I would say "Never Give your all"...give little each time..(Yeah they might say they want a woman who Loves them & Gives them everything, but I realized that in reality they don't want it all handed to them)...Make them earn it

  4. #4
    ohemgee

    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Age
    29
    Posts
    859
    It could be any number of things to game playing, to not finding you attractive, to using you, to he had another GF or found someone else.

    You're not alone. Men and women go through the same thing everyday.

  5. #5
    ohemgee

    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Age
    29
    Posts
    859
    Quote Originally Posted by unknownme [Register to see the link]
    Men Love the thrill of the chase!! Once the Chase is gone, it gets boring to them and they move on to a new challenge...I would say "Never Give your all"...give little each time..(Yeah they might say they want a woman who Loves them & Gives them everything, but I realized that in reality they don't want it all handed to them)...Make them earn it
    Everyone loves a challenge...

    If women were exempt from this rule the term "nice guys always finish last" wouldn't have been coined.

  6. #6
    penelope13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    3,964
    Thanked
    16
    I am a bit wary of people (either sex) coming on so strong in a very short amount of time. For me (yes I am aware that this is my personal interpretation and doesn't apply to everyone and every situation) it is a sign that that particular person is more attracted to the idea of being in a relationship than having made a conscious choice to be with the person in front of them. Yes sometimes you can get attached very quickly, but most often it takes time to get to know a new person.

    In the situation that is described in the OP, I think after the initial rush for the guy to be in a relationship is over, his anxiety about it subsides and he starts to see the person who he got involved with with a more realistic eye. Unfortunately it often happens then that he/she realizes that they might not be compatible/ attracted to the person, or that the person is different than what they hopes/ imagined them to be

  7. #7
    unknownme
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    368
    "Ohemgee" I agree It could be anything!!! But...It's in our nature to seek for a chalenge and when the challenge is gone,,We tend to lose interest and move on!!!

  8. #8
    orchidrose
    Platinum Member orchidrose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    USA
    Age
    30
    Posts
    2,285
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by penelope13 [Register to see the link]
    In the situation that is described in the OP, I think after the initial rush for the guy to be in a relationship is over, his anxiety about it subsides and he starts to see the person who he got involved with with a more realistic eye. Unfortunately it often happens then that he/she realizes that they might not be compatible/ attracted to the person, or that the person is different than what they hopes/ imagined them to be
    This, exactly.

  9. #9
    milkandhoney
    Gold Member milkandhoney's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Age
    31
    Posts
    2,536
    Gender
    Female
    I think every woman should read the book, "men who can't love" especially if you find yourself in situations like this. Go buy it now and read it. I wish I read it a long long time ago.

    The man you are describing has all the characteristics of commitmentphobia. It's an actual phobia and an actual psychological problem for many people.

    read the book so you stop gettign hurt over and over again... or worse, end up in a relationship with with one of these men.

  10. #10
    shineyboot
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    88
    Thanked
    11
    I agree Penelope13, I don't trust the guys that rush in. Often they are in love with the idea of being in love, enjoy sending flowers and saying nice things and they don't even know you!

  11.  

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Top Threads
Potential trouble between current fling and ex.Need advice
Hello all.Okay so I'm a 34 y/o male there someone in my life that means the world to me .Someone that i'm very much in love with. I've been seeing
Dating help! I'm no expert lol
Okay we met online a month ago on tinder. He's 38 I'm 27. He doesn't look his age.Immediately got along great , very easy to make conversation with
Got Too Drunk On Second Date
Hi everyone, A little background information, I'm 24 years old and got out of a year long relationship a couple months ago. I recently decided to
Dating Across Racial Lines
Dating Across Racial Lines Hello guys, thank you for taking the time to read this! Something thatís been bugging me for a while and I was hoping
Intense chemistry then he calls it off?
Hey guys. I was wondering if anyone could give advice or shed some light on a situation I had. I got speaking to a guy, he lives an hour and a
Dating is exhausting to say the least! What do I do now???
Good morning All! I've been dating a guy for 2 and a half months. He calls me a few times a day and we text all day long. We have been seeing
Destroyed again
So there was this girl who over the past few months I was getting close with. I felt that there was a real connection with her. She is smart, funny

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
I met guy at a bar - what next??? Please read it through!! Pls advise!!
So Iím 33 & happen to move the Chicago city very recently from NYC. The first weekend; Saturday I was bored & didnít feel like sitting at home on a
Are there any men out there that do not watch porn
Almost want to give up on trying to find what I think would be a good guy. I feel like this will be the one thread that nobody will respond to. I
Spouse's lack of ambition is frustrating
I recently got married. About eight months prior to our wedding my now husband was laid off from work. He decided not to look for work as wedding
Petty, petty arguments
Hello all!! My partner who I've been with for a few years is 7 years older than me yet his maturity level is not where mine is. This is not a
Blocked by crush. Will NC work?
Last month a guy I had being talking to for about 3 months blocked me. He said the excessive calling and texting was starting to he to much. Prior to
Child Support.. Pursue or Not Pursue?
I'm needing a little advice about how Child Support works. My Ex Fiance decided at 7 weeks he didn't want my child. I was told in no uncertain terms
Millennial-aged men: could you really date someone like me?
(I'm sorry if this is disjointed. It's hard even to type about.) Three years ago, I had been working as a prosecutor for two years. My boyfriend and
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •