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Thread: Men who change their minds

  1. #1
    shineyboot
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    Men who change their minds

    I've dated a few men like this in my time and wonder why I attract them. They come on strong at the start, plenty of texts, calls, very attentive and demanding of your time. You can get swept along with things and start putting more time into things that you would like to ideally. Sometimes they complain that they don't see enough of you, they shower you with affection, kisses everyday on texts, hand holding and are often very romantic. Usually they tell you that they love you very early on. However the more you give them in return and when you give them what they want (more time, affection whatever it might be) the less happy they seem to be with you. Then almost overnight they change their minds and usually give a wishy washy excuse for example 'they thought they were in love but they don't know now' things 'don't feel right'. Suddenly something which wasn't a problem before is e.g age gap, your job etc.

    I don't have a problem with them falling out of love but why do these types rush in? is it because they are needy and want it to work?

    I find that I've been hurt and had my time wasted by this type of man several times.

  2. #2
    Casperlady
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    I dont know hun but your not alone, Im hurting after one guy I was seeing was like that very sweet attentive seemed to really like me but after a few dates suddenly turns around and says he doesnt know what he wants that he wants to be friends and see how things go. Im hurting now because he seemed like exactly what I was looking for

  3. #3
    unknownme
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    Men Love the thrill of the chase!! Once the Chase is gone, it gets boring to them and they move on to a new challenge...I would say "Never Give your all"...give little each time..(Yeah they might say they want a woman who Loves them & Gives them everything, but I realized that in reality they don't want it all handed to them)...Make them earn it

  4. #4
    ohemgee

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    It could be any number of things to game playing, to not finding you attractive, to using you, to he had another GF or found someone else.

    You're not alone. Men and women go through the same thing everyday.

  5. #5
    ohemgee

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    Quote Originally Posted by unknownme [Register to see the link]
    Men Love the thrill of the chase!! Once the Chase is gone, it gets boring to them and they move on to a new challenge...I would say "Never Give your all"...give little each time..(Yeah they might say they want a woman who Loves them & Gives them everything, but I realized that in reality they don't want it all handed to them)...Make them earn it
    Everyone loves a challenge...

    If women were exempt from this rule the term "nice guys always finish last" wouldn't have been coined.

  6. #6
    penelope13
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    I am a bit wary of people (either sex) coming on so strong in a very short amount of time. For me (yes I am aware that this is my personal interpretation and doesn't apply to everyone and every situation) it is a sign that that particular person is more attracted to the idea of being in a relationship than having made a conscious choice to be with the person in front of them. Yes sometimes you can get attached very quickly, but most often it takes time to get to know a new person.

    In the situation that is described in the OP, I think after the initial rush for the guy to be in a relationship is over, his anxiety about it subsides and he starts to see the person who he got involved with with a more realistic eye. Unfortunately it often happens then that he/she realizes that they might not be compatible/ attracted to the person, or that the person is different than what they hopes/ imagined them to be

  7. #7
    unknownme
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    "Ohemgee" I agree It could be anything!!! But...It's in our nature to seek for a chalenge and when the challenge is gone,,We tend to lose interest and move on!!!

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    orchidrose
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    Quote Originally Posted by penelope13 [Register to see the link]
    In the situation that is described in the OP, I think after the initial rush for the guy to be in a relationship is over, his anxiety about it subsides and he starts to see the person who he got involved with with a more realistic eye. Unfortunately it often happens then that he/she realizes that they might not be compatible/ attracted to the person, or that the person is different than what they hopes/ imagined them to be
    This, exactly.

  9. #9
    peanutbutterandjelly
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    I think every woman should read the book, "men who can't love" especially if you find yourself in situations like this. Go buy it now and read it. I wish I read it a long long time ago.

    The man you are describing has all the characteristics of commitmentphobia. It's an actual phobia and an actual psychological problem for many people.

    read the book so you stop gettign hurt over and over again... or worse, end up in a relationship with with one of these men.

  10. #10
    shineyboot
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    I agree Penelope13, I don't trust the guys that rush in. Often they are in love with the idea of being in love, enjoy sending flowers and saying nice things and they don't even know you!

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