Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 41

Thread: Men who change their minds

  1. #1
    shineyboot
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    90
    Thanked
    12

    Men who change their minds

    I've dated a few men like this in my time and wonder why I attract them. They come on strong at the start, plenty of texts, calls, very attentive and demanding of your time. You can get swept along with things and start putting more time into things that you would like to ideally. Sometimes they complain that they don't see enough of you, they shower you with affection, kisses everyday on texts, hand holding and are often very romantic. Usually they tell you that they love you very early on. However the more you give them in return and when you give them what they want (more time, affection whatever it might be) the less happy they seem to be with you. Then almost overnight they change their minds and usually give a wishy washy excuse for example 'they thought they were in love but they don't know now' things 'don't feel right'. Suddenly something which wasn't a problem before is e.g age gap, your job etc.

    I don't have a problem with them falling out of love but why do these types rush in? is it because they are needy and want it to work?

    I find that I've been hurt and had my time wasted by this type of man several times.

  2. #2
    Casperlady
    Silver Member Casperlady's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    Ireland
    Posts
    409
    Gender
    Female
    I dont know hun but your not alone, Im hurting after one guy I was seeing was like that very sweet attentive seemed to really like me but after a few dates suddenly turns around and says he doesnt know what he wants that he wants to be friends and see how things go. Im hurting now because he seemed like exactly what I was looking for

  3. #3
    unknownme
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    368
    Men Love the thrill of the chase!! Once the Chase is gone, it gets boring to them and they move on to a new challenge...I would say "Never Give your all"...give little each time..(Yeah they might say they want a woman who Loves them & Gives them everything, but I realized that in reality they don't want it all handed to them)...Make them earn it

  4. #4
    ohemgee

    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Age
    30
    Posts
    859
    Thanked
    1
    It could be any number of things to game playing, to not finding you attractive, to using you, to he had another GF or found someone else.

    You're not alone. Men and women go through the same thing everyday.

  5. #5
    ohemgee

    Join Date
    May 2009
    Location
    Massachusetts
    Age
    30
    Posts
    859
    Thanked
    1
    Quote Originally Posted by unknownme [Register to see the link]
    Men Love the thrill of the chase!! Once the Chase is gone, it gets boring to them and they move on to a new challenge...I would say "Never Give your all"...give little each time..(Yeah they might say they want a woman who Loves them & Gives them everything, but I realized that in reality they don't want it all handed to them)...Make them earn it
    Everyone loves a challenge...

    If women were exempt from this rule the term "nice guys always finish last" wouldn't have been coined.

  6. #6
    penelope13
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    Posts
    3,964
    Thanked
    16
    I am a bit wary of people (either sex) coming on so strong in a very short amount of time. For me (yes I am aware that this is my personal interpretation and doesn't apply to everyone and every situation) it is a sign that that particular person is more attracted to the idea of being in a relationship than having made a conscious choice to be with the person in front of them. Yes sometimes you can get attached very quickly, but most often it takes time to get to know a new person.

    In the situation that is described in the OP, I think after the initial rush for the guy to be in a relationship is over, his anxiety about it subsides and he starts to see the person who he got involved with with a more realistic eye. Unfortunately it often happens then that he/she realizes that they might not be compatible/ attracted to the person, or that the person is different than what they hopes/ imagined them to be

  7. #7
    unknownme
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2009
    Posts
    368
    "Ohemgee" I agree It could be anything!!! But...It's in our nature to seek for a chalenge and when the challenge is gone,,We tend to lose interest and move on!!!

  8. #8
    orchidrose
    Platinum Member orchidrose's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Location
    USA
    Age
    30
    Posts
    2,285
    Gender
    Female
    Quote Originally Posted by penelope13 [Register to see the link]
    In the situation that is described in the OP, I think after the initial rush for the guy to be in a relationship is over, his anxiety about it subsides and he starts to see the person who he got involved with with a more realistic eye. Unfortunately it often happens then that he/she realizes that they might not be compatible/ attracted to the person, or that the person is different than what they hopes/ imagined them to be
    This, exactly.

  9. #9
    peanutbutterandjelly
    Gold Member peanutbutterandjelly's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2009
    Age
    32
    Posts
    2,542
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    3
    I think every woman should read the book, "men who can't love" especially if you find yourself in situations like this. Go buy it now and read it. I wish I read it a long long time ago.

    The man you are describing has all the characteristics of commitmentphobia. It's an actual phobia and an actual psychological problem for many people.

    read the book so you stop gettign hurt over and over again... or worse, end up in a relationship with with one of these men.

  10. #10
    shineyboot
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    90
    Thanked
    12
    I agree Penelope13, I don't trust the guys that rush in. Often they are in love with the idea of being in love, enjoy sending flowers and saying nice things and they don't even know you!

  11.  

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Top Threads
Weight and eating during dates
Hi, been a while since I've posted here. Anyway been dating a guy for last few months, everything seemed to be going pretty well for the most part
Met a guy who seems way too busy for a relationship
Met a guy who seems way too busy for a relationship. Heís great in every sense. Heís smart, funny, attractive, but he seems way too preoccupied
She cancelled our date and I had no time to make other plans
The girl I was scheduled to meet today cancelled on meet through text last night and I was left with no other options tonight and home alone. I
Does she like me or not?
I met a girl from online dating, after the first date we kissed, she told me at the end of the date that she wanted to see me again and asked if I
Rejected again
I've been trying to get back into dating after a breakup and it's kind of making me feel worse. I've been on 3 dates (none was there any connection)
Am i being materialisitc/superficial
my friend has been bugging me for some time now, saying that I will never settle down with a man unless I lower my standards. I'm a young 29 year
Conflicts around having my opinion and personal boundaries?
I have some concerns about my boyfriend in terms of respecting my boundaries and being okay with my opinions. Yesterday I had my old hard drive

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Dating younger guy 24 years difference
I am 50 yrs old dating a 26 yrs old guy. We been dating each other for a couple months things are great between us. He told me he will always be
Boyfriend gets very angry if I mention his ex, is this normal?
Hi everyone! My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 5months. He broke up with his ex and a year and a half ago. 7 months after they
Should I let my boyfriend stay overnight with his friends?
Hi there. Firstly thank you for reading this post. I am a new member to this forum, and also will soon be new immigrant of the UK so basically there
Is this abuse?
Iím desperate for some advice. Iíve been with my partner for nearly 2 years and everything has been ok, except from when he drinks. I really do not
Is there hope for me?
Me and my girlfriend of two years had been talking about moving in together lately. We didn't actually go look at any place in person, but browsed a
Bringing up trust issues at the start of a new relationship? My situation...
Haven't been on these boards since my last break up a couple years ago, and here I am about to begin a new relationship with feelings from the last
Whats my next move - Dating a girl fresh out of a relationship
Hey guys, So heres the deal. Met a girl in class and I asked her out. Her answer was "maybe" because she didn't want to say no to me but just
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •