Girlfriend hit me, don't know what to do exactly.

hi everyone.

i was just in the kitchen with my girlfriend, cleaning up some dishes after making dinner.

shes been testy all day, getting angry at little things.

 

anywho, i snapped a towel playfully in the direction of her butt, as she playfully snapped a towel at mine earlier (it didnt land). i didnt mean for it to snap on her, but it did. her immediate reaction? she hit me as hard as she could in the torso.

 

she hits me every once in a while as a knee-jerk reaction during playful banter sometimes, but its been getting increasingly worse.

 

this time, it was different. there was a look in her eyes and everything. she really meant to physically hurt me.

 

so, i went to my room immediately and she followed. i told her that she needs to stop hitting me as a knee jerk reaction. she defended that she doesnt even do it that much, but she hits me about once a week (lightly, not like this time, this is the first time shes hauled off and hit me like that).

 

she also got really angry at me because i am reminding her about her hitting me in the past. she said she doesnt see the point in changing if im just going to remind her about all of her mistakes whenever she makes one.

 

i dont even know what to do. i dont know how to handle this situation.

 

ive never even raised my hand in violence against her. i dont abuse her in any way.

what should i be doing right now?

sorry this is kind of sporadically written, but my mind is just everywhere right now.

Walk away ASAP. People that love each other don't try to hurt each other. It's especially disturbing that she's defending it and not apologizing or taking any responsibility. It shows she doesn't see it as doing anything wrong. With that attitude, it won't get any better.

Sounds like she has some anger issues...if you want her to take you seriously file charges against her if there are marks...if not get out...thats like kindergarden behavior.

ah just for the record, she did say she was sorry. she did show some remorse. but she still defended it in part.

 

she definitely wasnt as apologetic as she usually is when she hits me.

oh and also, if this changes anything, weve been dating for a bit over 2 years now. let me know if youw ant to know anything else or get some clarity on something.

If she won't attend counseling sessions with you over this, bail. You don't deserve to be treated like this. She needs to realize how inappropriate her behavior towards you is. Don't stand for it! These things don't get better with time, my friend. Protect yourself.

Sounds like she has some anger issues...if you want her to take you seriously file charges against her if there are marks...if not get out...thats like kindergarden behavior.

 

dont think filing charges is the way to go, doubt he will take that route. does seem like she could benefit from some anger management though. i would separate from her and tell her to seek help in order to fix the R

i definitely dont plan on taking any sort of legal action for this.

however, this is really starting to put things into perspective. thanks everyone for all of your responses.

 

the fact that everyone so far has said (in one way or another) to walk away really says something to me....

any other thoughts?

The fact that she hit you is bad enough but she is obviously in some sort of denial about how serious her behaviour is - and the fact that it is escalating.

 

But you teach people how to treat you. And, by staying with her, you are teaching her that her behaviour will be tolerated even though you complain about it. So don't expect it to change.

The issue here is why would she be increasingly violent towards you?

Why is she being snappy and horrible?

Lying, cheating or any forms of abuse are instant dealbreakers for me. All bets are off. Relationship is over. That's always been my rule and I've always stuck to it, even when I was in love. Life's too short to accept sub-standard treatment from anyone, especially someone you're supposed to be able to trust. Don't accept it for yourself. Sever it now before it gets worse.

Lying, cheating or any forms of abuse are instant dealbreakers for me. All bets are off. Relationship is over. That's always been my rule and I've always stuck to it, even when I was in love. Life's too short to accept sub-standard treatment from anyone, especially someone you're supposed to be able to trust. Don't accept it for yourself. Sever it now before it gets worse.

 

This is the path I SHOULD have took and I have really paid the price with what I'm left feeling.

But then I was also not thinking in the way jul-els talks about in the quote above.

One person can make mistakes but once those mistakes become so frequent they appear to become intentional it's too late.

 

I will be aiming for jul-els kind of mindset in a relationship.

in the dark:

im just being myself.

she has been getting more and more stressed out lately about school and the future and her loans and all that.

im as supportive as i can be, both emotionally and physically, going so far as to help her with groceries and stuff like that.

i dont think im doing anything to warrant the snapping.

 

jul-els:

you seem wise and like you have a good philosophy, but part of me wants to give her another chance.

i mean, shes not always like this.

shes never hit me that hard. she didnt slap my face or punch me, it was more of a whack to the side.

ugh. stuffs hard.

Lying, cheating or any forms of abuse are instant dealbreakers for me. All bets are off. Relationship is over. That's always been my rule and I've always stuck to it, even when I was in love. Life's too short to accept sub-standard treatment from anyone, especially someone you're supposed to be able to trust. Don't accept it for yourself. Sever it now before it gets worse.

That's the way it should be. However, many people seem to develop tolerance towards any of those poor behavior and I can't seem to understand why.

Being in love doesn't equal accepting terrible treatment.

 

OP, I think you're better off without her. Walk away if it doesn't seem a sincere apology and if you plan on staying again, let her know that another episode would result to the relationship ending.

in the dark:

im just being myself.

she has been getting more and more stressed out lately about school and the future and her loans and all that.

im as supportive as i can be, both emotionally and physically, going so far as to help her with groceries and stuff like that.

i dont think im doing anything to warrant the snapping.

 

jul-els:

you seem wise and like you have a good philosophy, but part of me wants to give her another chance.

i mean, shes not always like this.

shes never hit me that hard. she didnt slap my face or punch me, it was more of a whack to the side.

ugh. stuffs hard.

 

You've gotta draw the line with what you will and will not accept. I know it's hard but the more you let it slide the worse it will get. Her behavior will escalate and your self-esteem will decrease into a co-dependent state of being. I'm pretty sure you don't want that for yourself. Don't accept it. Just don't.

you guys have been most excellent.

jul-els, im drawing the line. shes going to know that im not accepting any more of this garbage from her.

yeawutever, if she doesnt apologize from the bottom of her heart anytime soon, im out.

 

theres no way in hell im letting this turn into a codependent pit.

thanks guys.

i appreciate all the help from everyone in this thread.

You should never use violence to express yourself.

 

I hope everything works out for you. Good luck!

shes never hit me that hard. she didnt slap my face or punch me, it was more of a whack to the side.

 

How soon before she does, though? If you let her get away with hitting you not-so-hard, how long before her temper gets the better of her and she starts taking proper, violet swings and actually starts leaving lasting marks?

Everybody's massively overreacting, it's not like she even hit you that hard. Look, just tell her straight " stop with the silly hitting or I'll give you a whack back and see how you like it".

 

If she's chasing you with kitchen knifes then that's when I'd be concerned. Just be honest with her, if she wants you to treat her like her women then she needs to act like a woman, if she wants to act like a man then treat her like a man.

Everybody's massively overreacting, it's not like she even hit you that hard. Look, just tell her straight " stop with the silly hitting or I'll give you a whack back and see how you like it".

 

If she's chasing you with kitchen knifes then that's when I'd be concerned. Just be honest with her, if she wants you to treat her like her women then she needs to act like a woman, if she wants to act like a man then treat her like a man.

 

Hmm. Interesting. I have to think about how I feel about this before I post. But interesting to be sure.

Everybody's massively overreacting, it's not like she even hit you that hard. Look, just tell her straight " stop with the silly hitting or I'll give you a whack back and see how you like it".

 

If she's chasing you with kitchen knifes then that's when I'd be concerned. Just be honest with her, if she wants you to treat her like her women then she needs to act like a woman, if she wants to act like a man then treat her like a man.

 

This advice is so incongruent with the promotion of healthy, respectful, functional relationships, I'm inclined to think this "fantastic" poster is a troll.

 

OP, I would not advocate the following ideas promoted in fantastic's post:

 

1. A partnership should allow for retaliatory and escalating violence

2. An act of physical aggression isn't too bad, until it reaches the point that your throat is about to be slit

3. Men act like men by beating their SO's up

 

Instead, I'd go with the idea of zero tolerance for any sort of physical aggession. ZERO TOLERANCE. Hurting, or even making gestures to hurt someone is incompatible with a nurturing and protecting bond of trust. It's a violation to aggress at someone physically, no matter how infrequently it is inflicted.

This advice is so incongruent with the promotion of healthy, respectful, functional relationships, I'm inclined to think this "fantastic" poster is a troll.

 

OP, I would not advocate the following ideas promoted in fantastic's post:

 

1. A partnership should allow for retaliatory and escalating violence

2. An act of physical aggression isn't too bad, until it reaches the point that your throat is about to be slit

3. Men act like men by beating their SO's up

 

Instead, I'd go with the idea of zero tolerance for any sort of physical aggession. ZERO TOLERANCE. Hurting, or even making gestures to hurt someone is incompatible with a nurturing and protecting bond of trust. It's a violation to aggress at someone physically, no matter how infrequently it is inflicted.

 

I'm not a troll, look at my other posts before making those assumptions.

 

1. She's hit him him numerous times already. In which case maybe she deserves a taste of her own medicine, which may make her think twice.

 

2. She gave him a weak whack in the gut. It's not like she beat the hell out of him, yet everybody on here are saying it like that's what happened.

 

3. No, men act like men by taking no nonsense from anybody. There's a big difference between abusing a women for no reason other then control, and defending yourself.

 

And btw, I never said he should beat her up. There's a difference between a retaliatory smack, and beating the crap out of someone.

 

Anyway, that's my opinion, I stand by it.

I'm not a troll, look at my other posts before making those assumptions.

 

1. She's hit him him numerous times already. In which case maybe she deserves a taste of her own medicine, which may make her think twice.

 

2. She gave him a weak whack in the gut. It's not like she beat the hell out of him, yet everybody on here are saying it like that's what happened.

 

3. No, men act like men by taking no nonsense from anybody. There's a big difference between abusing a women for no reason other then control, and defending yourself.

 

And btw, I never said he should beat her up. There's a difference between a retaliatory smack, and beating the crap out of someone.

 

Anyway, that's my opinion, I stand by it.

Retaliating is as childish as if a woman were responding back. IMO, the only time one (man or woman) should ever hit back/retaliate is in an actual self-defense case, when your life or someone else is threatened. I see nothing mature in hitting to go with the mentality of ''But I'll show him/her and put them in their place''. In that case, you're just as retarded as the one hitting you, where you could have walk away and/break-up, never looking back. By retaliating just for the hell of it, you're only scooping down to their level, in which you have become them.

It is NEVER okay for a woman to hit a man period. I will tell you the same thing I tell women that get hit by men, LEAVE.

 

As long as someone is allowed to continue the behavior, they have no reason to change. I'm stressed out about money and a lot of other things in my life as well, but I am not resorting to whacking my bf. I just can't accept that is her reason for lashing out.

 

If being stressed out is a valid reason to smack people around then I guess a whole bunch of us should be smacking others around. That is just nonsense. Your girlfriend needs to deal with her issues because they become out of control.

 

Not a lot of people here know this, but my son was abused by his ex girlfried, to the point of biting him and leaving him with bruises. It took a while for him to finally understand that her behavior was not acceptable and that she would never change as long as he stayed and allowed that behavior. He finally left and never looked back.

 

Abuse by anyone is never ok.

Retaliating is as childish as if a woman were responding back. IMO, the only time one (man or woman) should ever hit back/retaliate is in an actual self-defense case, when your life or someone else is threatened. I see nothing mature in hitting to go with the mentality of ''But I'll show him/her and put them in their place''. In that case, you're just as retarded as the one hitting you, where you could have walk away and/break-up, never looking back. By retaliating just for the hell of it, you're only scooping down to their level, in which you have become them.

 

Easy to say, but if someone is smacking you it kind of gets you agitated.Several years back, I saw a guy outside a take away get a beer bottle smashed over his head by his GF, splitting his ear open. And apparently she was always violent to him. The funny thing is, this guy hit the girl back, and a bunch of young men wouldn't to beat him up for that.

 

The OP case is nowhere near the same. Hitting him once hard in the gut is nowhere near as bad as being bitten or hit on the head with a glass bottle. I don't think he should leave her over that.