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Thread: How to break the ice after argument

  1. #1
    LazyDaisy
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    How to break the ice after argument

    So my BF and I used to fight a lot. Past few months there have been no fights. Sat night we had a little fight, not a big deal, but now we are not speaking. I don't really know who was at fault so I don't know who should apologize. I feel like if neither one of us apologizes we will never speak again. Does someone always have to apologize? How can I break the ice?

    Little bit about the fight - he was 45 mins late picking me up and when he arrived I said "You are late" he said "don't start with me, whats the big deal" I said the big deal is that I rushed to get ready so that you wouldn't have to wait for me and then I had to wait 45 mins for you" he said "what am I, punching a time clock" there was some back and forth bickering. I felt he should have apologized for being late. Anyway, we went out but I think this kind of set the tone for the evening.

    We went out and ran into a lot of people we knew and it ended up turning into a really late night and we both had too much to drink. All I remember is on the way home he kept talking about a girl that was at the bar that he had met at the laundramatt. He kept talking about her on and on, so by the time we got to my house I was so mad - I told him to go out with her. I don't remember the specifics of what was said.

    Like I said, it was a stupid argument but we are not speaking. We speak every day, several times a day. I feel so worried when we don't speak, I can't eat, can't sleep, can't concentrate at work. If I apologize it will be like I am admitting guilt, and I am not sure I was wrong. How else can I break the ice?

  2. #2
    livinginsbi

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    Ask yourself do you want to be right, or do you want to be happy? An apology can go a long way and you don't have to take blame. You break the ice, tell him that you are sorry that you two had an argument and go from there.

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    Maroney555
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    My boyfriend and I just verbally call truce, kiss and throw peace signs to eachother. Neither has to apologize and we both can move on. You can't call truce and bring it up later though. All has to be dropped. Works like a charm

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    LazyDaisy
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    Quote Originally Posted by Maroney555 [Register to see the link]
    My boyfriend and I just verbally call truce, kiss and throw peace signs to eachother. Neither has to apologize and we both can move on. You can't call truce and bring it up later though. All has to be dropped. Works like a charm
    I guess I can try this. Is it ok if I send it by a text? I mean the fight happened on Sat, so I can't say it to him personally. He works midnights this week and I work during the day so I probably won't be able to see him in person for a while.

    I don't know why i am getting so upset over this. I guess because I haven't slept. I don't feel good. I mean every couple fights now and then right? Its just that we were doing so good with the fights. Its been about 3 months since we had one which is really good for us.

  5. #5
    FathomFear
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    How often does this happen? Your story gives the impression that you're generally confrontational towards each other.

    For example, instead of starting with "You're late" you might want to try expressing your frustration in a more even way. Perhaps "Look, honey, I appreciate you picking me up but I was expecting you here earlier. I know that we all run late sometimes but I need you to give me a head's up when it happens..." -- This might be a skill you both need to work on to better improve how you communicate.

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    LazyDaisy
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    Quote Originally Posted by FathomFear [Register to see the link]
    How often does this happen? Your story gives the impression that you're generally confrontational towards each other.

    For example, instead of starting with "You're late" you might want to try expressing your frustration in a more even way. Perhaps "Look, honey, I appreciate you picking me up but I was expecting you here earlier. I know that we all run late sometimes but I need you to give me a head's up when it happens..." -- This might be a skill you both need to work on to better improve how you communicate.
    In the past we had a lot of confrontational arguments. We have been working on it and have not had any arguments lately. I guess I shouldn't have said it the way I did, but I was sitting there fuming for 45 minutes.

    But to answer your question, generally we are very loving toward eachother. It was a bad night I guess, full moon, PMS and too much alcohol.

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    1guygirl
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    Quote Originally Posted by LazyDaisy [Register to see the link]

    But to answer your question, generally we are very loving toward eachother. It was a bad night I guess, full moon, PMS and too much alcohol.
    yeah i had them 3 ingredients in my recent tiff and we're not speaking

    i get how you would be mad at him bangin on about that girl...makes for uncomfortable listening doesnt it!! *funny my tiff was about him going on about beautiful girls alot*

    im doin no contact mind...i said sorry and he ignored me so letting him stew and cool off. if they dont come back, what can we do but set up a "I hate pms/full moons/alcohol all at the same time" facebook group

  8. #8
    LazyDaisy
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    Quote Originally Posted by 1guygirl [Register to see the link]
    yeah i had them 3 ingredients in my recent tiff and we're not speaking

    i get how you would be mad at him bangin on about that girl...makes for uncomfortable listening doesnt it!! *funny my tiff was about him going on about beautiful girls alot*

    im doin no contact mind...i said sorry and he ignored me so letting him stew and cool off. if they dont come back, what can we do but set up a "I hate pms/full moons/alcohol all at the same time" facebook group
    LOL! I used to get mad at guys when they blamed things on PMS - but for me as I am getting older it is definitely a real problem. Add the full moon and some alcohol and it is a recipe for disaster. Next time I am just going to stay in!

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