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My boyfriend watches porn instead of having sex with me - what do I do?


Mangue

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I am absolutely sick about this.

 

Let me start at the beginning...

 

My boyfriend has had issues with sex from the beginning of our relationship. He is an otherwise healthy 26-year old, but has erectile dysfunction and a decreased libido. I do think this is weird. That is the age for male sexual prime. He denies any history of sexual abuse. But I think his issues are emotional, not physical. He can get an keep an erection very easily, it just depends on the situation. He doesn't go soft when he's getting a blow job, or masturbating, only during intercourse.

 

He has always been inconsistent in what he tells me about his ability to have sex. Early on in our relationship, he would make excuses for why he wouldn't want sex very often or why he'd stop in the middle of sex - "I'm nauseated, I have a headache, I'm dizzy . . ." I knew there was a problem. I was crying all of the time, feeling unwanted, and not knowing what was wrong. He finally told me about the erectile dysfunction, but always maintained he had a strong sex drive, he just physically couldn't do it as much as he wanted. He said I turned him on, and that he wanted me, he just couldn't.

 

Finally, when he went to the doctor for something else, he got a free sample of Viagra. He used it and it worked so well. The thing is, he still wouldn't have sex with me any more even with that in his system. And he wouldn't take them. He took maybe 1 a month. He had another free sample that he needed to take to the pharmacy to be filled, and he never did. He left it for 6 months until it expired, and I told him about it and told him that it was important to me. He never asked his doctor to write him a prescription. When I confronted him, he said it was too expensive. I asked him if he had even asked his insurance company how much it cost, and he never did. He never tried. This said a great deal to me.

 

We've had so many issues/fights lately about this. He'll tell me he wants to have sex with me, start touching me and getting me all worked up, then stop abruptly, and just roll over (or various versions of this). I always cry and get upset, and he can't handle that I'm crying. He says I make him feel like he's not enough of a man, and that I don't understand his issues. He says he just doesn't have the same libido that I do, and that he can't do it as much as I want. He says he doesn't even get the urge for sex for 3-4 days, and that I want it multiple times a day, and we are incompatible in that way. No compromise or solution is ever offered. He says I put too much pressure on him because he knows I want it more than he can give it to me, which makes it harder for him. Oh, and he says he's too tired a lot, too. That is another common excuse. He doesn't want to have sex in the morning because he wants to get up out of bed, and he doesn't want to have sex at night because he just got off of work. It's always something.

 

We started to resolve our issues lately after many discussions about this. We talked about our sides of the story. He reassured me how he feels about me. We realized that most of the problem was that I was interpreting his actions as him not desiring me, and it was heartbreaking, because we are in love. He means the world to me. He just told me that his physical desire and ability made it impossible, and so his actions had nothing to do with how he feels about me. This made me feel better about that whole thing. Until...

 

Until one day he left his computer with me to look at a recipe, and I started looking up gross images to put on his browser as a joke when he got his computer back (I know, I'm a dork). I changed my mind, and tried to clear my searches. I went into his history to make sure it worked, and I saw some porn viewing in there. I didn't think much of it - I don't care if he watches porn. I work nights, so I figured it was while I was at work. But it piqued my curiosity. So I looked again. I've done it maybe three or four times since then, for no reason other than to see about the porn. I feel so guilty about it. He has always been honest with me (or so I thought), and it makes me sick that I've done this to him.

 

What I've learned, though, is that he's been watching porn a lot. When I'm home and when I'm not. He's been watching porn and then getting into the shower (where he masturbates), and then denying me sex saying he's not in the mood ever. I know this because we use our computers a lot together, so I can tell WHEN he was watching the porn based on how it's spaced out with everything else. Examples:

 

1) Yesterday. He got a blow job in the morning because he asked for one, even though he knew I wanted to have sex. Then later in the day he did something for me after I asked him, which wasn't sex either. He had an erection throughout the process but wouldn't participate. I kept trying to hint to him that night, and he said "I'm not in the mood." A while later, he went into the room next to our bedroom to watch tv. I discovered that during that period of maybe an hour, he was watching porn. That was the first time we'd been apart in 48 hours, and the first thing he did was watch porn. Then the next morning I had to go to an appointment, and he had his son staying the weekend. I can only assume that while his son was in the shower, he watched quite a bit of porn and then probably masturbated during his shower. I was only gone for 2.5 hours and he was once again doing this.

2) Last week he woke up early. Sometimes he wakes up early, watches porn out of boredom, and then wakes me up to finish the process. He's admitted this to me. But this time, he watched porn and then jumped into the shower. He didn't wake me, even though he knows that's my favorite way to be woken up.

3) A few weeks ago we were having sex and ended up stopping before either of us finished. He immediately went into the other room with his computer, and about half hour later went towards the shower. I asked why he was taking a shower (he just had his morning shower a few hours ago), and he said it was because HE WAS COLD. He was in there forever and I heard a bottle opening multiple times. You don't open bottles to RE-wash in the shower if you are taking a shower because you are cold. I looked at his history later and saw that he had indeed watched porn right before this. Later that night, I told him I wanted to have sex since we didn't finish earlier. He told me he wanted to. Then he unenthusiastically touched me and wouldn't even try for sex, didn't even get an erection, and told me he was too tired. I went into the other room to cry for an hour because he made me feel so unwanted and embarrassed.

 

After the above example, days later, we had a fight about our sex issues. I brought up how the whole thing made me feel. I told him I couldn't understand why he wouldn't want sex - he had been hornier earlier, why wasn't he still then? He wanted sex earlier, why not that night? Of course, I knew he masturbated. I wanted him to tell me that. If he told me, I'd be OK! But he just kept making excuses and blaming me. What could I do? Tell him I knew he was lying because I looked through his browser history without his permission?

 

I feel SO horrible for invading his privacy this way. I genuinely wish I could take it back. Now the problem is I know what he's been doing. I've been infuriated about it. I know so many times he's lied to me. I know he's literally watching porn every opportunity he gets when I'm away. If we're together for days - it's the hour I'm in the shower and getting ready. If I'm at work - it's every single night I'm working. He's looking every day. He as that desire every day. He tells me he has limited sexual desire. He is masturbating when I am home and wanting to have sex with him. I've told him I'll do anything with him, too, not just intercourse. I'll give him a blowjob, help him masturbate, whatever he wants. And he still chooses to masturbate, and then with me, pretend he's too tired or has no desire.

 

Yesterday when we were talking about him masturbating when I'm not home (which I am ok with, and even encourage), and I asked him very calmly and non-confrontationally if he ever did it when I was home. He said no. He looked in my eyes and said no. I knew he was lying, but I couldn't say anything.

 

What do I do!? If I tell him how I've betrayed him, he won't trust me anymore. He would definitely have the right to be mad, but I am obviously going to implicate myself. If I don't tell him what I've done, I have to live knowing what he's doing and not say anything even when I know he's lying. I have been having emotional breakdowns, feeling so ugly and unwanted and disrespected. Knowing this is tearing me apart. I don't know what to do or how to proceed. And I know so many of you will chastise me for doing what I've done, and I deserve it. But many of you will also tell me that my boyfriend is a piece of * * * * and that I deserve better and bla bla dump him. But as hard as it might be to understand, given everything I've said, I love him, and I know he loves me. We are a really good match, and there is something special when he are together. He is so good to me in every other way. But this is a huge, real problem. I'm at a loss.

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I'm 20 years old, and I pretty much sound like your boyfriend too. God, it's embarrassing. Maybe you'll get something out of hearing from my side of the story.

 

I'm very fit, and I eat healthy food often. I'm average size, average girth when I masturbate. When I'm going at my pace, uninterrupted without any pressure or anything like that, I'm fine and it feels good and I get the job done promptly. But for some reason, maybe lack of libido or erectile dysfunction or the pressure of sex, I just can't get it up completely and usually it won't be hard enough to penetrate. Seriously, it's embarrassing as hell and it must be a huge disappointment to my girlfriend because I get her really hot and into the mood with foreplay.

 

To be honest, I want to stay away from sex until I can figure out a solution to my problem. Maybe it's a lack of testosterone? I don't know. I wish I could find a natural cure for it. Maybe it was cause I masturbated too often. Maybe it's cause I'm circumsized and the feeling isn't there. I don't know what it is but it's embarrassing because she's not seeing me for the real me. Whenever I get a blow job, I get slightly harder but never hard enough to do anything about it, and I keep thinking to myself "pump pump pump" or something to try and get it up there.

 

I wouldn't want to tell my girlfriend I masturbate either, I mean what an insult that would be. I have told her that before I met her, I practiced celibacy. I had left a very painful break up and I cursed myself never to get with a woman ever again as a form of punishment and from that I practiced celibacy for a couple of months. Yeah, it sounds pretty intense doesn't it. Honestly though, I don't need sex and I can be in a relationship without it.

 

I was thinking of using some kind of supplement or something like that as well to help me get it harder, but I'm a little too shy to look into that or order it and keep it around where my parents might see it or have to pick it up at a drug store. Really, I don't know why I'm like that, it just really sucks and I am very healthy too so it makes no sense to me.

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The erectile dysfunction is from the porn. He has an addiction problem with the porn and his penis is massively desensitized to the touch of a vagina or perhaps anything outside of his own hands. You need to talk to him about this. Ignoring it will mean you will never have a healthy sex life and it will lead to resentment in the long run.

 

It happens a hell of a lot.

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Do you really want to stay in a relationship like this?

 

Since you're not married I think you should start over. Do you want this to be your ever after?

 

It doesn't seem like this is a relationship that's going to work out. If he doesn't want to sleep with you....

He's making up excuses explaining why he can't sleep with you...he's lying to you, and you're stressed out. Is it really worth it?

 

I was in a similar situation. My ex was like that. He had a boyfriend on the side, and despite his cheating I stayed with him. I was like you, sad, depressed, feeling rejected because he didn't want to sleep with me. But I stayed, I wanted to work it out, regardless, because I loved him.

 

If he wouldn't have come to his senses and dumped me I would probably be in a living hell right now.

 

So it's probably best to let him go.

 

I totally sympathize with you though; I understand.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Dump this guy. He has serious issues that aren't going to get any better without professional help.

 

He is a porn addict and he has taken himself out of the gene pool and will end up alone with his hand without professional help.

 

It is a sad state of affairs these days with all these young guys ruining their sex lives with porn.

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  • 1 month later...

I nearly cried when I read your post. I am going through a very similar experience with my boyfriend and it is tearing me apart. I wanted you to know you aren't the only one going through this and I was also wondering if you have spoken with him about this yet and what the outcome was as I am having serious difficulty dealing with my problems?

 

In my case, and almost certainly in yours, the erectile dysfunction is a cause of massive depression and anxiety in my boyfriend (which in turn contributes to the problem), making it something very difficult to just talk about. He gets angry and defensive or incredibly embarrassed and depressed. I obviously don't want to make him feel like that so it's a difficult subject to broach. He also feels guilty about making me feel unattractive as he's not stupid and can see that that's what's happening. A lot of people who post things like 'just dump him' or 'tell him to stop watching porn' don't really get that - you wouldn't tell someone to dump their partner if they were suffering from serious depression or somesuch, and this is no different.

 

When I'm thinking about it rationally I can see quite easily that he's probably watching the porn because he knows that he can get an erection and orgasm like that whereas his anxieties prevent him from doing that with me. It must provide some sort of emotional relief from the anguish of erectile dysfunction in real sexual situations for him to know that, even if it is only when he masturbates, it all still works. However, I can't always be rational about it and it makes me feel inadequate and unattractive, rejected, and even betrayed, and I start behaving in ways I don't like, such as being paranoid and checking his computer.

 

In every other way we are a perfect couple and I don't want to lose that or to abandon him while he is struggling with this issue. I am trying to stand by him and work out ways for things to improve but I don't know how without getting him to see a doctor, which at the moment he won't.

 

I hope things work out for you.

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OP your boyfriend is addicted to porn like someone else said. he doesnt have erectile disfunction, his penis wont perform normally because he masturbates more than is healthy.

 

I masturbate almost every day and I still have the desire to sleep with my girlfriend. I dated a girl who did this same stuff (different reason) except we had a great sex life for awhile and then it just stopped.

 

I held on out of my feelings for her trying so many things but nothing worked. I think your boyfriend not making an effort with the viagra says more about him than his erectile disfunction. he sees that this is killing you yet he does little about it.

 

Id say dump him. sex isnt everthing but its important. its the most basic level of attraction and intimacy and helps keep a relationship healthy and the partners feeling desired. he probably wont change, dont take on his baggage

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  • 8 months later...

Well, I read this post because im having the exact same problem with my boyfriend right now. Im not going to tell you to break up with him because I know how it is. Its more than something you can just drop because of (one) slip up. But you should tell him you know. Tell him the truth. Say exactly what happened:

 

one day he left his computer with me to look at a recipe, and I started looking up gross images to put on his browser as a joke when he got his computer back. I changed my mind, and tried to clear my searches. I went into his history to make sure it worked, and I saw some porn viewing in there.

 

But also let him know you are NOT mad he is watching porn and that he shouldnt be ashamed of it.

 

Thats what I did, it wont help solve the problem of him choosing porn over you, I only wish I knew how to fix that problem. But it will get rid of the guilt you feel about looking up his history. It will also let him know that you know about it.

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Could I suggest that when you're wanting it, you start masturbating or using a vibrator on yourself. Make plenty of noise and appear really into it. A good time to do it would also include when he heads off to masturbate, or is away doing it (you'll be making enough noise).

 

If that can't get him between your legs, then he needs help.

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  • 2 months later...

I'm going through this same problem with my boyfriend. We have been together for a year and only had sex 4 times. It was within the first week of meeting aand since then we haven't even kissed intimatly. We now live together and I feel so rejected. I'm very attractive and don't understand why he doesn't want to even touch me. He says he wants to get married and loves me but that he is too depressed to have sex. If I try and make a move towards him he blocks it, if I dress sexy, he will act like a 5th grader and make some dumb comment. I leave the house with the same outfit and I'm not kidding, menstop in their tracks. I recently got our cable bill and he has been watching porn. He says it wasn't. Him, there is no one else. I love him, but feel rejected and can't help question if he is cheating on me and can't have a sexual relationship with the person he is with. I get so frustrated I have been on the vergge several times of kicking him out. He refuses help and gets defensive and makes it out like I'm a pervert and that sex shouldn't be important. Sad and wondering what I should do.

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  • 2 weeks later...

As what seems to be the common denominator on this thread, all of these men are watching and unable to control their habit. And not being able to control their habit has caused them tremendous problems in their relationships. Most people do like porn and will look at it (men and women) just as sure as most people will, are or have masterbated and will continue to. That's not a big deal. We're humans, we have desires and we enjoy sexual intimacy as well as attention. However, there is a much bigger issue when looking porn or masterbating begins to take over your psyche and becomes the drug. Whereas no matter where you are or what you're doing, you're looking at it. That is an addict. The person at work, locking the door to his office on his work computer, looking videos and pictures. Or the guy who's wife is in the next room, butterball naked and waiting to be taken! Meanwhile, husbands in the room accross the hall, screwing off. That's a problem and that's something that you need help for.

 

I feel very sorry for the women of this thread and women everywhere going through this problem. I'm sure that has to be very emotionally draining and difficult to handle.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Oh damn- this is exactly what I needed. I have the same problem although not as extreme. I also found a device that looked like a masturbating tool (fake vagina). I confronted him about it only after a WEEK of feeling depressed and unwanted and freaked out because of this stupid toy. I still feel insecure about it mostly because now I think every time he doesnt want to have sex it's because of the porn and this thing. Two days ago we had a fight after I wanted to and he was tired. After talking about how we have different sex drive I ended up forcefully stating IM A REAL LIVE PERSON AND IM SORRY IF YOU PREFER PORN STARS AND PLASTIC. We're both young and attracted to each other and in love- our sex drives should be peaking with each other. ....Lets just say the conversation didnt end well.

Something I've never ever done was snoop...until now. Totally looked at his history and keep checking it periodically. I feel terrible and wrong every time I do it but something in me needs to know! I found things that I didn't (really) didn't want to see but at the same time wanted to know. This is killing me because I don't know how to tell him tactfully. It's almost like a messed up jealousy and only because it's resulting in him not wanting to have sex. Its wrong honey- so wrong.

I've tried watching porn and it doesn't do it for me- neither does masturbation. I've ask him about fantasies and suggest trying new things and asking what he likes but it still results in lying next to him naked at night....im not a troll - and this is hurtful to me to be rejected.

I don't know what to do. Sex isn't the only thing in a relationship but it's important to me and I've told him this. I know he's using the chrome incognito mode now after a porn site continuous kept popping up under 'most viewed' and i joked about it. there's no way he's stop watching it. I really don't mind him watching it - it's just resulting in me being unsatisfied sexually.

 

I think your guy is being very selfish- it takes two for sex and let him know that. Maybe hell think twice.

Hope our sex lives get back on track and take care. You are beautiful person you just gotta remind yourself of that. Its not you it's modernity and a population obsessed with voyarism. don't let the porn robots replace real people

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Oh damn- this is exactly what I needed. I have the same problem although not as extreme. I also found a device that looked like a masturbating tool (fake vagina). I confronted him about it only after a WEEK of feeling depressed and unwanted and freaked out because of this stupid toy. I still feel insecure about it mostly because now I think every time he doesnt want to have sex it's because of the porn and this thing. Two days ago we had a fight after I wanted to and he was tired. After talking about how we have different sex drive I ended up forcefully stating IM A REAL LIVE PERSON AND IM SORRY IF YOU PREFER PORN STARS AND PLASTIC. We're both young and attracted to each other and in love- our sex drives should be peaking with each other. ....Lets just say the conversation didnt end well.

Something I've never ever done was snoop...until now. Totally looked at his history and keep checking it periodically. I feel terrible and wrong every time I do it but something in me needs to know! I found things that I didn't (really) didn't want to see but at the same time wanted to know. This is killing me because I don't know how to tell him tactfully. It's almost like a messed up jealousy and only because it's resulting in him not wanting to have sex. Its wrong honey- so wrong.

I've tried watching porn and it doesn't do it for me- neither does masturbation. I've ask him about fantasies and suggest trying new things and asking what he likes but it still results in lying next to him naked at night....im not a troll - and this is hurtful to me to be rejected.

I don't know what to do. Sex isn't the only thing in a relationship but it's important to me and I've told him this. I know he's using the chrome incognito mode now after a porn site continuous kept popping up under 'most viewed' and i joked about it. there's no way he's stop watching it. I really don't mind him watching it - it's just resulting in me being unsatisfied sexually.

 

I think your guy is being very selfish- it takes two for sex and let him know that. Maybe hell think twice.

Hope our sex lives get back on track and take care. You are beautiful person you just gotta remind yourself of that. Its not you it's modernity and a population obsessed with voyeurism. don't let the porn robots replace real people

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This is very sad to read all of these beautiful women dealing with this awful epidemic. Then I realize this to as happen toward the end of my relationship. These images behind a screen asks for nothing and several of these men are very disconnected. It is so sad

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  • 2 months later...

I have a similar problem. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly two years, and the first 8 months or so of our relationship were long-distance. During that time, the sex was amazing, and we were so madly in love. Then we moved in together, and my partner went through a sort of depression for several months during which he would not sleep with me, and was watching a lot of porn. I know he was because he left his Facebook on one day, and I saw a conversation he had had with a random girl (who had a reputation for sleeping around) saying things like "The internet is being so slow today, so I can't watch much porn," and "You look so hot in that photo..." I was really upset and felt betrayed, as he had told me so many times he rarely, if ever, watched porn. I'm not an idiot, I know men have a stupid fascination with porn, but he had so obviously lied to me, and was happy to admit to random girls that he watched a lot of porn. I asked him to move out for a few days. We nearly broke up, but I confronted him by pointing out that he seemed depressed; he was not working or looking for work, he never left the house, and he played computer games all day. He realised I was right, and within a few days had got a job, and was doing better.

 

Anyway, a few months went by and things were ok, but in the past six months things are bad again. My boyfriend never tries to instigate sex, and initially he said it was because I rejected him too much. This was actually quite true, because up until 2 weeks ago I was working one job full time, and another evening job part time, and was always tired and stressy. So I left the second job (for other reasons as well), and still.... nothing. I feel really rejected and my self-esteem has plummeted because he has no interest in me. If I even lean forward to kiss him he moves his face so I end up kissing his cheek. He always denies masturbating to porn, yet he keeps a toilet roll by his side of the bed, and after checking the computer history (which he carefully checks and deletes) I usually find evidence of porn. I wouldn't mind him watching porn if he actually wanted to have sex with me as well, but he clearly doesn't. I hate bringing it up because it always ends in arguments, and never gets us anyway. I realise that he can't stop watching porn, even for a short time, and apart from throwing the computer out of the window, there's not a lot I can do.

 

I love him dearly, he is my best friend, and we spend loads of time together, yet he doesn't appear to find me attractive any more, and won't sleep with me. And the types of porn he watches upsets me as well. He either watches 'gothic girl' porn or porn with women with massive breasts - neither or which I am or can compete with. I just wish he would admit he watches so much porn, and then tries to hide the evidence. I get up for work early every day, and usually he doesn't start until lunchtime - he used to go to the gym during this time, but now it's just porn or computer games (consequently he has put on weight). I don't know how to handle the situation. Clearly, he won't stop watching porn, and our sex life has deteriorated. And in all honesty, I don't even want to sleep with him any more because on the rare occassions I do, I don't feel I can match up to the pornstars he sees daily. I just feel rubbish and down.

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Although I knew this problem probably was quite common due to the proliferation of porn in modern society and its high accessibility this day in age due to the Internet, you still can't help but feel all alone in your problems. I'm so happy, well not happy, but I feel less alone in my troubles now that I've read all your posts.

 

I'm in the exact situation as a lot of you are and it really does hurt my self-esteem. My bf has an addictive personality so it's no surprise to me that he's addicted to porn, but like any addict he doesn't think he has a problem. This morning I crawled underneath the covers and was giving him head and he was getting very hard, but then there would be split seconds of him going slighty soft and then hard again. I could sense that something was wrong and sure enough when I looked up he had his iphone in hand and was watching porn. Safe to say we argued, he apologised and said how much he regretted doing it. But, this was of course not the first time he's done this.

 

He says he loves me and I do turn him on, but every time we try having sex (penetration) he tends to go soft. He tells me it's all him because he over-thinks during sex, but then he obviously doesn't do much thinking when he watches porn during sex. I have nothing against porn, in fact I watch porn occasionally myself either with him or without him. But I never keep my eyes fixed on the pornstars while we're supposed to be having sex.

 

He's just gone off to work and I've emailed him a link on how men are becoming increasingly addicted to porn and how that's ruining relationships. Hopefully he'll read it with an open mind and not come home berating me and accusing me of trying to find problems in everything. Sometimes I wonder how I can love such a compulsive liar and times such an insensitive bastard... I guess I must be a sucker for pain.

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This'll be a short post as I need to leave for work, but I'm going to chip in from the male side of the fence.

 

My girlfriend and I used to have a very active (3-4 times a day) and adventurous/open minded sex life, the best I've ever had in my 30 years of age. Nothing else could even remotely turn me on, images, movies, strippers/dancers (this was at a friends stag party, no I don't go to clubs), all I could ever think about was her and us together.

 

In the last two months she's totally switched off. We're talking sex 1-2 times a month now. She rebuffs me if I go near her, and often won't even let me kiss her. She says it's stress and she apologises and hopes it doesn't continue, as she misses the way we were too, but it's gotten to the point I am physically afraid of being with her. The few times we do have sex I find terrifying, as it's so rare I worry about it going wrong and putting her off more and so on. I can't stop thinking when we're together and find it very hard to maintain my flow and so on. The only time I can get aroused now really is through online stuff, but even then it's an effort.

 

My point is it's not always cut and dry that "men are animals for liking porn", sometimes there are other reasons. Sometimes yes, they are simply hooked on filth, but not always.

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I have an idea. I would not confront him... Do you have issues with watching porn? I know in a recent statistic, 45% of women watch it and like it. Maybe instead of just looking at his browser history, check out what he's viewing... Whenever you go to check it, pay attention to what he's watching and how to actor in the porn acts. You sound like how I use to be. Im not quite like this anymore in any since of the word. I find porn so educating and I enjoy watching in a getting off to it. Id view what hes viewing, see if you get into it. If you get into it....what id do...and this is just what im suggesting is..OPEN UP!!...

 

In random conversation, maybe before bed let him know you have a fantasy. Let him know you want to watch porn together or tell him you are interested in being his little porn star for the night. And just a question, are you feeling attractive latley, does he seem like hes attracted to you. Youll know if he doesn't...He won't look at you and won't talk to you that much and may even act kindof like a jerk....Like disinterested...Id pay more attention to your person hygeine, wear his favorite perfume and choose a different one, get nice and hairless and lotiony and do your hair, make sure to brush your teethe really well and stick a piece of dentyne ice in your mouth...

this is all before bed...Do your eye make up cat eyes and black...so that way you are more comfortable bringing this up to him prior to bed. Just bring it up like none-chalantly...

 

Sorry one other thing I thought of asking you: Do you cook and clean and do your womanly household duties? If you don't that could be whats causing this.. I know because it caused my ex boyfriend who i loved very much to fall in the arms of another girl and ask her hand in marriage. Uuum I worked til like 830pm sometimes and he's always be asking me, whats for dinner or can I pick something up...Instead of me saying, I don't know...whatever...I should of been cooking after work atleast 3x a week. He worked nights so he slept in the day time, that was a HUGE issue in our relationship and now I see it after we have been broken up for so long. Its funny, you never realize just what you have until you lose it...=/ If he says yes to my suggestion, I suggest you dominate him more. That was another issue in my previous relationship---I hardly ever dominated him...When I say dominate, I mean, once he makes that small move oftouching you and rubbing you, get on top of him and kiss him on his lips and neck and so on...Give him a bj but don't let him finish, get that condom on and ride his brains out!...stop and change into like upward doggy style...Bend over like that and spread yourbutt cheeks and touch your punanny and give him some sexy looks... This is the reason I think porn is so educating, it teaches you to lead and not just follow...

 

Hope this helps you, really if you guys love eachother and hes not cheating, I believe you guys still have a chance...Just wish I wasn't so jelous and lazy in my last relationship, maybe he would of re fell in love you know?...Sucks but I really care about my new partner so we will see..

 

See what happens, get back to me if hes still acting retarded!! lol

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  • 2 weeks later...

All these guys do is say "oh I don't know whats wrong why i can't get it up boo hoo" Well if you idiots would stop masturbating then maybe you could have sex or you just a fag! Wonder why your girlfriend or wife cheats. GIVE HER SOME stupid and she won't cheat. Then all they want to say boo hoo she cheated on me. I am in the same situation as these other women. I've had enough. My computer crashed and he bought me another one. He has always said laptops so are stupid. Well he got a hard drive for my computer that went bad, now it is in our bedroom. Ha he has been looking up porn and wanking from MY old computer. I'm about ready to break that computer or take the power cord and chunk it. I about ready to let this go public too. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH. Women you can't just sit down and talk to your man in a sweet little voice and tell him how this hurts you. You have to show your @$$. I ready to leave but this ain't going down without a fight.

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Thank you for this forum. I needed to read this! After six years of a virtually sexless on again/off again relationship with my BF, he FINALLY told me what his issue is. a) masturbating too much and b) watching too much internet porn. For years, we've been on again/off again because of his gambling addiction and drinking issues. Lovely, I know. So this really comes as no surprise -- and in some ways, I was relieved to have confirmation that it's not about me. However, at the same token, I am pissed. I would totally watch porn with him. But, after reading these posts and knowing how he is with the gambling addiction, I highly doubt he is going to give this addiction up... or modify it to include me. This really stinks. For years, I felt like I wasn't pretty enough... even though, as one of the other ladies said about herself, I'm a very attractive women. I could totally relate to her experience being rejected by her BF when other guys are falling down at her feet. And frankly, I've cheated on him... remorselessly. Because, for years, I tried to get an answer out of him re: lack of sex and he'd either blow up so dramatically that I just had to end the conversation or completely ignore me. Maybe if I tell him I cheated on him, he'll be more inspired to stop? I mean, it may sound callous to some of you that I did that, but c'mon. I tried EVERYTHING to get him to open up -- without being confrontational or judgmental -- to no avail. I'm VERY open-minded. No problem going to the strip club with him and letting him watch the skank touch my boob kind of open-minded. As women, we are held to a high standard of beauty and it makes us feel insecure. At least, it makes me feel insecure. When my BF and I did have sex, he absolutely could not climax during sex... he was very selfish... happy to enjoy a BJ then guffawing at finishing me off... and not returning the oral favor oftentimes (unless I begged), which just made me feel ugly and downright pathetic. I mean, he'd be finishing me... and SIGHING. Like it was such a chore. How rude is that? Now I don't know what to do. On the rare occasion that we do have sex, I like it. I love him. But I just can't deal with yet another addiction and think I need to move on. What did the other girls do? Guys... what should I do here? Should i just continue to get it elsewhere on the sly? I hate that. It's so dishonest, but at the same token, he is being dishonest. I'd love to sit and watch porn all day with him, frankly, but I don't think he'll let me in. He finds comfort in his discomfort. Sigh. Thanks for listening. I'm too embarrassed to talk about this with my friends. Can't believe my BF would rather beat off and watch porn that get it in with a real hot and freaky girl. While I know it's not technically about me, I can't stand it. It still feels like it's about me.

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why would you be in a sexless relationship for six years? I can't imagine 6 months let alone 6 years... that's insanity. It took him 6 years to open up? He still refuses too communicate with you to this day, what does this tell you. It effects your self esteem making you feel like your the problem and you've cheated to top it all of.

 

I'm not gonna say leave him that's ultimately your decision, only you can make that but ask yourself what are you getting out of this? Do you like causing yourself pain and living in misery? If you love him then you have to decide to stay is all you what you want from life.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I don't feel alone anymore now that I see Im not the only one suffering from porn. I’m having exactly the same problem. My bf is 25 and we have sex once a month! last time I had it was 6 weeks ago. and he was drunk. it was perfect though. but the first 3 intercourses (when we just started dating)were unsuccessful, I mean he couldnt come at all. and he just stopped. I wasnt upset though, cuz I knew he had a lot of problems in his life and he still does, but he still finds time to watch porn, about 3-5 times a week. instead of coming over. when a real girl wants him bad! we dont live together, but I still can see when he’s online. the thing is, what bothers me most, when I invite him over, he gets mad and starts fighting about it and he says he can’t he’s busy and stressed and cant even think about having sex, but when he gets home after work I see him online. and his friends’ list is more than 300 porn addicts with naked pictures and collections of porn videos and pics, like thousands. from incests to shemales and fettish and even animals. I wouldn’t know what kind of porn he’s watching, but he adds these videos to his list online, so that everyone sees it, he didnt know about it and deleted all 1500 videos from the list when I first found out about him watching porn and asked him if it’s his account, of course he claimed it wasn’t his. and most of those videos were mature ladies porn with young guys, incests, sometimes shemales and lesbians. But mostly mature women with big * * * * , an even fat old women and hairy!!!like a lot hairy. NO OFFENCE, ladies, I'm just a girl who's hurt.

He even emailed one guy saying thank u for the collection of pics cuz loves very hairy women too. that’s disgusting. I am 23, I’m sexy, guys like me a lot and I’ve never faced this problem before. No one was unsatisfied. I’m open to a lot of things but I cant see him watching it. the worst thing is, he even emails them sometimes, some stuff like I wanna lick your p***y and other things. I talked to him about it once, but he flipped out and said it’s not his and he almost left me, said I didnt trust him. A that time I didnt know he was communicating to the ladies from time to time, I thought just watching. I believed him, cuz I had no proof and even apologized.

But now I do have that proof. I could be a good investigator... but I feel bad for checking his profile and knowing his password, and going through his stuff. I dont know what to do. I'm afraid if I tell him he'll get mad that I went through his stuff and leave me. On the other hand, he lied to me and even tried to chat with ladies! I caught him once on a dating website offering one-time sex to a girl of my age. I tried to speak to him in a sweet voice like honey bla bla bla i love u, although deep inside I wanted to curse him out. But I knew I would regret cuz I love him anyway. But I can't live with this lie, I lie to him too. I pretend that everything's ok but deep inside I'm dying of pain. I'm tired of being jealous and gueesing if he ever cheated on me or not. I assume he did. He even had a link with escort services in our borough. But yet I have no proof he did. But chatting with girls and women from the city we live in on a porn website IS considered cheating in my opinion.

I’m faithful and never cheated on him. never. I have a very high sex drive, I can have sex every day. and I want him only! but getting it once for 1-2 months makes me mad. And what bothers me most that he prefers looking at mature ladies to me. And he emailed one a couple days ago (I know his password but he doesnt know about it), she’s 40 and even from the same city… she didnt reply though. And she’s curvy. And I’m skinny, but my sizes are ok, I mean not small. so that my friends are even jealous, that I’m skinny but still have good sizes, u know what I mean. So I guess there’s nothing wrong with me, but he made me feel that way now. even though he would never admit it. He talks s**t about guys watching porn and masturbating. and doesn’t have sex with me at all. when he was drunk he got a vibrator for me, like I said I’m open to many things and didnt get mad we even played with it once for fun. and that’s it. He said he can’t see me that often cuz he’s busy so I can use it sometimes. I have a feeling he just replaced himself with it. but since he gets home every evening and finds time for mature porn that means he is not THAT busy. and and we’ve been dating for a year. and had sex about 10 times. total. And he’s planning to marry me and have kids. But I’m scared to move in together and marry him. Cuz I dont wanna see him jerking off every time I go to work. I’m a very devoted and sensitive person. I don's see anything bad in porn but not when you have a real attractive girl who's oen to you anytime you want and you don't even have sex with her. and watching INCESTS. OMG it’s disgusting. And his family is normal, they’re religious and nice people. so i dont know what to do and what to think… cuz I’m hurt. I wanna be loved and who knows may be he cheats on me with real ladies… So i dont know what to do... I don't wanna ruin my life and break his. But I dont wanna be one of those faithful sad unsatisfied wives regretting that they didn't dump their cheating husbands long time ago... I'm completely lost...

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  • 1 month later...

I'm ashamed to admit this, but I had the same problem the first original poster mentioned about her bf. I watched porn, and I showed my gf porn. Sometimes she enjoys it, but sometimes she'd just ignore the porn. Anyways, part of the reason I watch porn is that I look for the "ideal" sex image. Maybe I'm just an idiot. But, I will admit that I sometimes fantasize about other women/porn stars when I am having sex with my gf, because my gf isn't the sexiest of the bunch. Yes, I'm a slob. However, I'm here, telling you girls the truth. Sometimes I'm thinking about other things, such as work, or something else totally unrelated, so I am no longer hard, in the middle of sex. Sometimes it's that my gf isn't making enough noise or giving me enough feedback. There are a lot of reasons.

 

One time, and only one time, we didn't have sex for 3 months. She confronted me and cried. I told her the truth (for this specific incident)... she had bad breath. I guess it doesn't help that we have totally different work schedules too. She started having bad breath a few months back and I didn't have the heart to tell her, so I just turned away whenever she spoke to me when she was close. That was enough to turn me off. But after I told her, she started taking more care of herself, and it got better. We're having sex more now because I see how lucky I am to have her. It takes both parties to make it work.

 

My advice to the girls:

 

1) Try to determine the best time of the day/night your guy is able to maintain an erection. For me, it's usually in the morning after I wake up.

2) If he watches porn, don't make him feel ashamed for watching it. Instead, watch it with him, and put on the moves while he's watching it.

3) Ask your guy what he likes/doesn't like. I like my gf on top of me, so I can play with her breasts. I find I stay erected much longer like that. I tell her that. Ask how he wants you to dress.

4) Exercise, be in shape. Guys are genetically programmed to be physically attracted to women via the looks. It doesn't mean they are slobs. That's just how it is. This is especially true of guys who watch porn, since this is what their fantasies are. Unless your guy is watching fat porn? I'm not kidding.

5) Watch him carefully. Watch his eyes. If a hot chick walks by and he glances at her, don't get mad, but pay careful attention as to how the chick looks like. Do this enough times and you'll start to realize what he likes in a girl's appearance. Now, make yourself look like those girls. Maybe he's just the type that looks at every girl. Who knows. But if you can spot a trend, use that to your advantage. He probably doesn't have the heart to tell you something bad when you ask "does this make me look fat/pretty?"

6) If you truly sense he isn't attracted to you and you sincerely think you're hot, and there's no other issues like (odor, etc), then leave him. Maybe he's gay. If he cares, he'll try to stop you. If he just sits there like an idiot and doesn't try to stop you, he doesn't want to be with you. This isn't good for you. Leave.

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