I want to just give up :'(

More and more I'm thinking suicidal thoughts and I hate it Some of you may think it's a dumb reason but not being able to get an erection in bed with a hot girl is truly depressing I don't even know if going to see a doctor about this is going to help. I'm feeling very low as a man right now and I know that if I go see a doctor I'm not going to have any results for at least a month if not longer.

I just don't know what to do anymore I'm near my end never been so depressed in my entire life as I am right now, almost see no reason in living on each day knowing I'm half a man

please please start.... with taking it slow. take some time, you can find a solution I'm sure. waiting a month is worth the wait and ultimately i would guess that a doctor can find a solution for you. I don't really have experience with this but I'm sure I can understand at least to agree about how it makes you feel as a man. Don't give up yourself. Please!

Nooooo dont be stupid. I totally had the same problem, i was a virgin and was too embarrassed to tell the girl i was with. Whenever we tried to have sex i was always thinking about if i was going to be lousy or not and so i got so stressed that it just wouldnt rise to the occasion.

Ive never told anyone this before so its weird saying it on here! Anyway we actually broke up over it because it went on for months. And i was really low. So i went to the docs and then pretty much got referred to a therapist. She was really good to talk to and i got alot of questions answered which made me feel better. But in the end the turning point for me was just meeting a random girl at a club and she took me home, i was so drunk that i didnt care whether i performed well or not cuz i would never see her again either, and booyeah it was on!! And from then on ive been pretty much fine.

So mine was all in the head, but if its medical you can still get pills and stuff. Just trust me, i was really depressed, but hang in there because it will turn around, and then youll be loving life again, just dont be afraid to seek help.

god I'm having such a hard time, I have no will to do anything, I've been completely out of it all day just wishing I was dead I feel so alone and like a complete failure

I'm really starting to fall apart now I tried calling several doctors today and none of them are taking on new patience I really don't know what to do anymore but really want to get some answers before I go crazy and do something stupid

It's not fair that this happens to me, of all the ahole players out there that don't even care about women have no problem ever. I've only been with 2 other women in my life and now I'm already experiencing erectile difficulties at only 25 years old why me

Have you tried looking up some symptoms on the web?

Yes I have, and the only one I could really think may be the problem is lack of exercise. But the thing is when I'm on my own I have no problem getting an erection just when I'm with this girl I'm seeing I can't it's like my penis seems to lose all feeling it's so embarrassing

Like at first ya I could understand that maybe it was anxiety because she was older then me and more experienced. But after 3-4 other times trying anxiety of not being good in bed was gone all I wanted to do was be able to get it up I didn't care if I didn't last long. So I don't know if I can say it's anxiety anymore something else seems to be wrong with me and it's causing me more and more depressed and stressed out

I think you could be suffering with anxiety issues which are effecting the performance of your penis.. It's not uncommon, but it would be best to get it checked out by a doctor as I can't give you a diagnosis as I am not qualified to do so.. However I have found some information you may like to read from the following web site.

link removed

thanks tina for the link

Hope it helps. There are lots of other websites as well which could give you more info. Try Google searching.

Tina

thanks tina for the link

worried--okay embarrassing subject I know

My hub has this problem, wasnt always like that but the doc says the more stress and pressure that he puts on himself the more this will be a problem for him. He is a constantly worrying. As I was reading your posts, I remembered that my hub also had this problem when we first met to.

Once we got to know eachother a little more and feel total comfort it wasnt a problem, now as hes getting older its starting back up again.

He takes meds for this (solves problem-lasts long time-can go multiple)

Since he has started the meds, we have noticed that he doesnt always need them.

Talk to your doc, more than likely they will give you some to try. Couple side affects that my hub has noticed,

heart racing

body heat

red ears

stuffed up nose

Hope this helps.

Yes I have, and the only one I could really think may be the problem is lack of exercise. But the thing is when I'm on my own I have no problem getting an erection just when I'm with this girl I'm seeing I can't it's like my penis seems to lose all feeling it's so embarrassing

 

Like at first ya I could understand that maybe it was anxiety because she was older then me and more experienced. But after 3-4 other times trying anxiety of not being good in bed was gone all I wanted to do was be able to get it up I didn't care if I didn't last long. So I don't know if I can say it's anxiety anymore something else seems to be wrong with me and it's causing me more and more depressed and stressed out

 

Honestly simply having anxiety about getting it up itself can CAUSE the problem, it's like a self perpetuating circle. Have the problem, get worried about it, the anxiety causes the problem, even if the original reason you had the problem isn't a factor anymore. Do this problem/these thoughts pop into yr mind when it's "show time"? If it's when you're about to have sex, worry and anxiety about whether you'll get it up will -definitely- cause things to be a no-go for that session. If you get anxious come "show time" deal with that problem first. You might very well have no other problem than that. It's hard to relax and not think about it I'm sure. But really letting go of the worry is very important. do you get an erection in the morning? If so I would bet that you have no other problem but anxiety. See a doctor definitely tho. I believe the only things that really cause this are anxiety, something emotional/psychological (ie: more deeply rooted), or having had things in your system in the past that have caused a physical problem (recreational drugs, presciption drugs, etc)

 

Please see a doctor tho, and don't die. It may be embarrassing or make you feel like less of a man but it's so much better to stay alive. If this problem persist (which I really doubt it will) you can learn to get over it's effect on your self-esteem I think. Chances are this problem will be resolved for you one way or another (pills or therapy or simply a little anxiety control). I believe pills will be the LEAST likely to be nessecary. i bet you money it's just something inner that you'll be able to get over with a little patience and a little work.

 

Don't give up! It's not as bad as it seems ok?? You've got solutions available to you! I garuantee it!

 

I just re-read your post above and as you can see I highlighted a couple things. After noticing those parts I'll tell you even more so. I 99% gaurantee you that your problem is anxiety/inner. That's good news, don't die! You WILL handle this problem and it probly won't be as hard to do as you think.

Okay so an update...

The girl I've been seeing for the past little while has been very understanding and I really appreciate that from her when most girls would a) just give up and move on, or b) spread rumors to even do more damage to my self-esteem.

Now I pretty much agree with you UserLain that it probably is just anxiety... But even still I can't get rid of that message in my head when it comes time to perform "will I be able to get it up?" I've been very open with the girl I'm seeing and we talk about it and I feel so bad for her that I can't give her what she wants especially when I want it really bad too

The last time we tried was Saturday night and I finally got an erection after masturbating for like 10min straight which is really strange because I normally can get it up on my own within a few minutes no problem. The sad part is though once I finally got it up and put on the condom and was just about to have sex with her I lost it, it was so depressing and embarrassing

So what I am doing tomorrow because I still haven't been able to find a doctor who is accepting new patience, is going into our walk in clinic and seeing if maybe they will be able to provide me with some answers. I mean even if it is an anxiety thing maybe taking a viagra pill for a short time will help me build some confidence and then I won't need it at all?

I really don't know what else to do but I do know that I need to solve this problem soon because I am hating myself more and more everyday that I go on, I can't take my mind off of this it's there 24/7 even haunts me in my sleep

I really don't know what else to do but I do know that I need to solve this problem soon because I am hating myself more and more everyday that I go on, I can't take my mind off of this it's there 24/7 even haunts me in my sleep .

Dude, the paradox and the Irony here is that there IS no problem. It's in yr head!! There's nothing to solve or fix! It's just a worry that you to forget about! sounds crazy but it's the truth. Forgetting about it is your solution. Drop it out of yr mind, and if you dont get it up in the future let it GO, hard to do, but do it anyway. pretty soon it'll happen.

and yea, condoms suck,

Also, sounds like you got a great girl, congrats!

This thread reminded me of something I read once about stuttering. I was trying to find the original info but forgot what book I read it from. But basically it's the concept of an inner auto-correction system that guided missiles or auto-pilot systems have, that also exists in humans. When working fine, all is well. When over-correcting due to negative input the system doesnt function. I believe the book i read it in was psycho-cybernetics. It uses stuttering as an example of over-correction messing you. The same psychology is behind anxiety-produced physical problems like this. Look into it, you might find it enlightening.

read this page, then explore further if it makes sense to you. And if you doubt it, remember that you -only- have a problem with an erection when yr worried about having a problem with an erection, right?

short article-

link removed

an excerpt.....substitute the word stuttering...

Stuttering is an example of an inhibition caused by excessive negative feedback that inhibits speech. If one is overly critical of his own speech or is too careful in trying to avoid errors in speech, stuttering is likely to result.

I know man but you don't understand I try not to think about it but it just happens like when were making out and stuff it pops into my head without even thinking about it

Also when I go to the clinic tomorrow what should I say to the lady at the desk? I don't want to tell her my problem I only want to say that to the doctor I see...

you can do that. you can say youd rather not say. or just lie, when ive gone to a doc about something personal i jsut say i have a cold. the doc never cares that it was a lie

Don't go that far man. But i agree go slwo and take it easy if all else fails go to the dr. Don't worry lot of guys your age have the same problem so don't feel like your the only one in the world.

I can tell you tho, you'll be sent to a therapist gauranteed, especially if you tell him the problem is only sometimes. which of course, is exactly what you should tell him. you dont need a therapist, but it would be much easier if you had one. they'll just help you with some cognitive skills

Actually, what am I saying. You should see a therapist. this really affected you and it would be best to get some better more longer lasting help. please do. I think everyone needs a therapist in this life. We're all kinda messed up. We're just born into a messed up world, usually with no real help or guidance from our parents or others. Because you felt so strongly about this and felt suicidal I do hope you'll get from a therapist not just about that issue but in general. not that there's something wrong with you. But just for your own long term well being

I'm so pissed off right now!!!

I waited for over 2 hours at the walk in clinic, finally it was my turn the nurse comes in to ask me questions and I told her that I was here for personal reasons and as embarrassed as I was I ended up telling her my problem. She tells me that a physician will be in shortly to talk to me. I wait in this little room for 30 more min and then realize that it is almost 2pm and that I can't wait any longer because I have a dentist appointment at 2pm.

So I ended up not even getting to talk to a doctor about my problem and am just really sick of how slow our health care really is

I know man but you don't understand I try not to think about it but it just happens like when were making out and stuff it pops into my head without even thinking about it

But see, yr feeding it right now. With all this concern, worry. Don't try not to think about it, you will think about, let the thoughts come, and let them go. Sexual excitement is something that happens to you. It's your natural reaction to what your senses are experiencing. It has a hard time happening when there's a big wall of mental tension between you and your full reception of your sensory experiences. What this adds up to meaning is YOU are in the way here. Get out of the way. That includes trying to not think about it. You're trying to fix what isn't broken.

When you truly realize the cause of it is purely your worry, the weight will fall off you'll shoulders. You'll realize there's nothing to worry about but worry itself. You'll fully realize this by taking notice of how it occurs and how there's is no problem at other times when you're alone. As you watch this mental process unfold as it happens (right before sex) you'll begin to see more clearly the direct effect it has on your ability to get it up.

This is Mindfulness, and the principles of meditation at work.

(read a little something about meditation and the way someone meditating is taught to react to their own thoughts, this should really clarify what I'm saying, google "meditation" along with the word "monkey" or "monkey mind")

Read the second paragraph of this, it's short. link removed

That's just to give you an idea, next do some googling to help really solidify these ideas in your mind. It's important that you really get it. Until it really starts making sense to you, you probably won't really try and you'll stay stuck in the vicious circle of anxious thought.

the basic idea behind meditation is not that your mind clears of all thought but that thoughts are for the most part inevitable and that responding to them properly is what's important, it has to do with observing them, becoming unattached to them so they can arise and fade in the way that they're naturally meant to.

You don't actually need to sit in a quiet place with your eyes closed to gain from this. (Although that can be immensely more powerful)

Meditation is simply the discipline of mindfulness and can be done at any moment and in any situation.

I'm getting more and more tired everyday Still have no answers yet and the girl I'm with is probably getting sick of waiting and I don't blame her one bit

I hope you'll take my advice, and hope you'll see a therapist as well. You need to talk to her too about how she feels about it, so that you don't need to be afraid of her getting sick of it.

Okay so here's an update on my situation:

I finally got to talk to a doctor and he just asked me a few medical questions if I was on any medication I told him no then he asked me if I smoked and I said no, so he checked my blood pressure and said it was normal.

He also asked me if had been awhile since I had sex and I told him over a year and he said that might be the problem is that it's been awhile and that it's probably just stressed related so he gave me a prescription to try Cialus. He said maybe if I get in a good session or two it might restore my confidence so I really am hoping this Cialus stuff works it's different from Viagra.

So wish me luck guys!!!