How to not be needy in a long distance relationship?

It's so odd how different I am when it comes to harboring deep feelings for someone that lives far away. When I am in a relationship with a girl that lives locally, I give her plenty of space, sometimes don't contact her for days, don't text her, call her minimally and only to set up dates or times to meet. I've never had a problem. It's a perfect balance.

But when I am talking to a girl I like that lives far away I often myself becoming more needy. I text her a lot. Sometimes I get anxious if she doesn't text me back right away. I wonder if she's losing interest in me and has her sights on someone else. I prolong talking on the phone. Recently I almost stopped talking to her because I couldn't handle the strain. She broke down crying and told me to wait and be strong because she cares a lot. But it's just tough on me especially since I'm working two internships and a part-time job, plus writing on the side among other things. She likes me a lot and told me to be patient because eventually I will be able to see her but I'm afraid if I continue this irrational behavior it will be unhealthy for me and will in the long run push her away. I've already invested so much.

Why am I normal when it comes to a local relationship, and a mess in a long distance one?

And most importantly, how do I stop being needy? Help.

Well you said it, you are normal when the girl is near you because of that, she is near you! You know that even though you give her, her space you can see her anytime you like.

It is different when you are away from your SO because you cannnot see them as much as you want. The only way to communicate is to text, email, etc.

We get nervous because we care about that person and we do not want to get hurt, as much as we may trust someone theres always a thought in the head that makes you think, "Why didn't they text me back?"

All I can say is if you trust this person then there is nothing to fear, long distance relationships take work but then can be successful if both people work at it.

I do not think you are needy, your human we all need physical contact with the person we are with and when we are away from that person it takes priority over anything else, up to the point where you might think you are obsessing.

I can suggest that if you feel you are being too needy then get a journal and write whatever it is you are feeling.

I think this may be normal. My girlfriend is currently on vacation in the UK; she's been there for three weeks, and we actually became "official" while she was away, so I haven't gotten to see her in person (as my girlfriend) yet. The fact that she's five hours ahead of my timezone and can't speak to me very often lends to all kinds of ridiculous thoughts, neediness, and anxiety, all of which seem silly the next time I get to speak to her.

yeah i have just the similar problem that arises and i'm still trying my best to keep my cool, not be a 'needy freak'. We quarreled because she felt suffocated but everything's okay now.

I guess distance makes all of me inbalance and our of sort!

my only advise is to keep urself busy and it is time to practise self control on your part. It is not easy at all but you have to, especially if you want the relationship to go on.

It's much easier to validate you're relationship when you can see that person face to face. You can find affirmation with a touch and smile. You can look at eachother with acceptance and love. We take those things for granted sometimes. They really do play a big role.

When you're long distance(we once were) you lose the security you find in their touch and the way they look at you. You simpply have to go on trust. You no longer have visible proof. It's only words and it's not easy. You feel vulnerable and uncertainty is always lurking. I say "you" but this is just how I felt. But it taught me a lot and It gave us strength. To be able to beat those fears and insecurities and have complete faith in someone is a freeing feeling. I did it because I knew I had to. You can't walk the line in ldr's. You'll drive yourself crazy and the other person away. It's a risk, all or nothing. But for me, it was worth every day I waited.

What was the distance between you both and how long did you both go through the distance for before it finally ended?

Aceism,

I don't think you are needy. It is just that you are dealing with the dyanamic of an LDR. I felt the same way when I was in an LDR.

The key thing is, is she trustworthy? If she is, you might want to talk about some ground rules of how much you will be communicating and sensitive to responding to text messages. These are important issues, that can get blown out of porportion in an LDR.

If she is a reasonable person, it seems she would be willing to negoiciate with you on communicating on a regular basis and responding to txt messages. It's not a 'control' issue or an issue of being 'needy'. The issue is finding away to have peace of mind when dealing with the dynamic of an LDR, which are radically different from a regular 'local' relationship.

I went through the same thing, were I didn't call a ton with ladies I've dated 'locally', but found myself needing way more communication in an LDR to have that assurance that things were "OK".

For an LDR to work, both parties really have to go 'the extra mile' for it to have a chance.

Thanks for the advice guys.

I have talked with her, and she told me to just be patient and trust her. She is indeed a very trustworthy person. I have no good reason to doubt her. It's just a matter of practicing self-control like someone else said. I remember once I had a long distance relationship with a girl for about a year and a half - I had no reason to doubt her either but my neediness and prying tendencies eventually did drive her away.

This girl is especially sweet to me and a wonderful person so I want to do everything in my power to not ruin things.

I think having complete faith in someone like what anggrace said really is a liberating feeling. Since talking to her I've dialed down the insecurity and near constant reassurance and instantaneous contact from text messages and phone calls. Before that it would get so bad I would let the insecurity get in the way of my work and social life. My performance suffered and my friends questioned whether I would ever get off my phone. I wasn't living my own life anymore. So after talking to her I started living my old life again; I got in touch with old friends, started going out more, focused on my passion projects and stuff for work. It seems it gets easier as the days go on. And she's still in my life, too. I feel happy. And I think she's feeling a lot better too.

If anyone figures out how, let me know. If I don't hear from her daily I get neurotic... sick, can't eat, can't sleep, can't focus or be happy... why isn't she calling? Is she tired of this/me? Does she have someone else? Am I an appendix? LOL... yep, if there's a secret, I wish I knew it. Okay, here's what I know - you have to keep busy with your own agenda of work, friends, hobbies, etc. The more you have going on for yourself, the less reliant you'll be on your SO. Great advice. Wish I could take it.

i agree, busy yourself n do your own thing but then again, i'm afraid it's like i'm 'moving on'. Will it be such?

just_14 thats kind a how i feel sometimes.. i guess they say if its really supposed to be it will though no matter what, but my gf is super busy right now where as im not, so i need to do something! too much time on your hands not good for a LDR ive been finding out lol