why do i want him back?

I dont understand why I want him back. He hurt me a lot.

And yet, I can't stop thinking about getting back with him. But he made me feel like its MY FAULT that we broke up.

Here's why we broke up. Me and my BEST friend went out with him one night to the bar, and ended up getting pretty drunk.

He was hitting on my friend all night. And I got pretty pissed off by the end of it all. So I decided to hit on her too. I went down on her, and he decided that because I did, he was allowed to do it too. Even though I specifically said NO.

I ended up getting up and wanting to leave, but I stayed for some psychotic reason.

That night I ended up taking a bottle of sleeping pills, because my heart was in so much pain, I wanted to sleep forever.

The next day I woke up and I didn't remember what happened after taking the pills, but my friend said I was pretty messed up. (Convulsions and being unable to speak)

Let me clear up that my boyfriend (or exboyfriend) was always lying (caught him many times) and who knows if he was cheating on me as well during our whole relationship. He was very secretive, and seemed to always be out with "family" (which of course I was nevr allowed to come out with him at those times) He barely ever called me or anwsered my phone calls. I should be happy that he's gone, but I can't stop missing him. Forgetting the bad times, and just thinking about the good times.

A few days ago I told him that I missed him, and that I was wondering if we should get back together.

He told me he would think about it. He said that eveyrthing that happened was too recent, and he doesn't know if we should get back together.

(It happened on New Years Eve)

I sent him a letter explaining exactly why he hurt me (I have a past with being cheated on, lying boyfriends and abusive ones, as well as I've been out of rehab for addictions to hard drugs because of those previous relationships)

But It's been almost a week and no reply.

I just don't know what to do.

Because you don't think you deserve a decent guy?? This guy sounds like an absolute jerk to say the least and I can't believe his reaction when you gave him the letter... 'I'll think about it'... as if it was YOU were solely to blame even though he was hitting on your friend all night. What an idiot! Please don't go back to him.

Delete his number off your cell phone, delete him off facebook, never email him again etc. Just lose total contact - and you'll eventually forget about him. Look for a good guy too. Someone who'll never treat you like this again.

Well, you did cheat on him first with your friend so I don't think it is entirely his fault.

What I don't understand is that if you don't trust him and think he will hurt you a lot - why do you want him back?

I have been used and abused and beaten and raped and hurt by every man in my life.

I'm used to it. And I just really don't want to be alone. And I'm scared I won't find anything better out there.

i am in the same boat my girl friend treats me like garbage and i want her back,, what is wrong with me

Being alone would be a million times better than being with guys like these. There's nothing to be scared of being single and there's PLENTY of good guys who will treat you well, like you deserve.

Please look into counselling to understand why you have such low self esteem and think you only deserve jerks like these. Get rid and be on your own for a while -- it's fine!