This is going to be a pretty long post and I thank all who take the time to read it.
Basically I can't work out why my boyfriend is with me. Since we have gotten back together it has felt to me like we have just been floating along. It has been a bit up and down which I think is due to issues that have yet to be resolved.
It was going very well indeed and for about 5 months we didn't argue once or have a difference of opinion.
But there is no talk of the future or anything like that. Ther have been times when I have started to feel frustrated with this so one night not so long ago, I let him know that I needed to talk to him.
I told him that the relationship as it is is pretty much doing my head in. I mentioned all of the things that were bothering me, and told him that I just wanted to know if I was wasting my time with him. He told me that he couldn't answer that. I asked him about it a bit more, and he said that it's not like he wouldn't like to get a place together, it's just that money is tight right now and that he should have some money soon from this thing he is doing. I explained to him that I'm in no hurry for us to move out of our parents houses, it's not even about that, but more about wanting to know where the relationship is going. I just need to know that it's going to go somewhere and that I am not wasting my time.
Another issue is that he plays a lot of hockey and to be honest is pretty obsessed with it. This wouldn't be a problem but it's all he focuses on. He is 27 this year, he works for his dad. He is in no way a bum and is very hard working but when we were together before he seemed to have some sort of ambition in life. He would say things like he doesn't want us to struggle in the future and what not but now there is no talk of anything like that.
I explained to him as best I could that I have no issues with the hockey, but at his age, it shoudn't be the only thing he focuses on. He should also be focussing on more important things like finding himself a decent job, not saying that he hasn't got one now but he can't work for his dad forever. He then accused me of trying to stop him playing hockey altogether, but that is not what I want at all. He does play it excessively though. He plays Tuesday, Wednesday, Friday and sometimes he has games all weekend. Again I want him to carry on because it makes him happy but I just wish that he would also look at other things in his life. He doesn't even have a bank account at this point. I have been talking to him for ages about getting one and he keeps saying he will but never does. He then accuses me of nagging him all the time. This is a problem though because he has no credit rating so if we ever got to the point of buying a house, he wouldn't be able to get a mortgage anyway.
This leads me to something else. In the past I have helped him decide on career options. I even went along with him to a careers advisor because it got to the point where working for his dad made him unhappy for various reasons. After the careers meeting he said he felt a lot better but nothing came of it at all and we're back at square one.
It hit me the other day though of what the reason could be. I think he would feel guilty somehow if he was to stop working for his dad and get a job of his own. His dad does have other employees but I think he relies heavily on my BF. If anything needs doing urgently, then it's my bf who does it and never says no even when he knows he is being taken for granted. I really do think this might be the reason which has made me a little angry because his dad is sorted in life. I want my bf to get sorted in his own life instead of supporting his dad all the time.
Another problem I have is that he seems to have become complacent in the relationship. We only see each other on weekends as we are both really busy through the week. It may not seems like a big issue to some, but I have a problem with the frequency of texts. He seems to just ignore me most of the time. It can take up to 9 hours for him to answer a text whereas I always answer as soon as possible. I have talked to him about this and he says that he doesn't know why it is an issue. It wouldn't be if we saw each other more often but you would think that because he doesn't see me all week that he would want to text a bit more often and it's not even as if he phones me to talk at all unless on the rare occasion that he wants something or we have something to sort out.
I also feel there is no affection in our relationship. He doesn't say anything at all that expresse the way he feels about me. He doesn't even say he likes me and rarely pays me a compliment.
I just don't know what to think. I can't work out why he is with me. We had a bit of an argument on the weekend, and I asked him why he is even with me and he didn't have an answer. He then asked me why I was with him and my answer was that my feelings towards him have not changed. He didn't have anything to say about it.
I have thought maybe it's just for sex, I have said this to him quite a few times in the past and he gets angry that I could think that and tells me it isn't but when I ask him the reason he is with me, he can't answer.
I'm not so sure if it is about that really as there have been times when I have been ill after operations and haven't been able to do anything sexual for over a month and he has stayed with me.
I just don't get it. I don't know what to do anymore. I just want to sort everything out so we can have a normal relationship where I know where I stand.
It's really starting to affect my life. I can't sleep at night and I can rarely eat and feel sick and panicky a lot of the time.
Can anyone help?