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"People Don't Change"


Maroney555

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I think one of the most mistaken clichés out there is that people don't change.

 

 

I really hope so.

 

I was thinking about something and it brought up a jealous tinge....

 

Then I started to wonder if this is ever gonna stop and how do I change it...then I started thinking about how people are convinced that people don't/can't change and it freaked me out. I know that if I don't stop this ASAP, my fiancee will leave me for good.

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First you have to identify what the route of your jealousy is

 

That's the problem..I can't quite figure it out I guess.

 

I just know that I am jealous of other women who (basically) my fiancee recognizes. From sexy movie stars to women who are wearing provocative things in a store we are at to women he works with and talks to on a regular basis.

 

The shot part is...I KNOW he wouldn't cheat on me, but I also know that if someone is going to cheat, they will no matter what and I am scared because although it's not in his personality, I fear that the more jealous and overbearing I am will push him TO cheat.

 

I need to fix it.

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Traits cannot be changed, but behaviours can be. Jealousy is a learned behaviour often based on past but sometimes on present circumstances.

 

Existing jealousy in a relationship can be caused by a number of things, and often it is a communication level between the couple. I was jealous of one particular ex because of the way she acted. She kept things that related to her very separate, to the point of not telling me about friends she caught up with regularly, contact with exes and the like. Yet in other relationships, I have had no jealousy at all.

 

A girl I have been seeing recently told me up front that she has close male friends, but they are good friends and there is nothing between them. She tells me if she hears from them and gives me no reason to be jealous. I have close female friends, and I do the same. One called the other day wanting to catch up. There is nothing to be hidden, so I told the girl I've been dating that I'd be catching up with my friend, and offered for her to come too, although we would be likely talking about my new girl anyway.

 

If they are still jealous after open communication, then there is something more to it. Perhaps they need to let go of the past, you aren't the cheating ex, or the secret keeping person.

 

If it can't be resolved I would think deeply if you could deal with this continued behaviour and whether it is worth having this person around.

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I know, I guess I just don't feel pretty enough. We also have an age difference and he is establishing his career while I am still in community college to transfer to get my schooling finished...I guess I am just really insecure all around.

 

Past: long story short.....he contacted his ex and told her all these negative things about me/us and how he wasn't happy and whatnot....something i can't seem to get over. he called her one final time in front of me to tell her he didn't want anything to do with her anymore and he was confused because we had been fighting a lot, but decided to work on things.

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People can change. You've made the first step by realizing and admitting that something needs to be changed. Some of us can't even get to that step.

 

You've gotta be willing to dedicate yourself to correcting unwanted behavior. But first you've gotta understand why you are jealous..I think once you find out, it'll be easier to correct.

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Remind yourself that he chose you... not them to share his life. The realization that someone who wants to cheat will is actually a good thing. If someone told you an asteroid was going to slam in to earth, would you stand outside with your hands to the sky in hopes of stopping it? Of coarse not. You would probably spend the time you have enjoying the company of the ones you love. Why wouldn't you do that now?

 

Focus on the things he does to make you feel loved and allow yourself to trust him.

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I know, I guess I just don't feel pretty enough. We also have an age difference and he is establishing his career while I am still in community college to transfer to get my schooling finished...I guess I am just really insecure all around.

 

Past: long story short.....he contacted his ex and told her all these negative things about me/us and how he wasn't happy and whatnot....something i can't seem to get over. he called her one final time in front of me to tell her he didn't want anything to do with her anymore and he was confused because we had been fighting a lot, but decided to work on things.

 

How long ago was that? Sometimes these things just require time to fade from your memory. If it's already been a while, however, then ask yourself what it is that you're still waiting for? Do you feel that he adequately apologised at the time? Do you feel that he fully recognised how hurt you were? Was there something you wanted to say to him about it that you never did and now feel you can't because it's too late? Usually if something like this remains on someone's mind after a period of time, it's because it's in some sense still unresolved, and they're waiting for something to happen before the incident can be closed.

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At least you recognize all of this. Knowing is half the battle, as they say!

 

That's the problem..I can't quite figure it out I guess.

 

I just know that I am jealous of other women who (basically) my fiancee recognizes. From sexy movie stars to women who are wearing provocative things in a store we are at to women he works with and talks to on a regular basis.

 

The shot part is...I KNOW he wouldn't cheat on me, but I also know that if someone is going to cheat, they will no matter what and I am scared because although it's not in his personality, I fear that the more jealous and overbearing I am will push him TO cheat.

 

I need to fix it.

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i am a very jealous person and have ruined parts of relationships being this way. i have often heard the statement that ppl cant change but i believe that u can change once u accept that it will be hard work and ur prepared to do the work. for me, jealousy comes down to not being happy in urself. the first step to tackling jealousy is to find a way to love urself more... spedn more time with urslef, get to know urself, improve what u feel needs improvement and hopefully with time u will no longer envy others as much, becos noone is how they seem.

 

sounds cliche but at the end of the day, if someone is going out with u, they like u ... they chose to go out with u... and chances are if u suffocate the person enuf they will draw back from u... so accepting urself will go a long way.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Yes, people can change! I am living proof of that. I was very jealous as a teen, now I am only mildly jealous, and even when I am, I realize I am and get over it.

 

I have also changed a lot of other things in my life that I didn't realize until some things happened to open my eyes.

 

You can't force a person to change though. They have to be willing to on their own.

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Yes, people can change! I am living proof of that. I was very jealous as a teen, now I am only mildly jealous, and even when I am, I realize I am and get over it.

 

I have also changed a lot of other things in my life that I didn't realize until some things happened to open my eyes.

 

You can't force a person to change though. They have to be willing to on their own.

 

this post is inspirational at the very least...shows to us that have issues (myself included for many reasons) can work on them and be happier in ourselves and ultimately our relationships

 

i hate the jealousy thing, been on both sides of it, its a very destructive emotion all round, and very painful when you feel it.. and i felt maybe i would never get over it. mind sometimes our SO have to help also (i was very attractive when younger and guys insecurity led them to putting me down while bigging other women up, well it didnt help

 

 

thanks for this post...

 

OP...if its any consolation "apparently" angelina jolie is very jealous - if thats true then if someone as beautiful/talented/humanitarian as her is consumed by such an emotion, then dont be too hard on yaself

 

hope you, i and all of us can overcome it and jus be happy and not get bogged down with insecurities

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  • 6 months later...

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