Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 19

Thread: "He who cares the least, has the power."

  1. #1
    anya85
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2007
    Posts
    247

    "He who cares the least, has the power."

    How do you feel about this statement? Do you think it's true? Does the person in the relationship, be them male or female, who cares the least--do they have the most power and essentially control the relationship?

  2. #2
    jettison

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    West Bay
    Posts
    5,708
    Thanked
    3
    Although it's in some ways true, in reality it's kind of sad if someone is so protected from their feelings that they aren't allowed to show that they care. Usually, this is the little game that people play with each other, and in the end, no one ever wins.

  3. #3
    Crazyaboutdogs
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    53
    Posts
    25,673
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    22
    Quote Originally Posted by jettison [Register to see the link]
    Although it's in some ways true, in reality it's kind of sad if someone is so protected from their feelings that they aren't allowed to show that they care. Usually, this is the little game that people play with each other, and in the end, no one ever wins.
    I agree. Whenever people in relationships think of them in terms of "who has more power and control" ultimately it spells an unhealthy relationship and an unhealthy mindset towards relationships. Relationships should not be about power and control, they should be about equality..EVEN if one person cares more.

  4. #4
    DropToZero
    Platinum Member DropToZero's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    1,628
    Gender
    Male
    Quote Originally Posted by anya85 [Register to see the link]
    How do you feel about this statement? Do you think it's true? Does the person in the relationship, be them male or female, who cares the least--do they have the most power and essentially control the relationship?
    It's true--but saddening, I went from one extreme of that to the other(weakest to strongest and not caring) in a matter of a year or so... and it's not something I recommend, it hurts people--and it's also empowering to not feel as much and feel protected--so it's hard to let go of once you get into it.

  5. #5
    thebluest
    Silver Member thebluest's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2008
    Location
    Australia
    Age
    30
    Posts
    423
    Gender
    Female
    Simply put, if you don't care about something, what happens to it doesn't have the capacity to affect your feelings. That inability to be affected by things that happen may make you feel like you have the upper hand in a relationship, but it also shields you from the ability to enjoy the happy things that occur in the relationship. If you don't care about it, then when it works well, you still don't care and can't enjoy it.

    A sad, sorry existence.

  6. #6
    lostandhurt
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    53
    Posts
    6,902
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    2514
    I think you will find if you care the least that your S/O will one day not care for you or the relationship.
    Relationships should not be about the upper hand, they should be an equal partnership. After all they are hard enough without that kind of crap.

    Lost

  7. #7
    SapphireNoir10
    Bronze Member SapphireNoir10's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2007
    Posts
    12,018
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    169
    Its true in that, if you don't care, you can't be hurt...therefore you have the power over the person who DOES care.

  8. #8
    Crazyaboutdogs
    Platinum Member Crazyaboutdogs's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Location
    Canada
    Age
    53
    Posts
    25,673
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    22
    Quote Originally Posted by lostandhurt [Register to see the link]
    I think you will find if you care the least that your S/O will one day not care for you or the relationship.
    Relationships should not be about the upper hand, they should be an equal partnership. After all they are hard enough without that kind of crap.

    Lost
    Exactly. Very well said. I have also seen plenty of posts on here where someone is heartbroken about losing their partner due to their own initial lack of caring. By the time they figured out that they do care, the partner was so fed up and couldn't care less anymore.

  9. #9
    mandellin
    Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Location
    middle of nowhere,arkansas
    Posts
    164
    Gender
    Female
    Sad but very true.

  10. #10
    itsallgrand
    Platinum Member itsallgrand's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Posts
    14,548
    Thanked
    1782
    Quote Originally Posted by anya85 [Register to see the link]
    How do you feel about this statement? Do you think it's true? Does the person in the relationship, be them male or female, who cares the least--do they have the most power and essentially control the relationship?
    I don't believe it because....we each have equal say over what we want to do all the time.

    So while I see some bits of truth in it, like how when you fall in love with someone this tendency to get drunk on hormones and start to make some dumb decisions even if they don't care about you the same way, I think at a deeper level neither has more control unless one person decides to hand over some to the other guy. And caring about someone doesn't necessarily mean doing that!

    I agree tho with the others who are saying that relationships take enough work without that crap, and it's not healthy or really helpful to think of things that way.

    What a perfect way to see if someone is capable and worth going more of the distance tho - - what kind of relationship can a person have with someone who would use something against the ones who care about them for their own advantage? Someone I wouldn't want to be with, that's who. I wouldn't even want to work with someone like that.

  11.  

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Top Threads
Friend's boyfriend wants to be part of a "swingers" group
You can see my original thread here: [url]https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=532663[/url] As an update, he IS part of swinger
Working on my insecurity; she's not always helping; please comment
Background: I'm divorcing, she's almost divorced, we've been exclusive for 5 months and living together for 1 month. (Don't particularly need
NOO!! I broke NC after 2 DAYS!!! HELP
Aw folks what do I do!!!! I caved in and bloody text her, I just felt that If she never knew I still loved her and that i wasnt moving on she
Was I that blind?
Hi All, 6 months ago I (25 y.o.) started dating a guy. (29 y.o.) We fell in love pretty fast. He was telling everyone he wants to marry me, was
Bf calling this girl "babe"
Hi all, It is me again with my insecurities. I went through my bf's phone to see his relationship with a newly divorced friend of his that he went
Advice: on telling people about my age gap relationship
Hey all, I am 20 years old and I have been dating a guy 27 years older then me for about a year now. We have told several close friends each
Move or Stay?
Iím at a strange point in my life. Iím 36. Been engaged before. I last lived in SoCal and have been traveling and living on the road for about 18

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Completely Confused? What does this mean?
Hi All- I was dating a guy for almost a year. We had a pretty great relationship- Things got serious. We told each other we loved each other. Even
Boyfriend told me he couldn't afford holiday, next day books one to Thailand
Basically my boyfriend of 6 months is $40k in debt (I'm debt-free). We had talked about going to Vietnam and he said he needed 6 months to save up
Not a regular here, I have a few questions...
I'll try to make this brief. Been in a relationship (23F) with a man (35) for 5 years. Typical in the beginning, though I always wondered how he
Weed or Me
Hi, I have been dating my boyfriend for a few months - he is 31 and I am 24. He has recently started smoking weed every night and I don't really
Is He Hiding from Me?
Hi All, Need some advice from those that are familiar with social media apps such as Instagram.. I'v been friends with this guy for about a
Red flag in friendship
I've been through a terrible first break up and was in a lot of pain. I was physically and mentally sick due to the stress of the break up but I'm
I broke hard NC after 7 months (B I G M I S T A K E)
No surprise, I'm absolutely devastated. She pretty much blew me off like I was a piece of trash. At first I was happy because she actually responded
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •