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Thread: I don't think I can do it anymore...

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    14
    My father lost his father when he was 17 with a brain stroke, her mother worked to sell milk that she taked from cows, they were 6 sons in total always fighting each other because there was no money.

    They started to invest in the future by studing and working at the same time.
    My father and one brother succeded to worked in a bank, one sister is a gym teacher, the other is a primary school teacher and so on.

    The fact of family is disfunctional doesn´t mean your life is not worth living. My fathers life is an example and he is happy about it altough he still have issues with his brothers.

  2. #12

    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    Posts
    70
    Gender
    Male
    Edit at 9:11. Our time is up.

  3. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    Posts
    4
    Well, nearly ten years later and I'm still alive somehow. If someone told me that a decade ago I'd have laughed in their face. I would've thought it was a miracle to make it to high school graduation, let alone to age 26. A few updates:

    1) My family is still horrific and distant, but I'm 26 (I was 16 when I wrote this) so it's somewhat easier to deal with. My brother who molested me has gotten a life sentence in prison for attempted murder of his ex-wife, among other charges.

    2) I have a few friends now at least.

    3) I'm still extremely poor and destitute which sucks even worse as an adult.

    4) Amusingly enough, the world has changed a lot in the 2010s regarding societal acceptance of homosexuality, so if anything being gay has transitioned from a curse into a blessing for multiple reasons which I won't elaborate on here.

    5) I'm still struggling with depression and suicidal thoughts. I had a full fledged suicide attempt for the first time back in July, barely failed, and woke up in the ICU a few days later. I was in septic shock with heart failure and respiratory failure but still managed to make a full recovery. The doctors all said it was a miracle I survived. "Lucky" me!

    Overall, life has been a mixed bag. There's been a lot of extremely horrific times full of nothing but hellish suffering where I wished I just did the deed years ago and spared myself the misery. I was/am very resentful toward the "it gets better" attitude when nothing in life is guaranteed. But I have had many good times as well. I've traveled to cool and interesting places and met some amazing people, including my soulmate from Texas who I met over the internet! I still remember when we first met in person and he was glistening in the scorching Texas heat. Fun times. Overall, I'd say I'm glad I lived as long as I did, but I still believe suicide can be a rational/logical choice, and back in July during my attempt I truly felt it was my best option. I haven't really deviated from that conclusion, but I'm putting my plans on hold at least on a short term basis for logistical reasons, and will do a re-evaluation later on.

    Anyway, I randomly remembered posting on this forum a decade ago and managed to find my old account (and even remembered my password somehow!) and I figure most suicidal people just drop off the face of the map within a few days, just as I did back then, and nobody ever really knows what happened to them or whether or not they lived or died. So I thought it'd be interesting and a change of pace to give a decade later update. And even if nobody cares, it was interesting to me at least. :)

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