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Thread: 15 yrs.. need help

  1. #1

    15 yrs.. need help

    im a 15 year old male and its recently come to my attention that i am abusing my girlfriend. We've been together for 3 years, more than usual coupled our age. we were together for about 6 months and then she left me for another guy, after that i took her back and two months later she cheated, i should have learned by then but i didnt and i took her back another time. Since then actually everythings been great (so i thought) for about 2 years now we've been going great, no cheating no nothing. for her 8th grade year (last year) she was homeschooled, i guess i got used to her not being around or talking to anyone but me, i was pretty much the only person in her life beside family. now this year she came back to public school for her freshman year and things are of course different. she broke up with me a couple weeks ago saying im abusive, and since then its been on and off. i looked at a lot of websites and by all of the symtoms i know that i emotionally abuse her. i always feel like i need to be in control,i constantly have to be talking to her, i get jealous when shes with her friends and make her feel like crap when she is, i accuse her of things, always assume shes lying.. because thats how i know her to do things, shes lied and cheated and im always afraid of it happening again. My point here is that i dont want to have to leave her, she wants us to be together she just wants the abuse to stop and i do as well. These websited are all help for the victim, is there any help for the abuser? i dont want to be with way, i dont want to treat her this way, i want the best for us as a couple and im willing to do anything to get that. what can i do to not feel this way and not do this to her???

  2. #2
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    Clearly, neither you nor her is ready for a relationship. That's honestly the "red flag", if you will, I picked up from reading this.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member yeawutever's Avatar
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    Both of you are just kids at 15.... way too early to even be thinking about love or jealousy issues. How about enjoying school and hang out with your friends.. you'll have all the time later on to be focusing on what you want in a relationship...

  4. #4
    Platinum Member tina-rocks's Avatar
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    alexp2433, you are so young still. Please don't think I am being patronizing as I would like to help you if I can.

    You clearly care for each other very deeply and love can come at any age. The thing I am worried about for you is that you have not emotionally totally evolved yet therefore being in such a serious relationship will be perhaps harder on you then some.

    What if you both took a little time off from each other.. This would give you the time to think about whether or not you can forgive her for her indiscretions. I say this because your post suggests you are still angry at her for hurting you, which is understandable but you have trust issues it seems and it is effecting your relationship.

    This break does not mean you will not be able to together again, just would give you the time to take control of your anger and emotions and realize if you could ever regain he trust you obviously once had for her.

    I do understand you are hurting and I hope my advice helps you somewhat.

    Christina

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  6. #5

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    You're both far too immature to be dating. Why were you dating at 12? Take some time to be a kid, work on your issues and maturity, then if you still like each other later, maybe try it again, but you are both DEFINITLY not ready for a relationship right now.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Moontiger's Avatar
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    IMO the healthiest thing for both you and you and this girl would be to take sometime away from each other. This will probably be difficult but if you truly want both you and her to have a happy and healthy life then it needs to be done. I would also suggest talking to someone about the issues you are having. Are there couselors at your school that you could talk to?


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