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Thread: "Because I'm a guy"

  1. #1
    Platinum Member JeckyllNHyde's Avatar
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    "Because I'm a guy"

    Is this ever a good excuse or reason for not doing things or showing someone you care?

    Lately if I bring something up to my bf like "you say you'll call but never do" that's his response.

    This is new to me and the relationship though he's been saying it more lately. And then things just go downhill from there.

    So IS this a good reason?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member ProtestTheHero's Avatar
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    I can understand using that phrase to opt out of using pet names or constantly being overly sentimental, but it shouldn't be used to get out of promises or obligations. So, if he says he's going to call then he should unless he has a good excuse (fell asleep after doing tons of work or something) or else he shouldn't say he'll call in the first place.

    Plus, it depends on how serious he is. If he doesn't think forgetting to call is a big deal (I probably wouldn't see it as a big deal unless I did it a few times and noticed frustration), then he might be using it as a joke.

    You should probably just bring it up.

  3. #3
    Silver Member jc123's Avatar
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    i think each partner should pull their weight in a relationship, especialy if they live together.
    i think if he isn't doing his fair share then you need to say that he needs to pull his finger out and do his bit.
    Last edited by jc123; 12-15-2009 at 04:20 PM.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member JeckyllNHyde's Avatar
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    Thanks for the responses. We don't live together btw, but have been dating 2 yrs.
    I tried bringing it up today (I'm sick.. VERY bad flu that had me on the bed for 24 hrs) and told him I was sorta waiting for his call.
    I always check in to see if he's ok and show I care. Then he accused me of trying to start problems and hung up. I dunno anymore.

    I'm ready to bail on this relationship if he feels guys have different standards then women when it comes to how you treat someone.

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  6. #5
    Member wendy torrance's Avatar
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    Tell him that him using his gender as an excuse is fine... and then you start doing it too.

    Okay, not really. Two wrongs don't make a right and all that.

    I think that is a terrible excuse. And if someone acted that way towards me, I'd be ready to bail too.

    Sorry this is happening. If you really love him and want to make it work you two need to have a serious talk.

  7. #6
    Super Moderator agent's Avatar
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    It's a good opt out if you think men are crap.


    It's a terrible excuse. I wonder how much he'd like it if you started pulling the "but I'm a girl" card.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member pinkrobot's Avatar
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    Haven't you ever studied genetics? The Y chromosome makes it impossible for a guy to call when he says he will.

    Gender has NOTHING to do with something like that. It's a poor excuse, and he's only giving it because he knows he has no justifiable excuse for not making good on his promises.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member JeckyllNHyde's Avatar
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    I do reallllly love him. Which is why this hurts so much.
    That's why I really just wanted you outsiders opinions. I don't know if I'm being a "girl" and overreacting.

    I wanted to just do what he's been doing and stop calling, stop being as attentive, but 1: I can't. And 2: 2 wrongs don't make a right.

    It's really small stuff (not calling when you say you will, not calling at all unless I do, showing affection and caring less then in the beginning, not tuning into me anymore when I ask for something and just ignoring, being less romantic)...

    I want to work it out but at the same time I want to stop hurting over small stuff like this- he doesn't seem to have a CLUE and if he did I feel like NOW he'd ignore my feelings. Maybe over the phone was a bad time to bring it up but since we won't be seeing each other these days (flu) I wanted to get it off my chest.


    When I brought it up he came up with this lame "I'm a guy... We don't keep calling". Wth? I've never seen that side of him. Or heard such bs.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    I think it is common but it shouldn't be. His age is showing for sure. If after 2 years of dating he doesn't show much in the way of deep love and concern I would be worried as well.
    I was not as bad as he is when I was younger (much younger) but I also kept a wall up emotionally so I wouldn't get hurt or to attached to anyone. If I only knew then what I know now.
    Empathy and understanding are not unique to just females although they certainly show it more. Many young men are raised to be tough and take care of the people around them. Unfortunately those teachings do not include how to be as supportive and caring as we should be towards the ones we love. Finding the balance is not easy. Men are always afraid of appearing weak if they show to much emotion.

    Before you "bail" sit down with him and let him know how you feel. If you think it will start a fight ( he will get defensive) then write him a hand written letter explaining your feelings and ask him to come to you and talk about it when he is ready.

    Lost

  11. #10
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    That is a really terrible excuse and a cop out. It seems like he doesn't even care if he's not pulling his weight and that's the best excuse he can come up with. Maybe he's a little too comfortable in the relationship? There are many many guys who can keep up their end of a relationship and show tons of affection, so we know it's not that!

    True, some men are different than others and it's harder for them, but I think from what you are saying he already proved he could do these things and now he is taking them away from you. That's really not fair.

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