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Thread: I have been pined as a cheater :(

  1. #1
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    I have been pined as a cheater :(

    I have been with my GF for almost 2 years now. Her last relationship ended badly after her 8 year BF cheated on her with her best friend. We have been so happy and in love. Everything blew up...just around exam time. When I was single, I had a profile on a singles site. After I told my GF I loved her and knew that we were going to be together for the long run, I went to remove my profile. Like lots of those sites, they make it impossible to just delete the profile. I got annoyed and just set my profile to invisible. I removed all my pictures, and set it to not allow any incomming messages etc. I am not interested in anyone but her. Somehow, one of her friends told her she saw my profile on the site. I dont know how they saw it, but she saw it and it freaked her out. I tried to explain, but she said "I have been down this road before and I dont like where its going". To top it off, a few months ago we were on my facebook when some girl I hardly know sends me a messages saying "hey hun". So she is adding that to the situation that is just making it hard on me... These two events are labelling me as a cheater in her eyes.

    I dont know what to do I obviously deleted the profile and the girl that sent me that message, but the damage has been done.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Scorpion Fury's Avatar
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    It's not your fault she got cheated on by her ex. Unless that profile showed you were active, she needs to chill out. You already explained situations to her, and I don't think you need to bend over backwards to prove you didn't cheat on her, when the "evidence" she has isn't exactly compelling.

    You don't need to explain yourself over and over again. You have already told her what the situation was. She needs to accept it and move on. If she can't, maybe she needs to work on herself a little before she tries to have another relationship.

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    ^ I agree. She wont ever trust you if a little hiccup like this made her "lose" trust.

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    She has to be responsible for seeing the reality of any situation, good or bad. If she can't, then it's probably better that you move on.

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  6. #5
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    You deleted the singles site profile?

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    yes I did delete the profile now. I understand what everyone is saying. I just really love this girl. We have talked about marriage and children etc... At the same time I want to help her with her trust issues. I know if I went through what she did, I would have some deep scars. I dont want to give up on her

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    [QUOTE=MarkD;3918696]yes I did delete the profile now. I understand what everyone is saying. I just really love this girl. We have talked about marriage and children etc... At the same time I want to help her with her trust issues. I know if I went through what she did, I would have some deep scars. I dont want to give up on her

    Of course you don't. But you can't WILL her into being okay because you love her. She has to take the steps to healing herself and seeing the situation now as different than her previous one.

    She has to do that, and nothing you do will do that for her.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member HealingHandsWarmHeart's Avatar
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    you can't help her with her trust issues... its up to her to help herself.

    You can't alter your life because someone was cheated on - its her issue to resolve not yours.

    It can become tiresome to constantly "prove" yourself and you shouldn't have to... YOU didn't do the cheating- someone else did...

    on the other hand... i don't blame her for worrying- i dont think i would break up with the person but i would definitely back off a little until i was sure there was nothing going on- i.e. if they were disappearing, strange phone calls.... more strange facebook messages.. etc... if nothing else came up i would assume the person was telling the truth and continue forward with them- if things continued to NOT add up - i would run for the hills.

    but YOU should not alter your life to "prove" yourself- please don't make that mistake these situations can get very hairy.

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    [QUOTE=MarkD;3918696]yes I did delete the profile now. I understand what everyone is saying. I just really love this girl. We have talked about marriage and children etc... At the same time I want to help her with her trust issues. I know if I went through what she did, I would have some deep scars. I dont want to give up on her

    Apparently most people do in their relatioships, doesnt seem to hold much weight when the * * * * hits the fan.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member tina-rocks's Avatar
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    I agree you can't force her to change just because you love her. Healing is something she needs to do for herself and if she is not ready or able then you either have to be patient or let her go.

    Christina

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