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Thread: "I need to find myself" - Possible truth or all lies?

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    "I need to find myself" - Possible truth or all lies?

    Hey guys, I just wanted to get a sense of how the community feels about this subject. I'm sure plenty of us on here have heard variations of "it's not you, it's me" and "I'm confused and need to find myself."

    I'm curious about your different experiences and if, in the end, you ever found out if it was the truth or just a bunch of bull.

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    Every time it was all BS. And even I have used that line before to get out of hurting her feelings. It's just one of those "let you down easy" lines.

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    Silver Member rigguy's Avatar
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    I agree with Theblueman "let you down easy" and making an excuse to get away from guilt especially if replacement is already lined up.

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    It may not necessarily be a lie... but the truth is that their feelings have changed. So even though it is you, they say that because they are being selfish and only thinking about themselves and their feelings.

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    Gold Member peanutbutterandjelly's Avatar
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    my ex told me that he "just needed to be by himself" and "didn't want to be with anyone else for a long time" and "needed to find out who he was" and "just wants to be alone" and "it's not you, it's me"

    10 days later he was sleeping with another girl. i have heard from mutual friends that he's planning on moving accross the country with her.

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    Platinum Member alli's Avatar
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    I once told an ex "It's not you, it's me". But really, it was DEFINITELY him. He was just too much, and I still can't believe he needed me to spell it out for him. SO dense. No really, you would have to get to know him. But if you did, you wouldn't be able to speak with males, you wouldn't be able to have friends that happened to be male, your clothing would have to be pre-approved by him, and you would need to keep your phone on hand at all times because if you didn't answer, he would call you another 17 times in a row. And on and on...

    I don't care what he thought as long as I got out in the end! He can blame it on me all he wants.

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    Platinum Member WomanWriter's Avatar
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    Ya, it's a lie. Mine said "People should become independently established before they settle down" and "I need to focus on getting myself healthy" and "I would marry you now if I could but I can't" and "I'll always love you, but don't have false hope."

    Now he's with another woman and it's serious. I asked him if he was leaving me for someone else and he said no at first. Then later he said "I don't want to hurt you."

    It's a lie. Who leaves a long time relationship to "find" themselves unless they don't love you?

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    Platinum Member BriarRose's Avatar
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    It means they met someone and want to see how things pan out before they dump you.

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    Originally Posted by milkandhoney
    my ex told me that he "just needed to be by himself" and "didn't want to be with anyone else for a long time" and "needed to find out who he was" and "just wants to be alone" and "it's not you, it's me"

    10 days later he was sleeping with another girl. i have heard from mutual friends that he's planning on moving accross the country with her.
    Tough. Sorry to hear, but this just confirms my theory that it's always a lie when one hears that line.

    My ex tells me he's not ready for a relationship, doesn't want one, just wants to be alone. The sad part? He's been dating someone for six months. He hasn't gone out with anyone else since they met, but I believe him, for the first time in years. He doesn't have the emotional capacity to deal with a woman in love - and he said they were "emotionally out of balance". I see a heartbreak coming into some woman's future. She has no idea how manipulative and deceitful he can be. He just wants a f-buddy and she has no clue. He still has an ad running on OKCupid (they met through Match). He checked it yesterday (I sign in under deep cover once a week or so and always pop over to see when he last logged in).

    She's going to hear this line soon or he'll just be "too busy" to go out and she'll wonder how she's going to get her make-up bag and waxing kit out of his bathroom and when it's going to stop hurting.
    Last edited by AutumnBorn; 12-04-2009 at 07:23 AM.

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    i think in most cases it's a cop out. however, i think in some cases it could be that the relationship was elevating to the next level - probably marriage or otherwise serious committment - and this person realized they weren't ready for that. a lot of the reasons people may not be ready are because they are not happy with themselves and as we know you can't be part of a relationship that is successful in the long run if you don't feel whole in yourself. so although i think in many cases this is just what people say to make themselves feel better and/or not put the pressure on the other person, as with anything i don't think you can completely generalize...though i do agree in many cases it's not true...

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