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What Should I do?


veronika

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When me and my boyfriend (let's call him John Smith) first started dating the first things he told me were that the only two things he couldn't stand about a person was if they cheated or if they lied to him.

He said the he would INSTANTLY break up with me if I was caught lying or cheating on him.

Obviously I had no problem with this because honesty and loyalty also play a big part in my idea of a relationship.

At first everything was perfect, he called me often, and we tried to get together every weekend, which was sometimes difficult. We spoke on the phone sometimes for a few hours every day.

Lately though I have been seeing him less often; He seems to always be in the hospital with his friends sick dad, or has "other problems" going on his life that he won't share with me yet. Also he is taking 8 courses in school so that is taking up a lot of his time as exams are here. He stopped calling me, I am usually the one to call him, although he does return my calls.

 

I mean, I love him a lot and I don't want to lose him, and when I bring up breaking up with him he says not to, that things will change soon, as soon as he's done school (December 15th) He will be seeing me more often.

 

I just have a feeling that he is lying to me about everything because I caught him lying to me once ;; when he went out with his "best friend" Jane Doe for her birthday(Who happens to be 100000000000 times more gorgeous then me & comes from the same cultural backround ) and told me that he was with his friend that night. Obviously I found out through the magic of FACEBOOK (When he was tagged in some photos from her party)

 

Obviously I confronted him and he apologized for lying saying that he didnt' tell me because he knew that I would react with jealousy and thinking that he was cheating on me with her, when all they really are are "best friends" for two years, he knows her family and they know his family type thing.

 

Recently he deleted me off his Facebook profile (which I thought was very strange) and when I asked him why he did that , he said he was closing his account and opening a new one where he would add only his closest friends.

 

However, JANE DOE is still on his Facebook, and not only that his name changed to John Doe Smith.

He told me that I am paranoid, that he is closing his account and that he can't believe I would break up with him over something as stupid as facebook.

 

Am I just being paranoid? Or should I break up with him? Should I try to rebuild the trust? Or just forget about it?

 

I love him a lot, but it just hurts me to be in the position where "I dont KNOW if he's lying to me or not."

 

Also, I dont know why he wouldn't just break up with me if he was cheating on me because I have nothing to offer him. I am living at a friends house because I recently got evicted; I have no money; I lost my job; Sex with me is mediocre;;\

SO why keep me around?

 

So I am getting mixed advice from my friends and I dont know what to do.

 

Please help; :sad:

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Unfortunately, he has a double standard:

He said the he would INSTANTLY break up with me if I was caught lying or cheating on him.

I caught him lying to me once ;; when he went out with his "best friend" Jane Doe for her birthday...Obviously I confronted him and he apologized for lying saying that he didnt' tell me because he knew that I would react with jealousy and thinking that he was cheating on me with her...

he deleted me off his Facebook profile..., JANE DOE is still on his Facebook, and not only that his name changed to John Doe Smith.

 

Maybe you should hold him to the same standards he is holding you. He lied to you, clearly, and is acting dishonest with the Facebook thing.

 

You are not being paranoid. Trust your gut feeling on this, even if it is painful in the short run. In the long run, it will help you to follow the life YOU need. Looks and money are externals, minor things really, and is your inner self that counts the most. Invest in that, by taking care of yourself in small and big ways.

 

Trusting your gut feeling is not easy... But our intuition is there to guide us, and we get better at understanding it the more we listen to it.

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He's a liar and you have very low self-esteem. Bad combination. Break up with him and get your life back on track so that you don't have to feel like you are less than adequate for the next guy you date.

 

When you break up with him and he says he can't believe you're breaking up over something as stupid as Facebook, be sure to tell him that you are actually breaking up because he is a liar.

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Recently he deleted me off his Facebook profile (which I thought was very strange) and when I asked him why he did that , he said he was closing his account and opening a new one where he would add only his closest friends.

 

However, JANE DOE is still on his Facebook, and not only that his name changed to John Doe Smith.

He told me that I am paranoid, that he is closing his account and that he can't believe I would break up with him over something as stupid as facebook.

unfortunately, facebook is part of a lot of peoples lives now and is often how we see and maintain social status and important in this case; how we define our relationships. If he isn't "in a relationship with..." and then your name, that's a bad sign. If he erased you completely, that is very strange. Tell him that if it's just a silly thing, to add you back and that it's important to you. That should be enough. If he won't, ask him to delete his profile like he claimed he would be.

 

As for the other stuff, I don't know..... you sound really down on yourself and I'm sure he would have picked up on that. If you tell someone you are with that you are not good for them, eventually they will believe it.

 

But overall, I don't think you're being paranoid.

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Why on earth would you give someone veto power over your choice to break up with him?

 

He doesn't need to agree with your reasons, in fact, you don't even need to offer him a reason. This isn't some court proceeding where you need 'proof' of anything--the guy treats you like crap and you feel bad instead of good about him.

 

That's a good enough reason to say buh-bYe.

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Recently he deleted me off his Facebook profile (which I thought was very strange) and when I asked him why he did that , he said he was closing his account and opening a new one where he would add only his closest friends.

 

So she is a good enough friend to be on facebook but you as his girlfriend is not?

 

That speaks volumes right there as to how he really views you.

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I don't know what I'm going to do. I want to break up with him at times, but at times when everything is so good, I am happy that I'm with him.

I just think that I can't get any better, and I'm scared to be alone. I just don't think that I'm good enough for another guy to want me.

I guess I'm very insecure. Guys like girls with pretty faces and nice bodies, and I keep thinking that I'm ugly and obese.

 

It kind of sucks.

So I don't want to let someone go who says he wants to be with me in the long run, even though his actions sometimes speak differently.

 

By the way;

In my past relationship I kept on accusing the guy that he was cheating on me, and eventually he couldn't take it and broke up with me. The truth is that he was actually very loyal to me and didn't cheat, but for some reason I thought he was.

 

Thats why I'm not sure if I'm seeing things that aren't there, or if I really shouldn't trust my new boyfriend.

Example: Some things that I thought he was lying about in the past ;; turns out they were the truth.

 

I guess because most of my previous ex boyfriends treated me worse then this man does. They would tell me that I'm not good enough, that I should go get plastic surgery and that they don't want to be with me in the future, that I should be happy they're at least banging me for now. I've had them bring girls over while I was there, and tell me that I should try to be more like those girls (all pretty and perfect). I got used to being treated like trash, but it still hurts .

 

I guess things said and done like that can do a lot to a girls self esteem and trust.

And thats why I'm not sure if I should trust my instincts (since they ruined my last relationship... for no reason) or if I should stick it out and see what happens.

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svngpvtry wrote wrote waah waah

 

lol get bent

 

lil Jean he does have a point. This IS the rants and raves section and nobody is forcing you to read or respond to posts.

 

 

 

But back on topic: I agree, there are a couple decent deals on items but NOTHING like I have seen in years past. At this point my BF shopping is going to be for some 2 dvds most of which I probably already own. I am a bit disappointed that there are not more things that I am salivating over right now. Who knows what can happen with secret items but I its looking like Im not spending the night anywhere.

 

What exactly are secret items?

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