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Thread: how long does it take to stop loving someone?

  1. #1
    shady_blue
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    how long does it take to stop loving someone?

    Its been just over 2 months since we broke up, and i have had a much better second month (with some really bad times mixed in) and at the moment I suppose I could say i am getting by the best i can. Yet whenever I see her, and I can't avoid that, i just feel this ache in my stomach. After everything thats happened between us since we broke up, what she's done and the arguments we have had, i still love her and i just want to not care.

    We are being civil to each other, not friends because we don't do stuff together, but i don't care about that anymore. She has moved on and i can't help feeling that she's moved on to a better life whereas i'm still trying to pick up the pieces and be happy again. That's probably a lack of self confidence. I've realised the bad things about her and bad things about me as well and probably we were definitely not right for each other but i know in my heart i'd take her back instantly.

    How will i know when i stop loving her and how long will it take? and what can i do to speed it up because all i want to do is be able to see her and not care.

  2. #2
    moondog627
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    Don't be too hard on yourself. Take this time to look back on the relationship and see the faults of both you and your ex. And, if you haven't already, try to forgive yourself and her for the things you both did wrong. As for how long it takes to stop loving someone, it's all relative. It's a long, slow, and gradual process. There will probably come a time when you don't think of her for days and you won't realize it till later. And when you're strong enough, healed enough, you'll meet someone else. At that point you may even find it hard to remember anything about this current ex, including her appearance. If that sounds bad, it isn't. For you'll never forget the feelings and emotions you two once shared. Only, when your heart has let go, it won't hurt so much to remember how those times felt.

  3. #3
    bigcream55
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    You could always write her a letter, but if she doesnt give you the response or closure you're looking for then you will be right back to square one.

    It all depends on what YOU are looking for?

  4. #4
    petnames
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    I still get all those feelings after 3 months. It should be our 18 month anniversary on Thanksgiving. I haven't accepted that we were not right for each other, however. I wish I could say I don't want to care, but that is not true for me yet, I am still afraid to not have feelings for her. I guess we just have resign ourselves to dealing with the pain until something snaps us out of it.

  5. #5
    shady_blue
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    In my weak moments i have texted her to say that i love her, and its not going away, and asking her why that doesnt mean anything to her. I've tried this, but all she says is 'maybe i'm not the person you should be talking to to get over this'. When i tell her about people she's pulled in front of me all she says is 'oh, i pulled someone? who? i can't remember, thats interesting'. No apology for hurting my feelings, nothing. She's a nice girl but she decided she'd had enough of me and that's that. There's nothing I can do.

    Im starting to think about her less. Sometimes it hits me again and I just think back to the summer and all the time we spent talking about how we can't wait to get back to uni and see each other again. I think about my birthday card that was a month before we broke up, saying 'I can't wait for another year with you' etc. But it's gone, thats it. Yeah, its gonna hurt when i see her getting drunk and pulling ppl, but that's life isn't it. It is getting easier. Maybe one day she will realise that i was really good to her. She won't, but i can always hope.

  6. #6
    muffinhead
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    As much as you want to, don't do anything to try and speed it up or numb the pain. Going through the pain is how you learn and grow from your experiences. I know it's tough, I've been there before. You know what I learned, no matter how much it hurts, somehow you always make it out alive. Then, when you least expect it, someone new comes along. If you took your time and really learned from the previous experiences, as you should, chances are you'll be able to apply it all to the new relationship.

    Feeling sad is part of the grieving process. It's your bodies way of healing, so don't try to speed up that process. One thing's for sure, you'll come out stronger!

    Live in the moment and take it one day at a time - I wish you all the best!

  7. #7
    muffinhead
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    Quote Originally Posted by moondog627 [Register to see the link]
    Don't be too hard on yourself. Take this time to look back on the relationship and see the faults of both you and your ex. And, if you haven't already, try to forgive yourself and her for the things you both did wrong. As for how long it takes to stop loving someone, it's all relative. It's a long, slow, and gradual process. There will probably come a time when you don't think of her for days and you won't realize it till later. And when you're strong enough, healed enough, you'll meet someone else. At that point you may even find it hard to remember anything about this current ex, including her appearance. If that sounds bad, it isn't. For you'll never forget the feelings and emotions you two once shared. Only, when your heart has let go, it won't hurt so much to remember how those times felt.
    I couldn't agree more! Very well said!

  8. #8
    arsenic_n_lace
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    Like others have said it's different for everyone. In my own experience, i was with my bf for 3 years and we've been broken up for 8 months and one day, probably around the 6 or 7 month mark i realized that i didn't miss him anymore. And I also realized a little while after that that i was no longer in love with him.

    I'm not fooling myself though i know that i still love him and maybe a part of me always will but i'm no longer in love with him and i don't get that "pang" feeling in my stomach when i see him anymore. I don't cry when i see pictures of him on facebook and i feel nothing when i see pictures of him and his gf.

    He's done some pretty crappy things to me and treated me like i was nothing and didn't matter at all but even so, i can honestly say that i just want him to be happy and that's what i want for myself too. And being able to say that is such a big step and i know that i've come a long way and that feels really great. And you'll get there soon, it just takes time which I know really sucks sometimes but it's the truth.

  9. #9
    OptomisticGirl
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    I have been wondering this myself.

    Today is the 1 month mark of our break up and we were together for 4 years. Lived 2 of those together. I remember how it was the last major break up we had during his basic training and how I felt months afterward, granted we wrote each other every day while he was gone.

    I just wish it was 6 months from now. I now you have to go through the stages and feel and all that but I don't. I just want it to be over. Being in love hurts too much.

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