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Thread: Seriously - how do you know if you're attractive or not?

  1. #1
    chelsea13
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    Seriously - how do you know if you're attractive or not?

    Ok here's the thing, yes, I am extremely self conscious! I think I'm attractive but a lot of times I doubt myself! (And please don't ask me to post my photo cos I can't, sorry).

    Anyway, back to the real business. I just had dinner with a friend and we were discussing why we are still single and people can get boyfriends so easily. And then she said something that struck me, "maybe it's cos we're not ugly, but not exactly attractive either, we're stuck in between". Well her advice doesn't matter, it's the comment that struck me. It's not that I think I'm a drop dead gorgeous girl, but I thought I'm quite pretty so hence, rather attractive. But she just shoved me into the 'average' category.

    And then I think back at the times I've gotten compliments, they're usually from people I don't really know of. Some of them will give me bizarre compliments like I look like a tv star, or that I have the face of an angel, or tell me that I'm pretty etc. I don't get it many times but I get them, occasionally.

    But then my friends never said so about me though. For example, my friend would say something like "I never known anyone who has good grades and is pretty" (I am a 4.0 student), or the other would say things like "well we will never be in his list cos we don't fit the bill" (this is when I mentioned a professor in my uni who gives out high grades to pretty girls).

    So, I don't know what to believe. I am plain to my friends.. but to some people I'm really pretty? The thing is, I have an illusion that pretty girls get chased and hit on all the time but that never happened to me, I've only ever had one boyfriend. But there's always some random guy at school staring at me, or someone on the train looking at me (not always, but I'd say sometimes).

    So how do you know if you're attractive or not? On the basis of the compliments from other people? Or what? Cos I am really self conscious!

  2. #2
    Mavh25
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    Course you're going to be more attractive to some people than others.

    I have friends who are universally gorgoeus girls yet they don't get hit on constantly its really not down to that. I'm an average looking girl, its not so bad to be "stuck in between" don't make it out to be worse than it is. Your friend sounds like she shoved you in that category with her because she does'nt wanna be alone in it.

    It is true we are our own worst critics, if you find yourself attractive despite anything else, without being a megabiatch about it, thats attractive in itself.

  3. #3
    LightbulbSun

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    I think the same can apply to men. I think I'm average looking (I'm certainly not ugly), and I've learned that girls tend to not chase the average looking guys.

    Then again, there's that occasional flicker of interest that shows me that I'm wrong, but it happens so rarely that I don't know if it's a universal truth.

  4. #4
    petite
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    You will never be the most gorgeous girl to every person. Some might think of you as average, some stunning, some weird and the list goes on.

    I personally don't care if my friends think of me as average or the best looking girl ever, makes no difference. I know what I am worth as a person, looks and personality wise.

    Be confident in your self, and just because men don't fall at your feet does not mean you're not good looking. People have different tastes.

  5. #5
    hers
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    If this is the same friend making all these comments, my first instinct about all this is to say that she is extremely down on herself and sort of feels the need to bring everyone else down to, maybe as a way not to feel so alone in her feelings.

    Attractive always will be subjective. Always. It will always be something that one person can call another and someone else may disagree.

    What matters is how you see yourself and not letting your self-worth be determined by how others see you.

    I'm average in looks but I love myself. I feel pretty a lot of the time, whether it's b/c of how my hair falls or the skirt I'm wearing or even the color I'm wearing on my toes. It's all how you feel about yourself that makes you attractive.

  6. #6
    sweetdslollipop
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    Put up a picture on an online dating website.
    Wait 5 minutes, maybe 10 minutes,...if you don't receive a million profile views and 50-11 messages in that time period, then...well, you know...

    Don't worry. It's what on the inside that counts anyway.

  7. #7
    shes2smart
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    Attraction is highly subjective and can vary widely from one person to the next. My husband thinks I'm the hottest woman on the planet...a lot of men (perhaps even a majority of men) would disagree with him. You know what? My husband AND the naysayers are all correct in their assessment, and as long as none of them are rude, impolite or intentionally cruel to me, their individual assessments only affect me if I allow them to.

    Is your friend bisexual or gay? Because, frankly, if she doesn't like girls, she's not in any position to rate a girl's sexual attractiveness. She can't really measure that for someone else, and since she has no interest in that way herself.... Do you see what I'm getting at? Oh, she can "guess" that a certain guy might like this or that...but that's all it is -- a guess. The only authority on what a person finds attractive is that specifc person him- or herself

    I'm really starting to dislike how people use the "attractiveness" topic to do one of 2 things:

    1. Bash other people for being "shallow" because they like and are attracted to whatever they like and are attracted to.

    2. Bash themselves for somehow failing to live up to a somewhat vague and unrealistic standard.

    None of us is going to be attractive to EVERYONE. That's just fact. It's not even a realistic goal to be attractive to a majority of people you encounter because every last single one of them will have different things they like.

    As for people having preferences and attraction to traits that you don't happen to have....as long as they're not rude or impolite or intentionally cruel to you about it, their judgement doesn't have to make one bit of difference to you.

    When I was single, there were men who thought I was "too fat" to be datable. It took me a long time to figure out they had every right to have that preference. They didn't have to date me and there was no need for me to take that rejection personally. However, they do not have the right to call me a "fat cow" and be cruel to me, and when that line gets crossed, I'm well within my boundary to call them on it. In the same vein, I do not have the right to call them "shallow" and treat them poorly for their preference, either.

    People like what they like. It's not your job to talk them out of that or try to live up to their standards.

    But I think we could all stand to be a little kinder in the way we treat those who don't carbonate our hormones.

  8. #8
    joseph_mack
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    Shestosmart, I second everything that you just said.

    And you're not to smart, you are so wize. (:


    Bye


    Joseph.

  9. #9
    chelsea13
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    I understand, but somehow im so conscious about how my looks are reflected to other people. I know that beauty is subjective, and that as long as i find myself attractive then that's fine, but deep down, i still cant let it go. I still feel bad when I hear comments from my friends like that. I know it's totally pathetic and I'm wasting my life worrying about things like that.

  10. #10
    shes2smart
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    Quote Originally Posted by joseph_mack [Register to see the link]
    And you're not to smart, you are so wize.
    smart ass, wise ass...it's pretty much the same, and it applies.

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