Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 4 of 4

Thread: What does it mean when a guy says "Keep Your Options Open"? In a Commited Relationship

  1. #1
    thatdoggirl
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Posts
    125

    What does it mean when a guy says "Keep Your Options Open"? In a Commited Relationship

    So lately things haven't been going well in my relationship. Things were going great for a while. Guess it's that whole "honeymoon" theory. We're now a little over 5 months into the relationship and just the other day we almost broke up because I was dumping him. There was a bunch of drama and it wasn't handled well and then after a few hours we ended up deciding to stay together and work things out.

    I kind of feel like I've dug myself in a hole. Thing is, I don't know if I want out or not and I think he feels the same. It's not really a good way to look at things and I want to take a positive outlook on things and look forward to making each other happy but it's hard when there is such negativity.

    I know that he has been very commited the whole time we've been together. He's never given me a reason to believe otherwise. I trust him that he wouldn't cheat. It's just what he said last night weird's me out a bit.

    He told me how I'm still young (since I'm almost 22 and he's almost 30)... he thinks there is a big difference with us because of ages but in reality we're probably on the exact same maturaty level as each other. We have different areas that we are smarter and wise in ofcourse, but he always assumes that I'm so young and haven't had enough experience.. blah blah blah. I'm sorry but age doesn't determine everything. I'm A LOT wiser and more mature then any 21 year old I know.

    Anywho, he was saying how I was young and how I haven't dated many guys and that I should keep my options open incase a guy comes along in the future. That I need to explore and stuff like that. I asked him why he would say that if we're in a relationship and that it sounded to me like he wasn't really planning on our relationship lasting. He says he doesn't think that and that he wants the relationship to work but he wanted to see how I felt and stuff. Incase things don't work out he's got a friend that he can live with too. I know that if things weren't to work out he should know if he has a place to stay since the apartment is in my name and he's friends and family aren't very welcoming and helpful but that's not all his family's fault... partly his own fault. So I guess I can see why it's okay to know that he has a place to go but it seems like he is overthinking negative options of the relationship.

    Either he's insecure about how I feel or about himself or he's looking for an easy way out and just sticking in the relationship til I grow so unhappy that I find someone else and that he figures he's doing me some sort of favor.... or something else. I have no clue.

    I wanted to post here to get perspective from other men but women are welcome to put in there 2 cents too. What does it mean when a man in a commited relationship tells you to keep your option open?... as well as expressing that he has no desire to look outside the relationship and that if things weren't to work out.. after me... he'd stay single.

    I'm really kind of confused right now. If we're in a relationship I want us to work together and not think about the negatives because that just sets things up for failure.

  2. #2
    hexaemeron

    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    BLAM!
    Age
    36
    Posts
    6,083
    Gender
    Male
    Thanked
    1
    Okay, even though you're "the most mature and experienced 21 year old you know", what he's saying really makes a lot of sense if you take it in the right context. Young people with little experience can become extremely fickle when they realize they have little experience. He's telling you that if you get to that point and you WANT to explore, that you have his blessing to do so, that's all.

    You should be glad you're dating someone who understands where you are in your life and is open to it.

  3. #3
    Kaiser_Soze
    Gold Member Kaiser_Soze's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    38
    Posts
    761
    Thanked
    27
    It sounds to me like he really cares for you but is becoming aware and accepting that it probably won't work out. I think he wants you to be happy and probably feels like one or both of you have a greater potential for happiness apart.

  4. #4
    nutbrownhare
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    May 2008
    Posts
    5,461
    Thanked
    285
    If I've read your post right ... you were on the point of dumping him the other night ... then last night he told you to keep your options open. Actually, this sounds wise on his part.

    You may well be a very mature, wise 21 year old. However, there really is no substitute for life experience - this is in no way any reflection on you or your level of maturity - but you will find that your perspective changes as you get older. (At least, ideally it does!). At five months into the relationship you are only just discovering who your partner really is, and vice-versa. And it sounds as though you're already living together? This is moving very, very fast IMHO!

    If he's telling you to keep your options open, and letting you know that he has options as well, and he doesn't want to end the relationship - it just sounds as though he's leaving you plenty of space to make your own decisions with no pressure from him. The fact that he's said he'd stay single if things didn't work out suggests his emotional commitment to you is beyond question. Actually, this sounds a very caring thing to do - especially if you were on the verge of dumping him!

    My advice to you is to relax, enjoy the positive aspects of the relationship as much as possible, get to know him rather than getting upset if he doesn't handle things in the way you'd like - and really, really don't over-analyse!

Top Threads
My Boyfriend the nude exhibitionist
A few days ago I returned home from work around 7:30 AM. I walked into the apartment that I share with my Boyfriend, as we had had a disagreement the
Unhealthy amounts of stress over my boyfriend's family.
I love my boyfriend to death. He is clean cut, a hard worker- both in school and in his job (just a server since he can't get a decent job while in
found old pictures of my bf and his ex engaging in sexual acts
Hello everyone, So yesterday my bf of 3 years gave me his email and password so I could open an email sent to him about a house he wanted me to
Terrible feeling GF might be using heroin
This is very hard for me to talk about especially since I've never dealt with anything like that before. I've been with my GF for 7 months now
RELIGION and CULTURAL differences-Filipino Catholic Woman dating Persian Jew Man
Hi everyone, thank you in advance for your advice. I am a Filipina Catholic dating Persian Jew. We have been dating for almost 4 months now, not
My boyfriend is not talking to me BUT did not break up with me?
My BF and I had a fight on Friday evening because he knew I was upset and didn't want to talk about it BUt he made me tell him. I said that I am
I don't know if I'm the problem; anger, name-calling, depression - the works
Hi everyone, Sorry in advance, this is going to be a bit (really) long :dispirited:. Me and my boyfriend have been together for just over a year

Featured Threads
Controlling or very opinionated?
Hi, my name is Michael. I came here for some advice on my girlfriend and I's relationship. I am 17 and she is 16 and we've been dating for just shy
Women who prefer/only date younger men
I am dating a woman who is 9 years older than me. However, going after younger guys doesn't appear to be her pattern. In fact, the age difference
Still feels like the first day...
Long long story short.. I'll Coles notes it. I meet the love of my life at a gig I was playing, we ended up not spending a single night apart for
My partner and I have different goals, values, and thinking, should we continue?
My partner and I met a couple years ago when she moved to the city I lived in. We had shared a group of friends but never really knew each other
I'm hurt and not sure what to do ...
So ,this is my first time posting here ,but My mother always said it helps to write things down .So here it goes ! ^^ For a couple of weeks now
Who Am I and What do I Want?
Hi everyone, and thanks for reading this. At the moment I feel like I am having some sort of identity crisis, whilst not knowing what I want for
Is it wrong that I still talk to my ex boyfriend?
My ex boyfriend dumped me last week because he was pressuring me to have sex and I wasn't ready to have sex and he keeps calling and texting me every
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •