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Thread: How do I stop being so guarded? Please?

  1. #1
    Member PoopyBear's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Brisbane, Australia.

    How do I stop being so guarded? Please?

    Hey People,

    I have had relationships in the past, some good, some not so good. I've been married, divorced, gotten close to another to wind up being hurt. Had my heart broken too many times and sometimes feel it's easier to be alone. The last attempt at a relationship ended when he hit me because he was angry at something else. I dont blame myself for his actions.

    I loved this one guy so much that when he called it quits (after five years) I felt like I was going to die. I went from 62kgs to 54kgs in the matter of weeks and couldnt stop crying, Id walk my kids to school crying my heart out, it was a really horrible time in my life.

    I guard my heart and who I am, I'm only realising I have done this for many years. Is it because of this guym this hurt? Now if I meet someone I really like, I try to relax but I just cant seem to be myself. I fear that if I relax I will "fall" for them or maybe show them something they wont like and they will leave again. So instead, I dont show who I am and they leave anyway.

    My reason for writing this tonight - I am meeting up with a guy I really liked a few years back but I was so scared of relationships that I ran away and stopped contacting him. He kept in touch via email and last week he wrote to tell me he changed his job (he now works quite close to my house) gave me his new email addy, new mobile number, asked if we could meet for lunch and at the end wrote: Talk soon???

    Anyway, I dont want my guard to jump up if this is a second chance with this guy.

    Does anyone know how I stop this from happening? Please?

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Oh I really feel for you hunny. It is so hard, difficult, sometimes feels impossible to let your guard down after being so hurt.

    We adopt coping mechanisms and put guards up that stop us being ourselves. But also being on guard is so very stressful and uses up a lot of our energy and stop us from relaxing and enjoying.

    I totally understand you and I also totally understand how nervous you must be feeling about meeting up with this guy again....

    Does this guy know anything of your past?

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    fellow brisbanite hi!

    Its no wonder you are trying to protect yourself. But really the only thing you can do with this guy is to just take one day at a time, and just don't get to emotionally invested too soon , and the only way you can do that is by not thinking too much about where things are leading or going.

  4. #4
    mad rabbits
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    It's okay to be guarded. The key is to let the right person in, and sometimes, you need to be guarded for a while and just be comfortable with yourself, to know who they are.

  5. #5
    Member PoopyBear's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Brisbane, Australia.
    Thank you all so much for your responses. Since I posted that thread the abusive guy has started harassing me again so I am unsure of whether to meet up with this guy because of the stress.

    I just found out he (the abusive guy) contacted my sons friend and asked him whether we (my kids and I) went to the movies on Saturday night. I have an AVO against this person but am afraid to utilize it because I am unsure what this abusive guy might do afterwards. He has already caused so much pain and damage in my life which I posted about in here.

    I think I might just leave my lunch date until after this has died down, although right now I'm not sure if and when thats gonna happen.

    Its all too much to handle!


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