Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: How do I stop being so guarded? Please?

  1. #1
    PoopyBear
    Member PoopyBear's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Brisbane, Australia.
    Posts
    193
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1

    How do I stop being so guarded? Please?

    Hey People,

    I have had relationships in the past, some good, some not so good. I've been married, divorced, gotten close to another to wind up being hurt. Had my heart broken too many times and sometimes feel it's easier to be alone. The last attempt at a relationship ended when he hit me because he was angry at something else. I dont blame myself for his actions.


    I loved this one guy so much that when he called it quits (after five years) I felt like I was going to die. I went from 62kgs to 54kgs in the matter of weeks and couldnt stop crying, Id walk my kids to school crying my heart out, it was a really horrible time in my life.

    I guard my heart and who I am, I'm only realising I have done this for many years. Is it because of this guym this hurt? Now if I meet someone I really like, I try to relax but I just cant seem to be myself. I fear that if I relax I will "fall" for them or maybe show them something they wont like and they will leave again. So instead, I dont show who I am and they leave anyway.

    My reason for writing this tonight - I am meeting up with a guy I really liked a few years back but I was so scared of relationships that I ran away and stopped contacting him. He kept in touch via email and last week he wrote to tell me he changed his job (he now works quite close to my house) gave me his new email addy, new mobile number, asked if we could meet for lunch and at the end wrote: Talk soon???

    Anyway, I dont want my guard to jump up if this is a second chance with this guy.

    Does anyone know how I stop this from happening? Please?

  2. #2
    mca1975

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Location
    London
    Posts
    3,114
    Gender
    Female
    Oh I really feel for you hunny. It is so hard, difficult, sometimes feels impossible to let your guard down after being so hurt.

    We adopt coping mechanisms and put guards up that stop us being ourselves. But also being on guard is so very stressful and uses up a lot of our energy and stop us from relaxing and enjoying.

    I totally understand you and I also totally understand how nervous you must be feeling about meeting up with this guy again....

    Does this guy know anything of your past?

  3. #3
    orangetemple

    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    337
    fellow brisbanite hi!

    Its no wonder you are trying to protect yourself. But really the only thing you can do with this guy is to just take one day at a time, and just don't get to emotionally invested too soon , and the only way you can do that is by not thinking too much about where things are leading or going.

  4. #4
    mad rabbits
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    Posts
    955
    Thanked
    1
    It's okay to be guarded. The key is to let the right person in, and sometimes, you need to be guarded for a while and just be comfortable with yourself, to know who they are.

  5. #5
    PoopyBear
    Member PoopyBear's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Brisbane, Australia.
    Posts
    193
    Gender
    Female
    Thanked
    1
    Thank you all so much for your responses. Since I posted that thread the abusive guy has started harassing me again so I am unsure of whether to meet up with this guy because of the stress.

    I just found out he (the abusive guy) contacted my sons friend and asked him whether we (my kids and I) went to the movies on Saturday night. I have an AVO against this person but am afraid to utilize it because I am unsure what this abusive guy might do afterwards. He has already caused so much pain and damage in my life which I posted about in here.

    I think I might just leave my lunch date until after this has died down, although right now I'm not sure if and when thats gonna happen.

    Its all too much to handle!

  6.  

Top Threads
Forbidden love. He is Muslim, I am not. Never hurt like this
I don't want to go into too much detail but I met someone (lets call him John) a while back now (he is Muslim-this is important). It was all very
How to cope in the modern era
Act "as if" everything is great, all the time. Never admit weakness, fear or failure. Never express negative emotions, act extremely happy and
I Feel Rejected
I haven't felt a pain this extreme in so long. It all started with this guy I fell for pretty hard. He was basically what I imagine my dream man to
Have you ever been disgusted by an obese person?
Ok so this is going to come of way wrong but I honestly am not sure how to reconcile how I feel in this situation. Let me start by saying I am
That guy... Part 3
It's the Holiday season. A time when that guy doesn't even want to leave the house. He wishes that he had some kind of surgery to put him out of
What is going on with me?
Soo, I catfished someone in my past a few years ago. I was being young and naive. It honestly all started because at the time some guy I was talking
Don't know how to handle this
Disclaimer: I love this girl, and I truly want to help her So I'm dating this girl, We get on great and there's a definite spark. I know she's

Expert Advice
Featured Threads
Tired of Being His Provider??
Okay so I found this site through Google. This seems like a pretty common topic and I suppose I just need to vent. My husband has been unemployed
Beautiful women who works at lush...
So there is this a girl who works at this place. I've been in there twice now and she is a stunner. Its one of those girls who you have to look twice
Being left for another man by my ex girlfriend
My and my ex gf broke up 7 months ago back in late April. We had bad fights and she stated she was unhappy. She then proceeded to have an active
Wondering?
Ok, I posted before about my situation but I would like to further talk. This woman I became involved with 3 years ago TOLD me she had feelings for
Break up Advice Needed
Hi all, I really need some advice on my recent break up with my girlfriend of almost five years. A few months ago I started to feel unhappy and
She's getting ready for marriage. She thinks that it is what I want. My fault.
So, I am pretty much in a difficult situation. I have been with a girl for the past 4 years. In these 4 years, after a while I realized she really
Venting - Advice...?
Hello, Im a 36 year old male, married with 3 kids. My wife and I are pretty much like roommates. There is zero sex life and its from both ends
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •