Ask For Advice
Results 1 to 5 of 5

Thread: How do I stop being so guarded? Please?

  1. #1
    Member PoopyBear's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Brisbane, Australia.

    How do I stop being so guarded? Please?

    Hey People,

    I have had relationships in the past, some good, some not so good. I've been married, divorced, gotten close to another to wind up being hurt. Had my heart broken too many times and sometimes feel it's easier to be alone. The last attempt at a relationship ended when he hit me because he was angry at something else. I dont blame myself for his actions.

    I loved this one guy so much that when he called it quits (after five years) I felt like I was going to die. I went from 62kgs to 54kgs in the matter of weeks and couldnt stop crying, Id walk my kids to school crying my heart out, it was a really horrible time in my life.

    I guard my heart and who I am, I'm only realising I have done this for many years. Is it because of this guym this hurt? Now if I meet someone I really like, I try to relax but I just cant seem to be myself. I fear that if I relax I will "fall" for them or maybe show them something they wont like and they will leave again. So instead, I dont show who I am and they leave anyway.

    My reason for writing this tonight - I am meeting up with a guy I really liked a few years back but I was so scared of relationships that I ran away and stopped contacting him. He kept in touch via email and last week he wrote to tell me he changed his job (he now works quite close to my house) gave me his new email addy, new mobile number, asked if we could meet for lunch and at the end wrote: Talk soon???

    Anyway, I dont want my guard to jump up if this is a second chance with this guy.

    Does anyone know how I stop this from happening? Please?

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Feb 2007
    Oh I really feel for you hunny. It is so hard, difficult, sometimes feels impossible to let your guard down after being so hurt.

    We adopt coping mechanisms and put guards up that stop us being ourselves. But also being on guard is so very stressful and uses up a lot of our energy and stop us from relaxing and enjoying.

    I totally understand you and I also totally understand how nervous you must be feeling about meeting up with this guy again....

    Does this guy know anything of your past?

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    fellow brisbanite hi!

    Its no wonder you are trying to protect yourself. But really the only thing you can do with this guy is to just take one day at a time, and just don't get to emotionally invested too soon , and the only way you can do that is by not thinking too much about where things are leading or going.

  4. #4
    mad rabbits
    Gold Member
    Join Date
    May 2009
    It's okay to be guarded. The key is to let the right person in, and sometimes, you need to be guarded for a while and just be comfortable with yourself, to know who they are.

  5. #5
    Member PoopyBear's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2007
    Brisbane, Australia.
    Thank you all so much for your responses. Since I posted that thread the abusive guy has started harassing me again so I am unsure of whether to meet up with this guy because of the stress.

    I just found out he (the abusive guy) contacted my sons friend and asked him whether we (my kids and I) went to the movies on Saturday night. I have an AVO against this person but am afraid to utilize it because I am unsure what this abusive guy might do afterwards. He has already caused so much pain and damage in my life which I posted about in here.

    I think I might just leave my lunch date until after this has died down, although right now I'm not sure if and when thats gonna happen.

    Its all too much to handle!


Top Threads
My lifes a mess
I dont really know where to start. For ages now my relationship with my mother has been strained. Ive been living with her and its not been a
Stretched to thin
I understand that life has its challenges and stress is a normal thing to experience. I have over stretched myself and neglected proper self care
How do I open up to my therapist about transference?
So Iíve been in therapy for about two months now and Iím experiencing very strong feelings of transference. I see my T as a father figure and I think
I get jealous when my friend flirts with other guys
What will I do?, Will I confessed my feelings to her or should I remain as her friend?
I know this is wrong but...
I'm a 16 year old lesbian and I want to be in a relationship with a 30+ year old. Its difficult because im well aware that it is both dangerous and
Confused and heartbroken
So a few months ago me and my husband seperated and I moved I live wit a rlly cool and sexy girl well anyways he came down because we got back

Featured Threads
Moving in together with my almost one year boyfriend but one big issue
Dear All, I haven't been back here for a while now. I have decided to post here instead than in the "pets" section, because I didn't want to
Back from the holidays: waiting for him to contact me
I am back form my holidays. I went away three weeks. We had two great dates before I went away. During the holidays we texted a few times, the
Should I do it?
Maybe itís because Iím such a nostalgic person, Itís going to be a full year since our breakup las January. I still think about her every f*cking day
He chose his lodgers side so I broke up with him but still love him
I just broke up with my boyfriend of one year because 4 months ago he let a friend move into his house with him she asked him ,and in turn he asked
Feeling unsure after 4 years and before marriage
Me and my fiancť are together for 4 years now, both in our mid 30s, had an engagement not long ago. We live in [B]MY [/B] apartment. I feel
Broke up with gf
So back story 4 months into the relationship. She knows about while she hasn't met my friends she knows of them. I know not much about her past. I
Girlfriend having abortion and says she needs time to herself. What do I do?
Hello, this is my first post in this forum and I am struggling and need a lot of help. 2 weeks ago my girlfriend found out she was pregnant, we are
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts