I have had relationships in the past, some good, some not so good. I've been married, divorced, gotten close to another to wind up being hurt. Had my heart broken too many times and sometimes feel it's easier to be alone. The last attempt at a relationship ended when he hit me because he was angry at something else. I dont blame myself for his actions.
I loved this one guy so much that when he called it quits (after five years) I felt like I was going to die. I went from 62kgs to 54kgs in the matter of weeks and couldnt stop crying, Id walk my kids to school crying my heart out, it was a really horrible time in my life.
I guard my heart and who I am, I'm only realising I have done this for many years. Is it because of this guym this hurt? Now if I meet someone I really like, I try to relax but I just cant seem to be myself. I fear that if I relax I will "fall" for them or maybe show them something they wont like and they will leave again. So instead, I dont show who I am and they leave anyway.
My reason for writing this tonight - I am meeting up with a guy I really liked a few years back but I was so scared of relationships that I ran away and stopped contacting him. He kept in touch via email and last week he wrote to tell me he changed his job (he now works quite close to my house) gave me his new email addy, new mobile number, asked if we could meet for lunch and at the end wrote: Talk soon???
Anyway, I dont want my guard to jump up if this is a second chance with this guy.
Does anyone know how I stop this from happening? Please?