Feeling like you're not good enough for good looking girls

This is tied into my "Feeling like I'll never fall in love" thread. Every time an attractive girl (that I'm interested in) has been interested in me, I've always backed off because I feel like I'm not good looking enough for her. I feel like there are so many other men who would be better suited for her, since they're good looking, too.

In response to this, I hate myself, because I know there had to have been something that made her attracted to me in the first place, so I am good enough for her. But this revelation always comes later, once she's given up on me as a lost cause, and I've entered the friend zone or been dropped.

What is this, a self fulfilling prophecy? I don't feel like I'm good enough, so she senses that I feel this way, and it makes me not good enough? How can I get around this?

The last time was a year ago. I had this hot Asian girl interested in me, and I weighed 280 pounds or close to it (without having any muscle, I've since lost some weight.) I didn't understand why this hottie was crushing on me. And as a response, I acted awkward because I felt it wouldn't last, and she ended up seeing someone else.

For example, my dream girl is someone who looks like Christina Aguilera. I don't think I have the looks for someone like that, but strangely enough, I had a girl who looked like Christina who had a crush on me. But whenever I get on dating sites, I avoid the good looking girls and look at the girls I would never be attracted to, because I feel like that's all I deserve.

How do I get around this, and actually date someone who I want to date, instead of running away like a scared little boy?

If they like you/show interest. They like YOU for you, they dont want anyone else, I think you may have low self esteem, you just have to remember everyone is good looking in their own ways, one girls johnny depp is anothers...well non good looking guy,

I guess so. I worked at a deli once, and a teenage girl and her mom came up to the counter. When I said "Hi, how are you?", the teenage girl giggled and blushed. I've had plenty of pretty girls smile at me when passing, and I've had girls ask me out before (I always ran away, though.)

Somehow, though, I can't translate that into how I feel about myself. I was teased in middle school and high school over my looks, to the point where I was seriously considering getting plastic surgery. Whenever a girl says I'm good looking, I think back to what those kids said in high school about my looks, and I just feel so ugly.

I have a female friend who I opened up to about this, and she said, "My god! You're not ugly!" She obviously sees something that I don't.

It's gotten to the point where a girl would have to jump on me in order for me to think that she actually likes me.

First of all, you are way too hung up on looks- both yours and other people's.

Secondly, if you feel you're not attractive then the answer is to change what you can and accept what you can't. You mentioned in another thread that you would like to lose some weight. Have you started working on that? If not, what's stopping you?

The only way to stop doing something is to simply stop doing it. If you're planning to date online and you are consciously aware that you're avoiding girls you consider attractive, then make sure you don't do that anymore. Just talking about it and trying to find tricks to make yourself stop isn't going to work. You have to actually stop.

The thing is your noticing the signs, so your noticing when girls like you/get nervous around you. You need to try and build your confidence.

Sounds like your not unnatractive, you just have to believe in yourself a little more, I got called ugly when I was young too, and Im no beauty but Im not ugly either, its taken me a long time to get to the point where im fairly ok with my looks.

Plus its not ALL about looks anyhow.

Let me tell you a secret, I'm not dating my boyfriend for his looks. Yes, I find him attractive but I didn't when we first started dating. I rarely ever find guys attractive from the get-go. He grew on me though and I absolutely love him as a person. I wish he could just see himself the way I see him, then he wouldn't be so down on his looks all the time.

I have tried, and I've already joined a gym. I'm also trying to cut soda out of my diet, but it's hard (I've already eliminated fast food.)

I recognize that it's not all about looks, but I feel like I'd have to settle or be alone because of the way I look. Maybe I'm more good looking than I think I am, but all I see are my big nose, my big beer belly, my skinny arms, and my feminine looking face. I don't see myself as good looking at all.

Why on earth would you sabotage yourself like that???

Why on earth would you sabotage yourself like that???

I don't know. That's the point of this thread. I want to find out why I feel this way.

](*,)

I can understand where the OP is coming from.

I would prefer a girl to be attracted to my looks instead of her growing on me as a person. I have enough friends.

I was teased in middle school and high school over my looks, to the point where I was seriously considering getting plastic surgery. Whenever a girl says I'm good looking, I think back to what those kids said in high school about my looks, and I just feel so ugly.

You need to forget this junk. You're not in high school anymore. You can't keep dredging up your past hurts and using it as a yardstick for determining your self-worth, because it is very inaccurate one. I don't even need to know what you looked like in high school or how you look now. Many people at that stage of their life are overwhelmingly intellectually lazy and will form impressions of you from the most arbitrary things. You've basically taken these false impressions to be the reality.

You need to rewrite those impressions. When someone pays you a compliment commit it to memory. You also need to catch yourself out every time you recall those high school days. When you do, remind yourself that it is not real and replace it with a memory of when someone did find you attractive (for your personality as well as your looks).

I don't have any particular advice for you but like so many male posters here looking for women you seem very focussed on their looks and "hotness" above all else...seeing SO many threads like this lately...seems like an unattractive woman might as well just not even entertain the idea of a relationship...

I recognize that it's not all about looks, but I feel like I'd have to settle or be alone because of the way I look.

Then you clearly don't recognize it's all about looks, if you feel like you'd have to settle to be alone. You've just completely contradicted yourself.

While I stick by my original advice of doing any kind of physical self-improvement you feel necessary, what you really need to work on is your severely low self-esteem. It's going to continue to hold you back until you address it.

I don't have any particular advice for you but like so many male posters here looking for women you seem very focussed on their looks and "hotness" above all else...seeing SO many threads like this lately...seems like an unattractive woman might as well just not even entertain the idea of a relationship...

If you're talking about yourself, you're not unattractive. You're actually really pretty (at least going by your avatar.)

This thread was a mistake. I didn't mean to come off sounding shallow. But looks do play a part in who you want to date, and I feel inadequate and unattractive to the girls I do want to date. I'm not focused on their hotness as much as I'm focused on my lack of hotness.

If I woke up tomorrow looking like Brad Pitt, instead of the fat nerdy looking guy I am, I would have a lot more confidence to approach the girls I get crushes on. Instead, I feel like they would never go for me, so I never ask them out. And if they go after me, I run away because I feel like I don't deserve them. Whoever said it's low self esteem is right.

If you woke up tomorrow looking like brad pitt, I bet your insecurity would still be there. You probably wouldn't work out like he does. You wouldn't know how to dress your body. You would still have low confidence and it would still undo you.

I have met plenty of beautiful men whose looks are no match for their own nagging hatred.

If you woke up tomorrow looking like brad pitt, I bet your insecurity would still be there. You probably wouldn't work out like he does. You wouldn't know how to dress your body. You would still have low confidence and it would still undo you.

 

I have met plenty of beautiful men whose looks are no match for their own nagging hatred.

So how do you increase the confidence? I'm going to work out, but would that be enough? I still probably will be geeky looking, because I wear glasses.

That's true, I've met some attractive girls who are so full of themselves, it's disgusting. I'm talking about the attractive girls who are beautiful on the inside AND the outside.

So how do you increase the confidence? I'm going to work out, but would that be enough? I still probably will be geeky looking, because I wear glasses.

 

That's true, I've met some attractive girls who are so full of themselves, it's disgusting. I'm talking about the attractive girls who are beautiful on the inside AND the outside.

And that's a bad thing? I think you really need to revaluate what you find attractive. It's not a spectrum at all, it's a buffet.

And that's a bad thing? I think you really need to revaluate what you find attractive. It's not a spectrum at all, it's a buffet.

It is because a lot of girls won't date guys with glasses. Here's an example:

4 years ago, I was living in the dorms at a uni. There was this girl I found incredibly attractive who worked at the bookstore, yet she didn't even seem to notice me (I'd go through her line, and she'd just ring up my stuff without a smile on her face or even aknowledging me.)

Then I tried to get contact lenses. I realized soon after that they irritated my eyes too much, but I went into the same store and went through the same line with the girl. Suddenly, she was all smiles and was flirting with me. My confidence went way up. I almost asked for her number, but didn't.

There is an example of how girls percieve me in glasses and without glasses. This girl didn't even know I was the same guy who went through her line before, but suddenly, once I ditched the glasses, she was attracted to me.

I realize that not every girl would act that way, and that maybe I'd be more attractive to someone with glasses, but I honestly don't feel that way. I hate my glasses.

Buy better glasses then. If you buy the right style for your face, it will make you more attractive. That's the goal of modern day glasses. I know plenty of people who buy glasses and don't need them. Why? If they are right for your face, they will make you look better. I wear glasses for reading and have gotten nothing but compliments. Some guys really have "librarian fetishes" and react crazily to glasses.

Buy better glasses then. If you buy the right style for your face, it will make you more attractive. That's the goal of modern day glasses. I know plenty of people who buy glasses and don't need them. Why? If they are right for your face, they will make you look better. I wear glasses for reading and have gotten nothing but compliments. Some guys really have "librarian fetishes" and react crazily to glasses.

I guess that's true. I had Harry Potter style glasses, and was made fun of for that. So I switched to square frames, but I think they're too big for my face now.

I'm due to have my glasses prescription replaced, so I'll look at new frames and see if I like any of them.

So how do you increase the confidence? .

You got some great advice on this already in the other thread you started; it seems like you want to talk about this stuff and analyze instead of doing anything. Are you perhaps avoiding taking action? It seems like you might be too scared to change because right now your situation is familiar and comfortable with no risk.

You got some great advice on this already in the other thread you started; it seems like you want to talk about this stuff and analyze instead of doing anything. Are you perhaps avoiding taking action? It seems like you might be too scared to change because right now your situation is familiar and comfortable with no risk.

I just want to understand why I feel this way. I have gotten great advice, and I'm going to work on it.

I'm not trying to offend anyone here. I just want to move forward, and actually go on dates, instead of avoiding attractive girls.

A womanizing moron once told me something, and I think it was actually an accident because it was the smartest thing that ever came out of his mouth (not verbatim, but you get the idea):

All women are people. That's it. Hot women, ugly women, they're all people, just like you and me. They're not God, and they're not above you. Some may like to think they are, but they're just that...people. The moment you put them above you is the moment you lose.

Sounds like you are feeling this way because you have low self-esteem. You may want to start asking yourself why it is low. Do you need something tangible to increase it? Can you do it internally? I think the action to take would be to find a good book about increasing self-esteem, if you are serious about changing. Good looks aren't going to change anything. Girls tend to gravitate towards guys that they feel comfortable around. They seem to be much less into looks than us guys. They are more into personality and sense of humor. In my case, I consider myself a good looking guy (in shape, good features, etc..), but I lose confidence around a girl because I feel like I can't show them my humor or personality. I can see them sensing it and then they are turned off. There's always something. It's important to realize that a girl needs to like you for you. When they do, then just keep being you. It sounds more like a self-defeating problem, then an actual problem attracting girls.

I think it is kind of a self fulfilling prophecy.. you believe that you aren't good enough for good looking girls, so even if they hit on you.. you don't think you're good enough and never respond so they move on.

You should be happy that they liked you even when you believed you aren't good looking.. Because If that were true! At least you know they liked you because of your personality.. and that's even better. Maybe you're just scared of being rejected. This could be why you can never get into a relationship.... even when the opportunity presents itself, you shoot it down immediately because you believe it will fail. If you can't get rid of the fear of being hurt/rejected, then you may never risk starting a relationship with who you really want. You may only look for relationships that you're sure you won't be hurt/rejected (which is looking for people you don't really like).