My friend believes that bad things are happening to her because she used to cut...

I really need some insight on this. My best friend used to cut. She's 18 and has been clean for a year. I think she started when she was 12 or 13. She went to counselling for it and it helped. The reason she started was because she found out her older sister was in an abusive relationship and she didn't know how to deal with the stress of that, plus her parents are extremely controlling and always have been.

She's also had really bad luck with guys. She dated a guy last year and she told him that she used to cut and he ultimately said that it weirded him out or something like that and that stopped him from committing. Harsh, I thought. They did end up getting together for a bit, but he made no effort and she felt like she liked him a lot more than he liked her.

Fast forward to this year and she started dating someone else. She liked him a lot more than the first one and they talked for many months before making it official. This one seemed to be the laziest guy ever. She was never his priority and he could always think of something better to do besides being with her. There were some good times, but mostly not - so about two days ago they broke up. The first day after the break up, she was really happy and felt empowered because she had told him off. The next day... not so much. She was questioning everything she had done in the relationship.

These are her exact words (from last night) and they make me sick.

"Then why the eff didn't it work out? It's because I used to cut, D."

She always talks about how she's a bad person because she cut and that karma is just repaying her. I just don't understand this! Cutting does not make someone evil or a bad person and I definitely do not believe that things heppen because you cut. I think that's ridiculous. I don't think things happen for a reason at all - and she thinks quite the opposite.

She lives with me right now and she currently doesn't like her program that she's in at college. She wants to go to another city in January to take something else. She's applied and her parents were very supportive... until just recently. Last night (of all nights, she was already a mess), they decided to tell her that they would not help her get a loan or move her to the other city to go to school because they didn't support her decision. She was livid. She went on to say that this happened because she cut. If she hadn't cut then good things would happen to her.

I wasn't really sure how to deal with this. She kept saying you deserve a better friend who's not so complicated and that she should just be alone. She said she was an inconvenience to everyone.

I just told her that she needed to let go of her past (cutting) to move forward. She said she can't let go of something that major and it just always comes back to haunt her.

She has been effed over in many aspects of her life, and it's not like she hasn't had a breakdown before. But for some reason, this time seems different to me... I'm scared that she might cut again, or worse.

So, does anyone out there believe that because she used to cut - that is why bad things happen to her?

I would love to go on my rant about why I think things DON'T happen for a reason, but I think this post is long enough. And I really just want to help my friend see that she needs to move forward. I want to suggest couseling, but I know that would send her over the edge.

My husband is/was a cutter. He hasn't for awhile, but the scars are deep. Did your friend ever get help for the cutting, or did she stop on her own? Has she ever had therapy? She needs to forgive herself for what she did. She is punishing herself, but feeling that this is what she gets for hurting herself. Self-forgiveness is going to be key for her to move on and put it behind her. Maybe you can talk to her about it and mention that therapy would be a good idea.

My husband is/was a cutter. He hasn't for awhile, but the scars are deep. Did your friend ever get help for the cutting, or did she stop on her own? Has she ever had therapy? She needs to forgive herself for what she did. She is punishing herself, but feeling that this is what she gets for hurting herself. Self-forgiveness is going to be key for her to move on and put it behind her. Maybe you can talk to her about it and mention that therapy would be a good idea.

She went to counselling for a while last year and it seemed to help - well, it made the cutting stop. But it seems like she hasn't really let go of it at all.

Her sister has told her to go to counselling recently and she got very offended - saying "I've already done my time". She always says how people treat her like a patient or like she should have a straightjacket and she hates that feeling. Personally, I think that's why she does not want to do counselling again.

If she doesn't want to go to counselling, no one can make her. I really think the problem is that she is harboring this guilt for cutting herself and in turn it is filtering into her life and being blamed for everything bad that has happened to her. She has to release the guilt, know that she is a valuable human being deserving of love and good things. It's easy to tell someone that, but it's harder for them to follow through. Just keep showing her your support and encourage her to be happy. It may take her a long time to realize that she is not a bad person for what she did.

If she doesn't want to go to counselling, no one can make her. I really think the problem is that she is harboring this guilt for cutting herself and in turn it is filtering into her life and being blamed for everything bad that has happened to her. She has to release the guilt, know that she is a valuable human being deserving of love and good things. It's easy to tell someone that, but it's harder for them to follow through. Just keep showing her your support and encourage her to be happy. It may take her a long time to realize that she is not a bad person for what she did.

I agree. She needs to move on from that part of her life. It will take time, and she likes immediate results. I kept telling her that if she needed to vent, she could talk to me. She just said she wanted to be alone. But I will continue to support her.

Thanks for the advice.

I'm sorry for what your friend is experiencing : [. No, i definitely don't believe that negative things have happened because of her cutting. She wasn't being a bad person; she was in a lot of pain, and that's how it kind of manifested itself at that point in her life. I'm not sure that i have any real advice, also since she doesn't seem to want counselling at this moment, but she's pretty young, and i think there is time for her to work through this. It's good that you've been there for her, and that you're reminding her that her thoughts concerning this are just not true. Hopefully she might change her mind about counselling at some point : [. I wish i had real advice to offer, but what i know for certain is that she's not a bad person for her past cutting.

I'm sorry for what your friend is experiencing : [. No, i definitely don't believe that negative things have happened because of her cutting. She wasn't being a bad person; she was in a lot of pain, and that's how it kind of manifested itself at that point in her life. I'm not sure that i have any real advice, also since she doesn't seem to want counselling at this moment, but she's pretty young, and i think there is time for her to work through this. It's good that you've been there for her, and that you're reminding her that her thoughts concerning this are just not true. Hopefully she might change her mind about counselling at some point : [. I wish i had real advice to offer, but what i know for certain is that she's not a bad person for her past cutting.

I agree completely.. it doesn't make her a bad person. It's just a way of dealing with stress. To me cutting is like a disease or an addiction. It's like being an alcoholic or something like that. It's something you need to overcome and circumstances often led you to the addiction. I wish I knew some way to make her understand that she is a good person.

I have been supporting her since she started cutting, and there have been times when she will cut me out of her life because she thinks I deserve better. If I didn't want to support her, I wouldn't. She has so much going for her, I wish she would see that.