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My boyfriend treats me like his child!


Kpratt

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Hey everyone. I need some advice! Sometimes I feel as though my boyfriend treats me as his child more than his g/f. He never asks me if anything is ok, he just assumes that it is. He does whatever he wants without asking me if I mind but ANYTHING I do has to be approved by him. He often tells me what to do rather than saying 'hunny do you mind doing this'. If I need to use his cell phone I have to ask...(we live together so in my mind if I need to use his phone I should just be able to). If hes on the computer Im not allowed near him. Sometimes (quite often) he will go out with his friends and just leave me at home (although hes been getting a little better at this lately).

 

The way that he talks to me is like his child. If I say something to him he doesnt like he will come up to me with his finger in my face and say 'I dont like your attitude right now, you need to smarten the **** up'. I feel like its some way of discipling your child (although I hope most people wouldnt swear at their children!) rather tahn of talking to me like Im his gf and being like 'honey I wish you wouldnt do that' or something like that.

 

Also, I feel like he doesnt have a lot of respect for my wishes (just in little things). For example, we have a roommate who my boyfriend shows the utmost respect for. If he is sleeping, my bf is quiet. BUT if IM sleeping and ask for him to be quiet hes usually yelling and screaming.

 

He has a little bit of a temper so I dont want to upset him. How can I approach him and tell him how I feel without upsetting him.

 

P.S I dont want to break up with him, becuase in a lot of ways he is a great boyfriend and all these things I tell you about are LITTLE things that bother me. In the bigger picture I still want to be with him, I just dont know how to change these things.

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I agree, this is not little. He is verbally and emotionally abusing you in order to make you feel small..and in order for you to feel too scared to call him out on his behaviour. His finger in your face is a step towards physical abuse. One day it might not just be near your face he might actually hit you. You need to stand up to him and tell him his treatment is unacceptable. If you are too afraid to do that for fear of how he will react then you shouldn't be in a relationship with him. Relationships are about mutual respect, not fear.

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P.S I dont want to break up with him, becuase in a lot of ways he is a great boyfriend and all these things I tell you about are LITTLE things that bother me. In the bigger picture I still want to be with him, I just dont know how to change these things.

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he is not a great boyfriend he is a great abuser tho...you are scared of him. you are intimidated by him. you fear upsetting him. he controls you verbally abuses you. you have low esteem and no confidence in yourself.. he shows no respect or consideration for your feelings..he demoralises you..

I just dont know how to change these things.

What do you mean How can YOU change them???? isnt this abuse coming from the abuser(boyfriend) Isnt it his behvour that warrants more change??? yes you enable him all the time you can stop this in a heartbeat if you choose to...

So please tell us how great a boyfriend he is. do you mean WHEN he decides to be nice, when he allows you to use his phone IF you ask nice...lay on the charm..throw you scraps of pleasantries. you feel close while having sex....you will lose who you are within this realtionship if it continues.. YOU are showing clear signs already of doing just this..tell me WHAT happens when you challenge him and say NO you will have to do it yourself. OR. I am going out with the girls this weekend?? Does he support you and say have a wonderful time...If you stay at home when he is out I would bet you have already disregarded or lost many girlfriends???have you??? break your severe co dependancy.. get some support in finding yourself again without HIM....

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I know what this is like. My cousins husband is similar to the way your bf out to be. In my cousins case, it usually her fault. He just blames her for everything, thats pretty much it well at least that I am aware of.

 

Its not the best thing in the world to see or hear. But what I really suggest is talking this over with your bf and tell him how you feel and see where you get from there.

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some of the things he is doing, seems a little out of control, such as the pointing the finger in your face saying you need to smarten the F up,

yeah, no, I wouldn't put up with that.

Just approach him, let him know, babe, we need to talk,

choose a time to talk to him when he is winding down and has already eaten, and just let him know some things have been bothering you, and then let him know how you feel and be as brutally honest as you need to be, make eye contact and don't put up with his crap...

Hopefully that helped a little...

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I don't know, I would get spooked out if a man put his fingers in my face telling me to smarten up. That's usually the first sign of possible future physical abuse. You stated yourself that's the way he would treat a child and my guess it's that he believes in disciplining a child by corporal punishment, he might do that on you. I say either talk to him and state how this is not acceptable or break up.

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I'm sorry, but these are not little things at all.

 

He is controlling you.

 

If you have to run by him with anything, how will you ever have a mind of your own?

 

He has no respect for you, and I know you mentioned that you didn't want to break things off with him, but I seriously doubt things will get any better for you if you stay in this relationship.

 

Why should YOU have to change these things?

 

and most importantly...

 

Why do you allow him to walk all over you?

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This person has absolutely no level of respect for you and perhaps even less. This is a perfect example of the kind of partner that you do NOT wnat to be with. Why are you hanging around for more? You have about a 99.99999% chance that you can find better. I know the chances might be slim that you won't, but If I were you, I'd take the gamble!

Oh, and by the way....Don't ever, EVER let anyone treat you like that. EVER!

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  • 3 years later...

I know this thread is very old but I had to come on and reply as I have been trawling through the internet looking for people who are experiencing similar things to me.

 

My boyfriend gets mad if I interrupt him while he's speaking, makes negative remarks if I am wearing something that he deems too short, transparent or low cut, and tells me I am being "disrespectful" all the time. He also points his finger in my face. He punishes me (verbally) for things I’ve done, using snide remarks and comments.

 

Last weekend we were going shopping and he said something that upset me. I showed that I was upset and he said "Do you want to go shopping on your own today?". He might as well have said "Are you going to behave yourself today?". That's how I saw it anyway.

 

We have been together 9 years. It's hard because like your fella, my guy is also very nice when he wants to be. Very kind, everyone loves him... but I am very unhappy. We live together (me at his house – very stupid lovestruck mistake). Can anyone give me any advice?

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