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Thread: my boyfriend pretty much only wants it in the missionary position

  1. #1
    Georgia_girl44
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    my boyfriend pretty much only wants it in the missionary position

    enough said.

    He ALWAYS wants to have sex in the missionary position and while I love that because it feels good, I also love other positions (especially from behind) but his excuse is that he "just loves to look at my gorgeous face"

    And while that is so sweet and wonderful, I'd love for him to initiate other positions..not just the same old same old.
    We've been together for almost a year and a half now and while I know that couples often have TONS of sex in the beginning and then wane off, I just feel like I'm constantly initiating it. When I ask him why he doesn't want to have sex, his excuse is "I'm just tired, babe!" And then I get upset and often go to sleep mad because I feel like maybe I'm not attractive to him anymore (even though I look just like I did when we met).

    Any thoughts?

  2. #2
    Jd1983
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    Why not wear some sexy lingerie to get him in the mood, and then tell him you want to play a little game, but he has to listen to everything you have to say. You can then initiate doggy style to him, and hopefully he'll get the hint.

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    Cognitive_Canine
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    How did your talks about this go with him? Have you told him that you are feeling insecure because of the lower frequency of sex?

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    Georgia_girl44
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    yeh, I tell him exactly how I feel because I would rather be over-honest than not. I even came home last night in my sexy minnie mouse costume (halloween party) and I had to initiate the sex..
    I initiate sex 95% of the time. I buy sex toys and stuff when my girlfriends have sex toy parties and I bring them home to him only to have him not care at all. I wear lingerie, offer to give him head, NOTHING WORKS ANYMORE. Seriously, I'm so close to just giving up. I know he masturbates a lot, but he always has so I doubt that has anything to do with it.

    I love him, but I dont feel wanted at all.

  5. #5
    Jd1983
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    What does he say to you when you tell him how you feel? I can understand how frustrating it may be when you are putting in all the effort and he just seems like he doesn't care.

  6. #6
    Georgia_girl44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jd1118 [Register to see the link]
    What does he say to you when you tell him how you feel? I can understand how frustrating it may be when you are putting in all the effort and he just seems like he doesn't care.
    All he says is that I'm being over-dramatic and that couples don't have to have sex all the time. That he'd rather cuddle and sleep close than have sex sometimes.

    Then when I get mad and roll over to go to sleep (or sometimes cry because I'm so frustrated), he tells me "this is the s hit that p isses him off"

    Am I being too concerned with this?

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    Cognitive_Canine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Georgia_girl44 [Register to see the link]
    All he says is that I'm being over-dramatic and that couples don't have to have sex all the time. That he'd rather cuddle and sleep close than have sex sometimes.

    Then when I get mad and roll over to go to sleep (or sometimes cry because I'm so frustrated), he tells me "this is the s hit that p isses him off"

    Am I being too concerned with this?
    It doesn't matter what other couples do. It matters what you and his needs and wants are. You want and need more sex.

    You say you cry after he denies you and then he becomes upset. Can you give us more detail with that?

  8. #8
    Jd1983
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    Quote Originally Posted by Georgia_girl44 [Register to see the link]
    All he says is that I'm being over-dramatic and that couples don't have to have sex all the time. That he'd rather cuddle and sleep close than have sex sometimes.

    Then when I get mad and roll over to go to sleep (or sometimes cry because I'm so frustrated), he tells me "this is the s hit that p isses him off"

    Am I being too concerned with this?
    No, I don't think you're overreacting at all.

    In my opinion, sex is very important in a relationship. It takes effort on both sides to make things work. You have every right to be frustrated because I would be too.

    I agree, that you don't have to have sex all the time, but if you are barely having sex that is a problem just as well.

    You need to really think about things. Is this something you are willing to put up with? Eventually it may start to eat up at you. I know you have already spoken to him time and time again, but I would continue to speak to him about it. Let him know that his lack of interest with sex makes you feel insecure and that you want to come up with a common ground.

  9. #9
    Georgia_girl44
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    Quote Originally Posted by Cognitive_Canine [Register to see the link]
    It doesn't matter what other couples do. It matters what you and his needs and wants are. You want and need more sex.

    You say you cry after he denies you and then he becomes upset. Can you give us more detail with that?
    When we're laying in bed at night, I understand we've both had a hard day at work and we're both tired, but I would like to connect with him and have sex. If I ask for it or hint at us having sex and he's not in the mood, he becomes upset like i'm asking him to cut his leg off. He's starts to whine and say "Not tonight, baby. Let's do it in the morning" (which never happens)
    Then I start playing around and continuing hinting at it playfully and he will continue to shut me down. So then I usually play the guilt card "Whatever, we never have sex anymore" and he comes back with "Oh god! Yes we do! I just dont want it all the time"

    It's at this point that I just roll over and cry. If he hears my crying he just says "Stop crying. Just because I dont want sex doesnt mean you have to cry. See, this is the s hit that p isses me off!"

    Thats how it usually goes.


    I feel the same way that our relationship is not everyone else's relationship. To be honest, it started out with us wanting it the same amount-- all the time. And now, he could go a month without it if I didnt say something. I work at a lingerie store and sometimes he comes in but doesnt show any interest in having me try anything on or picking something out for me. Sometimes, this makes me feel more like a friend than a girlfriend.

  10. #10
    Cognitive_Canine
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    Do you think he could be cheating on you?

    Do you fight a lot now? The biggest turnoffs are financial problems and such.

    You say that you play the guilt card and cry on a regular basis. I understand your frustration but these things are more likely to turn him off more. Also, you push him for sex after he says no. Have you tried not making any moves and telling him that you'll lay off and he can come to you when he's ready? I'd give that a try. Take the pressure and fighting out of the situation and see what happens.

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