I can't stop obsessing, pleasehelp!

I haven't been very happy lately. My over analyzing has gotten out of hand and this morning I realized that I am obsessing over every little detail of my relationship with my boyfriend. (Of course, no one knows this, I keep it to myself).

I realized that I am the most happy when I am with him or am going to be seeing him in the near future. I wake up in the morning looking forward to his text, check my phone constantly to see if there is anything from his during the day, get home from school and can't wait to hear from him, and before I go to bed he is the last person I want to talk to. I feel like I'm obsessed. If he doesn't text me when I expect it, I get worried. I find myself constantly thinking about him and I don't think that's healthy. It's not like I'm crazy. I have other things to be doing, but somehow my mind always goes back to him.

I tend to live for other people, and I feel this is definitely happening again. I did the same thing with my best friend, I took all her problems in as my own. I think that's just how I live.. caring for others. I feel like I would do anything for my boyfriend and am willing to base my future around what he's doing.

I don't think what I'm doing is healthy and I have tried to make a conscious effort to stop. I don't know why I'm doing this, I really don't. We are in a long distance relationship and I find it pretty hard sometimes. Next week he is going away for 10 days on vacation and I know I won't be able to talk to him very much and I think that's bothering me.

But why do I over analyze? It scares me to know how much it would break me if our relationship ever ended. I am very, very, extremely attached. I love him and I want to be there for him, but I NEED to quit obsessing over things.

What do I do?.

You are obssessing because you really love the guy. That's fine but you need to realize that he should not be your entire life. I am sure you had a life and plenty of things before you were with him.

It is nice to be in a arelationship and love someone but there should be other things you should be focusing on too. School...work...friends...family!

I know what you feel because we all get like that when we really love someone, you just need to relax and if you trust him and he loves you as much as you love him then things will be fine. Now stop obessessing and go find something to do!!

I have really tried! I drive three hours on the bus everyday and that's all I think about. I try to keep myself busy, the only time I really can is at school. But the rest of the time I am just an over analyzing, emotional girl, although I hide it - inside I'm going crazy! I just want to feel relaxed.

At this point I feel like I love him more than he loves me. Maybe that's wrong - I just obsess more. He makes me feel loved. I think I am just being crazy. I don't want him to obsess like me! It's exhausting.

I have really tried! I drive three hours on the bus everyday and that's all I think about. I try to keep myself busy, the only time I really can is at school. But the rest of the time I am just an over analyzing, emotional girl, although I hide it - inside I'm going crazy! I just want to feel relaxed.

 

At this point I feel like I love him more than he loves me. Maybe that's wrong - I just obsess more. He makes me feel loved. I think I am just being crazy. I don't want him to obsess like me! It's exhausting.

I would think it is...but why do you feel that you love him more than he loves you?

I would think it is...but why do you feel that you love him more than he loves you?

well maybe I worded that wrong.

I feel like he loves me a healthy, good amount

but I love him more than that, which is why I'm at this point.

I think long distance relationships can lend to this sort of behavior. (Being in one myself - though that officially changes in one week!!!) I have discussed my behavior with my counselor. I tend to do these exact things. Only worse, I go and tell my boyfriend that I'm doing it. That makes him feel guilty and then he tries extra hard to keep in touch with me. I feel so bad for him!

Anyway, here are a few things my counselor and I have come up with as ways to combat it:

1.) Keep busy. This is especially helpful on nights he's out with friends at the bar or over at his ex's house babysitting his kids. If I'm doing something with my girls, then I'm not spending the time alone at home thinking of all sorts of unlikely and horrible outcomes. (Like his ex will come home, and he'll realize he misses her, and they'll make up and get married on the spot -- yeah, I can get that crazy if I have too much time on my hands.)

2.) Journal about it. I, too, "get worried" if I don't hear from my ex. So, on the nights where he hasn't called me when I've expected him to, I start writing. My counselor told me to write out what I'm feeling and why I feel that way. Then I write about how likely my worries are and if they could really be happening. I always feel much better by the end!

3.) Keep Busy, make to-do lists. This is a little similar to #1, but goes a little further. If your mind is preoccupied with something else, then it splits up the concentration you have over the worrying. My counselor suggested to me that if my mind is partially concentrated on crosswords then I won't be using 100% brain power obsessing over what he's doing. By making a to-do list, I always have options of things to keep me busy so I'm not obsessing. Plus, the actual making of a to-do list is using up brain power.

Hope that helps.

Is he your first love?

I feel like I do and feel exactly the same with my bf at times. Thing is I still feel like that and we more or less live together, work that one out!!

I just wanted you to know your not alone in thinking like this and I will be watching this thread for some advice too.

Glad to hear I'm not the only one. I try not to tell him I am doing this, but I'm scared one day I'll just let out everything I'm holding in. I think the long distance does have a lot to do with it. I will definitely try the journal thing. I find just writing on here ena makes me feel better so that should too.

Thanks a lot

Is he your first love?

yes, he is. he's my first serious boyfriend.

 

I feel like I do and feel exactly the same with my bf at times. Thing is I still feel like that and we more or less live together, work that one out!!

 

I just wanted you to know your not alone in thinking like this and I will be watching this thread for some advice too.

well thanks for the support, I hope you also get something out of this!

yes, he is. he's my first serious boyfriend.

It probably seemed like a weird question to ask, but hey thought I would ask!

I agree with amberlise those are all really good suggestions, I too am in a long distance relationship so I understand what you feel.

Its not easy but I find that writting helps to keep my obssession on a healthy level!

Yeah I do these things too, writing in a diary and I do think it helps, but I do feel the thoughts still sneak in at times!!! Also posting on here really helps, ill say it again Im so glad I found this site

It probably seemed like a weird question to ask, but hey thought I would ask!

 

I agree with amberlise those are all really good suggestions, I too am in a long distance relationship so I understand what you feel.

 

Its not easy but I find that writting helps to keep my obssession on a healthy level!

Yeah, I plan on trying it.

I just want to be happy, and the only time is when I get to see him soon.. and I don't. Blah! and although I know he loves me a healthy amount, when I get emotional half the time I feel like he doesn't care as much, even though I know that's not true.

Yeah, I plan on trying it.

I just want to be happy, and the only time is when I get to see him soon.. and I don't. Blah! and although I know he loves me a healthy amount, when I get emotional half the time I feel like he doesn't care as much, even though I know that's not true.

Don't worry I am sure he cares for you and the good thing is you know it. I would definitely try the suggestions posted here I am sure they will help on some level. Good Luck!

Don't worry I am sure he cares for you and the good thing is you know it. I would definitely try the suggestions posted here I am sure they will help on some level. Good Luck!

thank you!