After being married for 22 years and in a pretty good (or so I thought) marriage, I found out that while I was away on a trip, my husband had a one night stand with a girl he met at a bar. She gave him her phone number and after he got home he called her and asked her over. I only found out because there was a used condom on the floor by his night table. The 2 things I feel most hurt about is that he actually went home without her and then called her to come over. That means he really thought about what he was doing and had time to back out but didn't. (of course his excuse was he was so drunk) The other thing I have a hard time with is when I told him he really must have thought about doing it if he went to get condoms he said she the condom. So I said, I guess that means you would have been willing to have unprotected sex with this stranger, and he didn't answer. I equate that with having no respect for me and my health.
It's been 7 weeks and I am trying to get through this to reconcile my marriage. I don't know if I am over reacting about this being it was one time and he is trying really hard (going to counselling and reading all these books and constantly talking about how he is feeling). I am having a really hard time even after 7 weeks to even want to think about having sex with him again. He says he's really hurt by the fact that I can't show affection (hugging or kissing). I don't know what to do about that. After 7 weeks, would a normal person be ready for sex with their cheating spouse? I definitely do not feel normal, feel very insecure, and angry. And his pressure to show affection is not helping. He feels that if I can't show him affection and have it mean something to me, by now, I must not want to be with him anymore.