I love you, how often?

Assuming you've said "I love you", how often do you say it to your SO and them to you? How long have you been together?

And what's the difference between saying I love you an being IN love with someone?

A few months back, my bf said he loved me, but wasn't in love with me.

Now he said I love you again after not saying it for a long time. Is it a bad idea to ask him if he's actually in love with me or should I just let things be?

Lots. Daily.

my ex felt she didnt need to say it often, her mantra was "actions speak louder than words" although when i used to tell her daily she did reply with "luv u too".

but seldom voluntary. did bug me a bit though!

we say it a lot...and we have been together almost three years.

you can love your mom, dad, and your friends but you're not in love with them. You don't have romantic feelings for them. So to me loving someone means that you want the best for them and you want them to be happy. In love is wanting the best for your bf/gf along with the romantic feelings you have. It's a little hard to describe it.

my ex felt she didnt need to say it often, her mantra was "actions speak louder than words" although when i used to tell her daily she did reply with "luv u too".

but seldom voluntary. did bug me a bit though!

that's the same as what I'm dealing with.

My boyfriend said he loved me yesterday morning. I said it again that night and he replied with a heart.

That's fine, he's always been not very keen on the words. I suppose I just don't understand.

a lot! Maybe too much actually, if there is such a thing. But everytime before we hang up, before we go to bed, through texts during the day, anytime we see eachother lol.

My guy says it ALL the time in texts, on the phone, when were together he'll just look at me and blurt it our randomly or even when he leaves the room. I say it less, I dont always say it back. I say it maybe a couple of times a day.

We've been together just over a year. We arent without our issues either!!

And, I wouldnt ask him about it,

Are you broken up?

that's the same as what I'm dealing with.

My boyfriend said he loved me yesterday morning. I said it again that night and he replied with a heart.

That's fine, he's always been not very keen on the words. I suppose I just don't understand.

when i did say it though i did worry i was appearing somewhat needy, my last ex ex needed to be told all the time....... oh well such as life, doubt if there is any underlying reason for it...if so i too would like to hear.

but my last ex said to me, that words are cheap its the actions she wanted to see, i gave and gave

My guy says it ALL the time in texts, on the phone, when were together he'll just look at me and blurt it our randomly or even when he leaves the room. I say it less, I dont always say it back. I say it maybe a couple of times a day.

 

We've been together just over a year. We arent without our issues either!!

 

And, I wouldnt ask him about it,

 

Are you broken up?

Nope, we are still very much together, eight months.

We say it several times a day. We've been together about a year and a half.

I think you should just let things be.

we've been together for a year and a half, we say I love you ALL the time, every time we leave each others company, when we hang up the phone and then all the times we just feel it!

Assuming you've said "I love you", how often do you say it to your SO and them to you? How long have you been together?

 

And what's the difference between saying I love you an being IN love with someone?

We say it a few times daily - which I think it a little too much but I'd rather hear it than not. Sometimes I feel like I am just ticking a box when I say it back but it's not because I don't love my husband but because my mind is somewhere else. He's just more affectionate than I am. I adore him though and I do what I can to show that.

We've been together 4.5 years. Today is actually our wedding anniversary - three years today.

Being in love with someone is very subjectively defined. I think people go overboard waxing poetic about butterflies and rainbows etc but maybe that is the best way to address such an ephemeral thing. Yes, the easy thing to differentiate is to look at romantic/sexual love compared to love of family/friends, but I think you're asking more than that. The key is how to differentiate between the different waves of sexual/lustful feelings and the more settled feelings of companionship. These change as the chemistry in the relationship changes. I reckon the answer to "am I in love?" is just "how do I feel?" No one is going to make it any more scientific than that when it comes down to it.

I've been with my partner for 4 years and we say "I Love You" all the times, dozens of times a day. It's not ground breaking every time but it means a lot and we can still take the time to look deeply into each others eyes and say "I love you" from a place of heart and vulnerability.

Been with my boyfriend almost a year and we first said it after 7 months. We say it once a day at the very least, usually a couple of times though.

hmmm

guess I'm just confused but I'll let it go

I think he's scared of the words.

A few months back, my bf said he loved me, but wasn't in love with me. Now he said I love you again after not saying it for a long time. Is it a bad idea to ask him if he's actually in love with me or should I just let things be?

Hang on, you added stuff here! This changes things a little, at least for my response.

I think that you should be able to ask if his feelings have changed from before. If your boyfriend is saying he's not in love with you, and he's not able to explain that satisfactorily, then you have a problem.

I always said to my husband that I would not say I was in love with him because to me the term implies limerance/infatuation and not the solid kind of love I actually have for him. In the same breath I would say that I adored, cherished, loved him etc and that I was so thrilled he was in my life.

So I can understand someone not liking the term 'in love'. But the phrase 'I love you but am not in love with you' spells trouble in my view. You have every right to talk with him about the future of your relationship and what being 'in love' means to him.

He hasn't said he doesnt love me. In the beginning of our relationship, he hadsaid he loved me, but wasn't in love with me (something along those lines) so that had made me confused. He stopped when he realized this. Then, yesterday he said "I love you". I was very happy to hear it, but I am wondering if it means the same thing as last time. I think I will just acept that he said it though as I have long suspected he has issues with the words.

I am not sure you read my response as it was intended. He said he was not in love with you. You said that, and that's what I was responding to. When someone actively chooses to say that it does not tend to bode well for a romantic relationship. I am just saying that if you are calm and gentle about it I can't see why you could not just raise with him in a quiet moment that you had been wondering whether that state of affairs had changed.

I have had people tell me they love me as they break up with me, I had my ex of 10 years tear up with love and heartfelt emotion and tell me he loved me a week before he left. I am not saying this will happen to you, of course it won't, but I am trying to make the point that his position of not being "in love" with you has not changed to your knowledge, you are feeling worried, so why not ask? Your choice though, obviously.

Okay, I must have misread your response.

I understand what you are saying.

He said he was not IN love with me about two months into our relationship.

This time he just said I love you, not clarifying which he meant.

I don't want to push it, he hasn't said it in so long.

But perhaps I'll think of mentioning it to him. It's just hard cause we are long distance and I'd rather talk in person. That will be in about 10 days.

I re read your last post

and you said that you thought "in love" was more of an infatuation?

Because it was so long ago that he said he loved me for the first time. He said he was infatuated with me, but that the real deal was coming soon. To me there is only one kind of love, I actually don't remember for sure which he termed as which.

Oh yeah, this is definitely an in-person chat. Anyway, I'm glad he said it, and I'm glad you're feeling a bit better about things.

I wonder if I would say I was in love much if I was in an LDR? I think that saying "I am so in love with you" is really a very spontaneous thing that happens when you are with someone and you caught the light in their eyes, you saw them do that special something you love etc.

Good luck for 10 days' time. I imagine you'll find out how he feels (even if it's just your gut feeling) without asking him anything at all...

Oh yeah, this is definitely an in-person chat. Anyway, I'm glad he said it, and I'm glad you're feeling a bit better about things.

 

I wonder if I would say I was in love much if I was in an LDR? I think that saying "I am so in love with you" is really a very spontaneous thing that happens when you are with someone and you caught the light in their eyes, you saw them do that special something you love etc.

 

Good luck for 10 days' time. I imagine you'll find out how he feels (even if it's just your gut feeling) without asking him anything at all...

One more quick question!

Which is better then?

Saying

I love you

or

I am in love with you?

which is a deeper meaning? I seem to have confused myself.

And thanks for the help, by the way.

I re read your last post

and you said that you thought "in love" was more of an infatuation?

 

Because it was so long ago that he said he loved me for the first time. He said he was infatuated with me, but that the real deal was coming soon. To me there is only one kind of love, I actually don't remember for sure which he termed as which.

I think that "in love" is more about infatuation. I don't have a problem if my boyfriend/husband never says he's in love with me. But saying "I am NOT in love with you" is the problem for me. It's someone actively saying that they are not even going to go there with you - they are cutting off even suggesting that degree of passion or romance.

However, your last para above shows a story that can be read quite differently. He might even be saying the same thing I am, that "in love" is the short term infatutation part that leads to the real deal which is the love that lasts, a more functional committed love. If he said he was infatuated with you then he was not saying he was not in love with you. He was saying the opposite! And now he's said he loves you, then you've heard what you needed to. See how you feel when you see him though.

One more quick question!

Which is better then?

Saying

I love you

or

I am in love with you?

 

which is a deeper meaning? I seem to have confused myself.

 

And thanks for the help, by the way.

Oh, no worries. Sorry if I also misunderstood.

Note sure if my last post covers it for you, and of course this is just my view, but I think that there's no easy answer! You should never take "I love you" as immunity to break up (as my own experience shows!) but if it's said in a context of your partner also showing affection, planning for the future, and general mental good health, then that's great. And in my view it's much better than "I am in love with you".

I think that some people say that last one and because they say "in" they mean it's a current thing, no promises. Like "gee I love you right now". Maybe I think this just because I have dated a lot of cads in my past who dished out the "in love" stuff and didn't care about it the next day. But in my view, infatuation can die pretty easily, and "in love" just means that.

Your post makes more sense to me now. Thanks for clearing up that for me. He treats me well. So I will stop worrying about what he's saying and concentrate on what he's doing.

The "in love" analogy makes sense to me now. I'm not sure how he views it but I feel that he loves me with his actions. And he said it, so what am I worried about? Well.. I suppose he won't say it often, but I can handle that until he feels secure enough. I know he doesn't see much meaning in the words. He thought he was going to marry his last girlfriend. I think that's why he took so long/doesn't want to overuse them.

Lots. Daily.

Same. We say it probably 10 times a day, every day. It's just a part of how we express affection.

Oh, and in response to the OPs other question, we've been together for 8 years.