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Thread: i haven't heard from my boyfriend, what should i do?

  1. #1
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    i haven't heard from my boyfriend, what should i do?

    this all started 3 weeks ago. we've been dating for 2 months, he lost his job and found a new job in LA. so he moved back and i am here in san diego. i told him that i don't do long distance relationships, but he was very adament about keeping it going. he told that october will be a very busy month for him. but i dont see how he can't call me or text to just say hi. i may have been demanding but still. ive been doing all the contacting. he doesnt answer his phone. finally i got a response from him saying that he would call me. he never did. im taking this as it is over. but what bothers me is that why couldnt he just say it instead of avoiding me. i think that makes him a coward. i want to call him but i know i shouldn't. im really hoping he will call me eventually just to maybe answer why. what should i do? let it go or keep hoping that i'll hear from?

    new update: so two months later he decides to contact, professing how sorry he is for hurting me. he tried calling, texting and emailing in one evening. i didnt answer back because i have somewhat moved on. i answered him back 2 weeks later asking why did he what he did. he said he didnt get any of my voicemails and just seemed like a bunch of bull. but he seemed really sincere about how much he hurt me and how he wanted to be friends. so i gave in and said okay lets start fresh, you can call me. its been 2 weeks and i havent heard from him again. its the same thing happening all over again! i feel he did this to clear his conscience and get my forgiveness. i think he took my response about starting fresh as a forgiveness. but it was not. i wanted to hear what he had to say. now i am mad at myself for letting me fall for his crap again. what should i do? move on again? but i think i want to email and really let him know what a horrible person he is.
    Last edited by st78; 01-18-2010 at 05:21 AM.

  2. #2
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    I would call, get it over with.

  3. #3

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    End it...no calls...if one doesn't communicate...there can be no relationship...of course if you want to reverse everything stop calling him, then one day...three weeks from now he'll call...drunk at 3am...thats when you say you'll call him right back and hang up...then go no contact...and voiola...now he's calling you.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Jd1983's Avatar
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    I'm sorry that you're going through with this right now.

    I agree, he is just being a coward, trying to find the easy way out. I would just forget about it and move on. If you still want a closure (not stating you will get answers) then you can just give him a call. Otherwise, take it as a cue that the relationship is pretty much over.

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  6. #5
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    L.A. to San Diego is about a 2 hour drive. Its not really a drastic long distance relationship - but it is if there is no game plan. (i.e, someone comes down for the weekend or to take it slow with no sleepovers leaves early in the am and spends the saturday or sunday with the other and leaves the same night).

    It is really hard to say because there are some people who get slammed and do 12 hour shifts and are really working to settle into their new place. But I think you are right - you should at least hear something unless he felt that he told you october was busy and he would be more free after that so you are not sitting waiting by the phone.

    If you felt a real connection, I might give it one chance. October is almost over. And he can't be the one to call you if you keep calling him. Maybe after this month is over suggest that he or you visit. It doesn't have to be "inviting someone over for the weekend" but is there a festival or show you both would be interested in attending?

    If after the time he says he was busy (and there were people I did not contact while i was in major upheaval) if nothing happens, then I would say drop it.

    If you didn't really feel a connection or feel strongly that this was a quality guy, than move on, but if you do, then give it just one more chance and if he is not interested, then that's that. if he wanted to continue, he could really like you - it might have just been weird timing.

  7. #6
    Bronze Member emmyems's Avatar
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    I think you should really establish that it's actually over instead of simply assuming. You never know what could have happened (in that there may be extenuating circumstances for him not calling). Find out first and if it is in fact because he doesn't want to see you anymore, then do what you need to do to move on. Good luck to you

  8. #7
    Platinum Member thejigsup's Avatar
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    He warned you he would be busy in October. Wait and see if the lack of communication lasts until November. You could be assuming something that just isn't so. Also, men don't seem to put the value on calls or texts as we do. So, give him another week or two before you jump to conclusions, and Don't Call Him!

  9. #8
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    Just go about your life and try and forget he exists for a while, say until November, then if you don't hear from him establish that he is alive, and once you have established that, and you still haven't heard from him, establish that it's over.

  10. #9
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    It's over. Give him a call and if he doesn't answer, leave a message on his answering machine that it's over. People are strange. There seems to be a lot of 'detached' people out there. It's hard to really grasp their mentality, but that's the way they are. Best to move on as soon as possible and get on with your life.

  11. #10
    Member Sweetiepie91's Avatar
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    Long distance relationships physically can work, but those that lack bond mentally not

    If i was in your shoes i would
    Give him a call, if he doesnt answer send out a text displaying how you feel and set a time limit for him to get into contact, after this pick yourself up and move on.

    Best of luck x
    Last edited by Sweetiepie91; 11-21-2009 at 07:06 PM.


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