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Thread: Want to hear your thoughts about this.

  1. #1
    Platinum Member -Sanguine-'s Avatar
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    Want to hear your thoughts about this.

    When someone you care about is non-responsive, ie: one word answers, unenthusiastic, seems like something is bothering them, etc.

    does that make you want to keep pushing contact
    or back off?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member waveseer's Avatar
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    It makes me want to help them so I offer to hear them out when they're ready and then I back off because the message they are sending is 'leave me alone'.

  3. #3
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    hey,

    i think there's a difference between ''leave me alone because i want to be left alone'' and ''leave me alone because i don't know how to communicate with you''.

    i see two possibilities here:

    1. he's never learned how to engage in open, meaningful communication...with anyone. his defences are up...and he just doesn't feel safe enough to really let anyone in. somewhere along the course of his life he was hurt, and his only goal is to prevent that from happening again.

    2. he feels threatened by you in some way. perhaps he feels like he's being attacked.

    in either case, the key is to invite him to share with you. he has to feel that he won't be judged in any way...that you'll accept his perspective...regardless of whether or not you agree with it. it is his.

    are you emotional when you try to talk to him? is your tone at all accusatory?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member -Sanguine-'s Avatar
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    there's nothing really going on right now
    I was just curious
    but thanks, I know stuff like this does happen between us at times, so your advice will definitely help. I THINK I'm very welcoming and non-judging, but I don't know how he percieves it.

    I was even just talking about people in general, though, like how they respond to someone who is being non-responsive.

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  6. #5
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    Originally Posted by -D-
    there's nothing really going on right now
    I was just curious
    but thanks, I know stuff like this does happen between us at times, so your advice will definitely help. I THINK I'm very welcoming and non-judging, but I don't know how he percieves it.

    I was even just talking about people in general, though, like how they respond to someone who is being non-responsive.
    fair enough.

    never a bad time to start communicating better. even better if you're on good terms already.


  7. #6
    Super Moderator Capricorn3's Avatar
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    After trying a few times, I would probably back off because I would be under the impression that they are not interested and I would leave it to them to make contact with me, IF they were interested in seeing me.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member -Sanguine-'s Avatar
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    Seems common,
    to try once or twice
    then back off and leave it to them


    Sometimes I worry that when others are non-responsive to me, it is really a cry for help and they want the attention. But then how do you know whether you are crossing a line?

  9. #8
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    Personally, it drives me nuts!!! I push maybe too hard to figure out what's up. For sake of my own sanity.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member gsxr104's Avatar
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    90Hour hit it square.

  11. #10
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    If this happened to me, I would definitely back off. When someone wants to communicate, they do. If they don't want to I'm not going to push it. I think that generally makes things worse.

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