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What are signs your partner is taking you for granted?


twofour

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Hi,

 

What would you say are some of the signs or typical things if your being taken for granted by your partner?

 

I feel my boyfriend takes me for granted.

 

Just cursious to see what people think (like a list) of things that may be for that to see if im on the right track.

 

thanks

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When I felt my ex was taking me for granted, here were my thoughts:

 

--he seemed more interested in videogames, porn, work, food, and his brothers than in really spending time with me.

 

--he laughed more at other people's jokes and stories than mine

 

--he didn't thank me or seemed to just expect me making food for him...was not grateful or appreciative that I thouht of him

 

--when I'd listen to his stories of woe and comforted him, he was mean to me and didn't seem to appreciate my listening very much

 

--he didn't value my opinion as much as he valued others,' even strangers

 

--he didn't seem to care about the cards or photos I gave him, judging by the way he took care of them (leaving them in the car, spilling stuff on them, walking on them if they were on the floor)....just wasn't moved or affected by my feelings for him, it seemed

 

--didn't tell me he loved me very often anymore, didn't want to take a shower with me because he'd "get cold" (this was towards the end...he used to be gung ho about it)

 

--didn't want to get out of the car when we went to the Marina because it was "too cold." Just never very enthusiastic about being passionate with me (except for sex)...no interest in romance and closeness if it involved effort or thought

 

--ignored me when we were together and fell asleep half the time (during the day)...inconsiderate and did not try to please me, but watched what HE wanted on TV, surfed the web for songs, showed little interest in me...just acted polite, but I could see the glaze in his eyes

 

--didn't care about spending time together

 

--seems more interested in his male friends than you

 

I hope your ex isn't taking you for granted!

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thank you.

 

 

yeah i feel my boyfriend doesn't care about seeing me, spending time with me, im the last option on his list. I never come first in anything.

 

He studies - i know he has 'homework' to do and all that, but it feels he would rather watch the Family Guy on tv then speak with me.

 

he expects me to be free when he wants to do something tho, and on the odd times (like twice_ ive said i was busy he swears at me. I ask him to do stuff a lot and always get a no im busy. ive stopped asking.

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thank you.

 

 

yeah i feel my boyfriend doesn't care about seeing me, spending time with me, im the last option on his list. I never come first in anything.

 

He studies - i know he has 'homework' to do and all that, but it feels he would rather watch the Family Guy on tv then speak with me.

 

he expects me to be free when he wants to do something tho, and on the odd times (like twice_ ive said i was busy he swears at me. I ask him to do stuff a lot and always get a no im busy. ive stopped asking.

 

Don't let him play you, he wants to have it all and he doesn't want to do anything for it. Those kind of people are selfish and self-centered. I know because my ex strung me along and used me to get what she wanted, all the while telling me that "They were acts of kindness because we loved each other". What a bunch of sh-t.

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Some signs are that he forgets important dates, anniversaries, or doesn't prioritize seeing you or spending time with you. An example that happened to me was that I was leaving out of the country for a couple months and my then bf never came to say goodbye until the last minute because he wanted to get 5 extra points on this test.

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Don't let him play you, he wants to have it all and he doesn't want to do anything for it. Those kind of people are selfish and self-centered. I know because my ex strung me along and used me to get what she wanted, all the while telling me that "They were acts of kindness because we loved each other". What a bunch of sh-t.

 

yeah. the way he is acting lately, is coming off that he just isn't interested but assures me he is...

 

maybe because he gets sex when HE wants. yes, always when he wants. i haven't actually had it for 2 weeks. he tried something 'new' last week, that got him off but is something when the girl is at that time of the month. funny thign was, i wasn't on it!

 

so with that too, a man in his 20's, is fine with having sex once a week or once every two weeks? that doesn't seem that right.

 

maybe im under the wrong impression, but i thought a boyfriend would WANT his girlfriend to sleep over - not always sex, but just sleep, cuddle etc. but i guess not.

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Some signs are that he forgets important dates, anniversaries, or doesn't prioritize seeing you or spending time with you. An example that happened to me was that I was leaving out of the country for a couple months and my then bf never came to say goodbye until the last minute because he wanted to get 5 extra points on this test.

 

wow. how long did it last after that?!

 

yeah, im never a priority. never. ive seen him abotu 3 hours in an entire week.

 

it maks me feel that he doesn't want to see me, spend time with me, he'd rather be doing anythign else than somethign with me.

 

i haven't actually spent a WHOLE day with him. We've been together for 8 months nearly.

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Did not get ANYTHING for my bday except for a phone call.

 

Left for out of town on a major holiday (w/out consulting w/ me 1st)

 

Postponing our dates.

 

Knew that i would always say "yes" to the changing of our date nites.

 

Not calling when he said he would.

 

Needless to say, I dumped him a few days ago. I couldn't do this before, but i feel sooo much better about myself, and I'm glad I did it....should've done it earlier. Always, easier said than done, but I had to grow myself a pair and it took awhile before I could do it. It took me 2xs cut if off w/ him. Much easier the 2nd time around. Realized, he wasn't worth it and I deserve soo much better!

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I used to be nice like you darling girls and I would always understand if he would prefer to do something else instead of seeing me or doing something with me. Because it was his own choice.

 

However 6 months down the road, I started realizing he was taking me for granted. Sometimes, he wouldn't even see me in a whole week cause he was "busy" even though he had time to see his friends, family and spend a couple hours with his cousins each night. But everytime he wanted to see me, I would always squeeze time in for him and it usually ends with sex. >.>

 

Then when i got a puppy and had to bring it up and took it to kindergarten classes, I realized I was teaching my bf to treat me that way!!! I wasn't hindering him from using me or ignoring me, instead I was encouraging his behaviour by giving him exactly what he wanted with no effort!!!

 

So I changed my approach to how I treated him, getting extremely upset when he bailed on dates to do other things and not giving him sex at times, hanging out with friends instead of him. Eventually, he ended up ringing me and saying how I never hung out with him anymore and accusations of me cheating on him... I reminded him of how he was always "busy". We made up after a really long talk.

 

Things have been pretty stable since but that was through a lot of talking and showing him that I won't be taking his poo. He still does things that makes me mad but some things are taboo and I can't talk to him about. But most of the other things, can be worked out.

 

All I'm saying is that changing your approach to you treat him, talking things over will help. Getting upset about things you think you have a right to as a gf is okay but make sure there's not too much drama. If the guy is still unwilling to try, you know what to do.

 

@twofour: O.O I just read your other comment. Are you really okay with him sleeping with other people? This guy sounds like he's cheating... which is why he hasn't paid much attention to you.

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WAlien,

 

your story sounds soooo much like mine. I see my bf once a week, soon as he asks to do something i drop everything. He never drops anything for me. And yep, its just over 6 months down the road and im fed up with it. i was always making my self believe, oh if i dont see him now, i wont for another week. and yep, always ends in sex and half the time he used to send me home at 2 am on a saturday night.

 

ive talked to him in the last few days by getting up set over the fact there was no contact from him for 4 days and he's had 2 weeks off and i have seen him once. he tells im 'over reacting'. Now, i think i have to start being unavailable for when he wants. ive already stoped asking to do stuff coz i know it'll be 'i cant im busy'....

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@twofour: O.O I just read your other comment. Are you really okay with him sleeping with other people? This guy sounds like he's cheating... which is why he hasn't paid much attention to you.

 

oh sorry i didn't mean that, im not sure what i wrote, but he isn't sleeping with other people - well as far as i know anyways. id otn think he'd cheat.

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wow. how long did it last after that?!

 

yeah, im never a priority. never. ive seen him abotu 3 hours in an entire week.

 

it maks me feel that he doesn't want to see me, spend time with me, he'd rather be doing anythign else than somethign with me.

 

i haven't actually spent a WHOLE day with him. We've been together for 8 months nearly.

 

That was during college, it was finals time, but the semester after I was abroad. And that was the last night I was seeing him before he leaves for winter break back to his home town.

 

Stupid me kept hanging on until I came back from abroad, and then we broke up right before graduation because he wasn't that serious with me. Go figure. Should have broke it off right then and there that night.

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  • 2 years later...
wow. how long did it last after that?!

 

yeah, im never a priority. never. ive seen him abotu 3 hours in an entire week.

 

it maks me feel that he doesn't want to see me, spend time with me, he'd rather be doing anythign else than somethign with me.

 

i haven't actually spent a WHOLE day with him. We've been together for 8 months nearly.

 

---> i feel that sometimes too. well, how did it go after the break up?

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  • 3 months later...

I had to share somewhere my situation so here I am.

 

For the most part of the relationship my soon to be ex boyfriend has been taking me for granted. Especially ever since I moved in with him.

 

The ironic thing is, after I have been gone for about 3 weeks an hour away close to my college. It seems he has started to change his tune. Especially when I started returning his favor of not contacting him. Acting the way i used to do. He is almost a complete 360, but it is still not enough. The damage has already been done, and I have seen a lot of what I am not happy with.

 

So here is some of the things he got to doing.

 

He never thanks me for anything. Just goes through the motions. even when I carefully brought it up, it was as if he refused to understand that you should be thankful for what other people do for you.

 

He always is mindful what is going on with his children, but never does anything special for me. Those may say, those are his kids, they come first. No, the thing is if he is capable of showing them he cares, shouldnt he been able to do the same for a gf that he cares for? So its neglect. Its as if he thinks i am part of that package, but relationships need to be nurtured.

 

He is always wanting to work more and cares more about not being broke than spending any time with me. Not only does the kids make it a challenge, but his mother lives with him too. so there is not time alone or spending time. I had tried asking considerately, but I got barked at. then it was always me trying to get us to do things as a couple. he makes a good amount money as a diesel mechanic.

 

He never cleans, and then gets angry when I ask him nicely to pick his stuff up or not to leave stuff in the front door. the least he can do is be polite about it when I request him to pick up his own things.

 

Then he has a disrespectful attitude about me asking the ex not to stay for minutes on in to visiting and sitting around in the house. I dont trust her. She is drama.

 

This is so far what I can get in these few minutes that I have. I woke up one day with tears in my eyes remembering that I have had better than this. I have been with men that have treated me better. It took me moving away to move on. and then now it took that for him to want to change because hes probably getting lonely.

 

Of course these things arent the only reasons I am leaving. he's seems to have his life the way he wants and doesnt want to compromise. I shouldnt have to beg him, to care or show that he cares.

 

 

I am so glad I am getting out though it hurts me hurting him.

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