I feel ugly and stupid.

I have body image issues, especially concerning my small breasts. I have always felt self conscious about them, especially because growing up teen boys were cruel. I also dislike my face, well everything really, I don't like my body that much. My boyfriend lied to me over three years. He always told me he preferred small breasts, and that he occasionally watched porn, but amateur (which features everyday women) and just for the acts.

Well last night he was upset because he thought that I had been looking at pictures of guys, but I wasn't I never do that really, because I don't have the urge or anything. So I asked him if he did it, and he said that yes he looks up for pictures of porno women specifically. That he doesn't really watch amateur. That he likes looking at pictures of busty, skinny women with big butts and pretty faces. I felt devastated and just started crying, and he got upset. He said I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and that other women don't care if their partners like looking at other women.

Well, of course I feel bad, I will never look like them and he admitted he prefers big breasts. He'd said before that he masturbated thinking of me, watching videos thinking that I was doing whatever was going on in the video to him, but now he says he usually thinks about the woman in the video. to make things worse I talked to some male friends and they were all like "duh, are you naive or what? Of course he thinks of the woman in the video and of course he's not going to look for normal girls, that's the point of porn!".

I feel so upset, I'm contemplating surgery, despite the fact that I vowed I'd never get surgery because it's too vain, but I've never met a guy who prefers really small breasts like mine. I just don't know... and he disregarded my feelings, he called me childish and said I should understand him, but why can't he understand me, too? Why do i have to understand him if he's not willing to understand my feelings? It's not my fault that I was born looking like this. Now I feel so self conscious and don't want him to ever look at me naked again! Because he made me believe I had his ideal body type, but turns out I didn't. I mean, if he looks these women up, it's because that's what he'd like me to look like, of course! he never looks for women with small breasts or who look more normal, he always goes for the DDs... so that only means he'd be so happy if I wore a DD bra. It sucks, I didn't choose my breasts. And now I'm trying to lose some weight which means my breasts will only get smaller And I don't have a butt to make up for it!

I don't knwo I never look up pictures of guys, I just don't get that urge and those kind of pictures or videos do nothing for me anyway, believe me I've tried. i just feel so disgusting, pathetic and jealous now... especially since he won't make the effort to talk about it (he just avoids questions and gets upset, calls me a nag) or try to understand me

Well last night he was upset because he thought that I had been looking at pictures of guys, but I wasn't I never do that really, because I don't have the urge or anything. So I asked him if he did it, and he said that yes he looks up for pictures of porno women specifically. That he doesn't really watch amateur. That he likes looking at pictures of busty, skinny women with big butts and pretty faces. I felt devastated and just started crying, and he got upset. He said I'm making a big deal out of nothing, and that other women don't care if their partners like looking at other women.

 

Did you point out that he is a huge hypocrit?

Did you point out that he is a huge hypocrit?

The thing is, he thought I was looking for pictures of my ex friend with benefits, or other guys I know in real life, kind of like facebook pictures and all. Still, I hadn't been doing that. Not even in real life do I check out other guys, let alone online. So in that sense it's different I guess.

The thing is, he thought I was looking for pictures of my ex friend with benefits, or other guys I know in real life, kind of like facebook pictures and all. Still, I hadn't been doing that. Not even in real life do I check out other guys, let alone online. So in that sense it's different I guess.

So, out of nowhere he claims that you were looking at guys you knew/used to know and got upset? With what proof?

So, out of nowhere he claims that you were looking at guys you knew/used to know and got upset? With what proof?

He's just jealous of my past, because I was friends with that guy (my ex fwb) until he asked me if something had ever happened. When i told him, I stopped talking to that guy, and since I didn't tell him from the beginning that something had happened between us, he got upset that i was "making a fool of him", since the guy and I knew what had happened, and he just though we had always been friends. That's why, he's always paranoid that I talk to him, or in any way interested in him.

this guy sounds like a HUGE jerk!!! don't EVER change yourself for some stupid guy. you WILL frind a guy who loves you for YOU and not your bra size. trust me. lose this guy. he is a superficial, disrespectful perv and you deserve much better!!! everyone comes in different sizes and there ARE men who prefer small breasts. and ones who don't put much importance on it because they look at the inside more. sure u may find a guy that preffers bigger boobs but he wouldn't be such a jerk about it. or lust after other women. he'd love YOUR breasts because they are a part of you!

don't feel bad!!!! find a guy who will not be so superficial. breasts are nothing. it's you as a person that matters and there is a great guy out thee who will notice that and think you're beautiful.

he is so mean. you didn't do anything wrong.

Okay, did you guys actually ever read her previous posts? I think you'll change your tune if you do.

Okay, did you guys actually ever read her previous posts? I think you'll change your tune if you do.

yeah, I read em. what do u mean?

From what I read, I think you already felt ugly before you found out about your boyfriend looking at pictures of well endowed girls.

I think your boyfriend knew you weren't happy with your body, and you wouldn't like him looking at other girls, which is why he had to lie to you.

Many men like to look at pictures on the internet of good-looking girls.

If you were to search for naked pictures of men, I am sure you wouldn't go looking for fat old men, you'd be looking for the best looking ones you can find.

Point being, him looking at naked pictures of women have nothing to do with how he sees you.

Unless, you have been having problems in the sex department, and you feel he has not been willing to have sex with you as of late?

I think there is a reason why he is with you, and that is because he finds you attractive not only physically but also personality-wise.

There is more to people than looks, and I am sure he saw something in you that separated you from everyone else, reason why you're both together now.

These girls are just something pretty to look at but there is no substance, nothing deeper than that.

He likes YOU, not them. They're just an image that is used for a few minutes before he moves on to something else.

Again, you need to work on your insecurities, and accept who you are. Work on what you can, and accept what you can't.

These insecurities will ruin any relationship you get into.

You have to be happy with yourself, before you are happy with anyone else.

he doesn't sound like he likes you. he sounds like a jerk.

I love how all the women are getting all sistah-friend about this. If you've read her history, you would clearly know that no matter what her bf did or didn't do, support her or * * * * on her, she would feel this way and freely admitted it.

The issues are hers and hers alone, and until she accepts herself and loves herself, she could date 100 men or be single and still have these problems.

I love how all the women are getting all sistah-friend about this. If you've read her history, you would clearly know that no matter what her bf did or didn't do, support her or * * * * on her, she would feel this way and freely admitted it.

 

The issues are hers and hers alone, and until she accepts herself and loves herself, she could date 100 men or be single and still have these problems.

I haven't read her other posts. But, I gathered from this thread that before she went into her relationship, she had a lot of body issues.

Uglystar, you basically set your boyfriend up in a trap. You asked him if he liked large breasted girls, He, being a good guy, denied this and said he prefers your type. What were you hoping to gain by asking him this? Validation that you were pretty to him? Now you find out that you may not be his "ideal" physically and are freaking out. But THAT's the very reason he told you that you were his ideal. This is a no win situation.

If you can't handle the answer, don't ask the question.

I just wanted to point out that the guy was being a bit of a hypocrit for freaking on her about looking at pics of men, when he told her that women don't have problems when guys look at women.

I love how all the women are getting all sistah-friend about this. If you've read her history, you would clearly know that no matter what her bf did or didn't do, support her or * * * * on her, she would feel this way and freely admitted it.

 

The issues are hers and hers alone, and until she accepts herself and loves herself, she could date 100 men or be single and still have these problems.

I know she has issues. but that doesn't give him the right to put her down and treat her like crap. If he doesn't like her issues then he should just dump her. not stay with her and make her problems worse. But agreed, she should seek help.

he doesn't sound like he likes you. he sounds like a jerk.

I think he said all those things about thinking of her etc. because he knew how insecure she was about her body. He didn't want to make her feel bad.

But like I said, there is still a reason why he is with her, there is something about her he has to like, you are not with someone just because, you have to like something about them whatever that might be.

Him watching the videos and pictures, is not an attempt to make her feel terrible, but of course she feels terrible because she's not happy with herself in the first place, so this seems like an attack to her.

Either way, not everyone is ok with their other half looking at videos, or pictures of other women. So if the OP is not happy with this, then she should just move on and find someone that agrees with her.

But OP, you really have to work on yourself, and accept yourself for who you are.

"If you compare yourself to others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself."

-- Max Ehrmann

I know she has issues. but that doesn't give him the right to put her down and treat her like crap. If he doesn't like her issues then he should just dump her. not stay with her and make her problems worse. But agreed, she should seek help.

Okay, he didn't put her down or treat her like crap. From the OPs previous threads and own admissions, he has told her time and again that he loves her, loves being with her, and loves making love to her.

Again, he could do anything, right or wrong, and her issues would still be there, because they started with her, and will have to end with her.

How much more is the guy supposed to do than accept her and love her?

he told her he thinks about porn stars during sex instead of her...

he told her he thinks about porn stars during sex instead of her...

Where did she say that?

Okay, he didn't put her down or treat her like crap. From the OPs previous threads and own admissions, he has told her time and again that he loves her, loves being with her, and loves making love to her.

 

Again, he could do anything, right or wrong, and her issues would still be there, because they started with her, and will have to end with her.

 

How much more is the guy supposed to do than accept her and love her?

he loves making love to her even though he is thinking about other owmen? he couls try repecting her and trating her like a human being and not tel her he prefers other bodies. and looking at porn instead of her. thats horrible...

he told her he thinks about porn stars during sex instead of her...

That's so utterly shocking considering she always feels ugly and never feels sexy and is constantly down on herself at all times no matter what he does.

Yes, he's clearly in the wrong here.

he loves making love to her even though he is thinking about other owmen? he couls try repecting her and trating her like a human being and not tel her he prefers other bodies. and looking at porn instead of her. thats horrible...

Wow. I think we'll have to simply agree to disagree because I don't want to get banned dissecting your argument and handing it back to you in tattered little shreds.

he told her he thinks about porn stars during sex instead of her...

Then it's time to move on.

I still think the OP needs to work on accepting herself, and being happy.

If being with this person is just making her feel worse, then it's time to break up.

She really needs to be on her own, and heal herself before being with anyone else.

I think Cognitive_Canine absolutely nailed it. You have been playing verbal jiu-jitsu with your boyfriend and pretty much put him in an impossible situation. He tried to reassure you and confort you, but after all the nagging I guess he broke down under interrogation and confessed what is a pretty obvious fact: that straight men GENERALLY are sexually attracted to big breasts.

But here is the good news: IT DOESN'T MATTER.

It doesn't matter that your breasts are smaller or your waist is wider or that you don't bleach and over-perm your hair or wear those scary red long nails that the women in porn wear. It doesn't matter that your boyfriend gets turned on by looking at them doing their thing. It doesn't matter because THEY ARE AS REAL AND THREATENING TO YOU AS ARIEL FROM "THE LITTLE MERMAID".

No man who is worth his salt is ever going to expect real women to look like that. Porn is pure fantasy. The sex your boyfriend has with you is the real thing. To put it bluntly, if he's hard, he's attracted to you.

But people (not just men, people in general) don't like to be put in between a rock and a hard place. Don't go driving your boyfriend crazy about this because there is no better answer you're going to get. Yes, sometimes he looks at fake women with giant flotation devices attached to them, but what does that have to do with real life?

he told her he thinks about porn stars during sex instead of her...

I didn't read that, I saw him telling her that he lied about thinking about her when he masturbated/watched porn and was thinking about the porn women when he did that.

Not when he was with her.

The OP has basically let her own insecurities build a trap around him so he's screwed if he does and screwed if he doesn't.

He did go off on one for no apparent reason though. Sounds like he was spoiling for a fight.

But haexameron, if he had said that, then yes, he would be a b. There are some things that are too cruel to say to people, even if they are true.

ok fine, you men win. I have issues I need help, my head is messed up, he's clearly a great guy, etc., etc. By the way he used to tell me he loved making love to me. All I'm, posting now is what he told me last night. All this is new to me.

But how am I supposed to feel adequate if he likes bigger breasts? I have had to reassure him that I don't like big penises (I really don't they're scary and ugly). Once I told him a couple of friends and I found porn on another friend's computer and watched the video. He freaked out and started going on about how he has a small penis. See? Why is it ok for him to feel bad about his penis when i don't even constantly look at porn and not for me to feel inadequate?

I hate it because I can't do anything short of surgery to help my breast situation. i don't like feeling like second best, that's it. He likes something I don't have, and that makes me feel inadequate. Just like he feels inadequate when he feels he can't buy me stuff. He's always making comments about how my dad has a lot of money and that maybe I should just go find a rich guy instead of being with him, despite the fact taht unlike him I've never told him I'd prefer he was rich. See my point? He's just as insecure, the only difference is whenever he nags (especially about my past, another issue he's insecure about) I just listen to everything he has to say, and reassure him.

I've always had issues with my breasts and this doesn't help. I just hate feeling like he's settling. If he's looking at "better looking women" like you put it and big breasts are better, it's obvious that hed be a million times more attracted to me if I looked like that. i've heard there are men out there that prefer normal looking women with small breasts over fake skinny women with huge DDs, but I'm starting to believe it's a myth. I am a woman, and as such, I like feeling beautiful and sexy, because society expects us to be beautiful. Yes, I have issues from before, but his porn revelations don't help one bit, especially since he lied to me over 3 years, which makes me not trust him. Especially since he always judged me and made me feel bad because I lied once about a thing I had done before I met him, and always pointed out how he was honest and I wasn't, but he clearly never was either.

God... it seems I'm a freak! It seems I should just go to a shrink and leave this poor guy alone... I'm in the wrong, it seems. i hate being a woman, because I'm amotional about sex and I take it personally. At least if I was a guy it wouldn't be a strings-attached thing. I hate being emotional about it but I can't help it. Forget I ever posted, he's right I'm wrong end of story, me and my small breasts will just have to learn that big ones are better, we're inferior.