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Enduring Labor = Pride?


Batya33

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I apologize if this topic has been discussed already here. I knew in advance that I probably would want an epidural during labor although I was willing to try natural. What ended up happening was that I was in labor for approxmately 13 hours before getting an epidural (shortly after I arrived at the hospital -I requested it as soon as I was checked to see if I was dilated enough, I was), I then spent another 8 hours in labor/2-3 hours trying to push, that didn't work and the baby was nearing a distress situation so I had a last minute c-section. I was very upset/disappointed that I needed a C, but I got over it. After all I had a healthy beautiful baby, what else is there?

 

Ok that's the background. I am troubled by the view that making it through natural childbirth is put forth as a huge accomplishment/source of pride for a mother to the point that she will endure days of laborand take risks (well, there are degrees of risks of course) so that she can "accomplish" this.

 

Now, I understand there are supposed to be health and other benefits to the baby if there are no drugs used, and perhaps it is thought that it improves bonding at birth, etc. I don't disagree that there probably are health benefits (and I guess it's easier to heal from natural childbirth than a C section), but I am a little skeptical.

 

Mostly, I don't think that any woman should be made to feel badly if she chooses not to endure the pain and opts for drugs (or agrees to a C section even if it's not an emergency). And, a woman who goes through natural childbirth shouldn't see herself as any stronger than someone who doesn't, especially since there is such a variation in pain levels plus the person's tolerance for pain.

 

Thoughts?

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i can see how someone would be proud. its probably close to the equivalent of a bunch of guys standing around one bragging about how they didnt need a dolly to move the washer.

 

Its the idea that they endured/accomplished something difficult without the aid of something else. they 'did it all on their own' so to speak.

 

i dont look down on anyone who chooses either way. but i can somewhat sense where that mentality can come from.

 

that whole 'i suffered through this' is something women have held over men for thousands of years (lol) doesnt surprise me that women amongst themselves would find yet another reason to feel superior or elitist about it.

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I had a scheduled c-section. I never felt labor pains or any of that. I also will not have another child, he's it for me. I can honestly say that I am damn glad and proud of the fact that I did not have to go through labor. Natural childbirth is great for some, but NOT for me. To each, their own. I also know that I dont handle pain very well. The more pain I have the more stressed out and anxious I get, so the more stressed out the baby would get. Plus I was already having blood pressure problems.

 

Natural=nope...

c-section=yeahhh!

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I'm right with you Batya.

 

I wanted a natural birth too but thanks to my pre E I got induced 3 weeks early when my body was nowhere near ready for labor, and the pitocin made my contractions intense right from the get go. I also wasn't allowed out of bed to walk to advance labor, and wasn't allowed in the tub for pain relief. I lasted about 7 hours without the epi and then asked for it. It didn't work (I had a student anesthesiologist put it in! Ugh!) and they injected dose after dose which numbed my legs but not my back or abdomen. I felt every contraction. After 26 hours I needed an emergent c-section anyway.

 

To be honest my priorities changed very quickly to having a healthy baby and surviving labor myself, but I agree with you that there is a stigma out there for women who choose pain control during labor being not as much of a woman, or being 'wimpy', and it, frankly, is silly. Every woman's childbirth experience is different. There may be women who went through natural labor and delivery and say it wasn't painful. And others who found it excruciating. For me it was definitely uncomfortable/painful.

 

In the end we all birth a child, whether it is 'natural', vaginal, surgical, whatever. We should get props for that- it is NOT easy, no matter how you get there, and my experience was no less difficult than a woman who had natural labor- to be induced and have no change to adjust to the buildup of contractions, and then after 26 hours of that have to endure emergency surgery-- not easy.

 

When I was in nursing school doing my maternity rotation we had a saying, "No one gets an award for going through the pain of labor without pain relief. In the end you all go home with a baby. If pain relief makes the experience easier, more productive, etc for you, there is NO shame in asking for it. Childbirth is painful!"

 

Although I was a little disappointed that I did not get the natural childbirth experience I would have liked, I quickly let it go, as having my beautiful daughter and being healthy and able to love and care for her was more than enough joy and satisfaction for me.

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I don't understand why motherhood has become a competitive sport. All mothers claim to know what's best for other mothers, when really each mother would know only what's best for their family. I've heard stories where women walk up to other women who are feeding their baby out of a bottle and they get all self-rightteous and start preaching how "breast is best" when really they have no effing clue what's in the bottle or if it's even the kid's mother giving them that bottle.

 

I say raise your family tthe best you can and tell others to mind their own business.

 

That may have gone slightly off topic. Apologies if it did.

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I was given the choice of a c -section or normal birth, and at the time it was more dangerous for me to have a c-section. Because of the fact I did not have a bump, and they'd have to make the cut differently. And I could hemorage? and that baby could/may have been the last baby I'd have if I had a c-section due to complications of the cut, they may have had to give me a historectormy. So I went for a normal birth. (Not a 100% clear on details on the birth, may have a few things mixed up but this is how I remember it)

 

I'd go for the normal birth again with this baby. As I don't know how people cope with a c-section. It's got nothing to do with pride, or anything like that. I don't like the fact I'd have to be cut open.. and then struggle for 6 weeks, and not be allowed to drive. Plus it doesn't release the hormone that releases milk I found out in my last class. Or soemthing similar.

 

And I have my pain relief class tomorrow so I dont know a LOT! Other than Gas and Air is best option for me personally for pain relief. As epidural and Pethadine both make the baby sleepy, and I don't want to make breast feeding any harder than it's going to be. Which a sleepy baby will do so.

 

So I'm just choosing to make it easier for myself, and the baby.

 

And about bonding, I read/was told that as long as skin to skin contact is made at birth the bonding process begins. Also calms the baby down I'm told.

 

I would do ANYTHING to bring my baby out safely, weather c-section or labour. I was given a choice with my last daughter, but was adviced it would be better to go through labour. If they had told me she would have better chances of survival by c-section I'd have done that. But they said the chances of her living were low with both choices, so I thought of my health and my future to have more children since her chances weren't effected =(

 

I really don't think it matters, as long as the mother or baby is not at risk. It's there choice. My sister in law chose to have a c-section with her first, then a normal birth, then with her third opted for another c-section. Each to there own.

 

All that matters is that your going to love that baby.

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I don't understand why motherhood has become a competitive sport.

 

 

women are by nature very competitive. especially when it concerns mating and reproduction.

 

i have to admit after i read this sentence i immediately thought of a bleacher full of soccor moms yelling for their kids to beat the other kids butt or something. . .

made me smile

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I had a scheduled c-section. I never felt labor pains or any of that. I also will not have another child, he's it for me. I can honestly say that I am damn glad and proud of the fact that I did not have to go through labor. Natural childbirth is great for some, but NOT for me. To each, their own. I also know that I dont handle pain very well. The more pain I have the more stressed out and anxious I get, so the more stressed out the baby would get. Plus I was already having blood pressure problems.

 

Natural=nope...

c-section=yeahhh!

 

Just to add to this Cat- a c-section is major surgery! It is painful in itself to recover from and even more challenging with the demands of a newborn to care for.

 

I remember when my daughter was in the NICU dragging my sorry behind down there every 2 hours 24/7 to nurse her and it was hard to get out of bed because you use your abominal muscles to do that and you can't after a section! I was quite uncomfortable for a good week afterward.

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My sister really wanted a completely natural delivery, but after about as many hours as you, even though she was fully dilated, her contractions weren't strong enough. They were already terribly painful, and she couldn't imagine even stronger contractions and tolerating that level of pain, so they gave her the epidural (so they could administer pitocin.) It was that or a C-section, and she was enormously grateful she didn't need the C because of the epidural, but at that point, it wasn't "natural" as she'd planned.

 

We discussed the very issue you are talking about later, and she said while it bothered her it couldn't be natural, she is very grateful to modern medicine and would do it in a heartbeat again -- and said, "Hey, I don't know why I should have to go through unbearable pain just to prove a point. If help is there, I'm gonna take it." Her attitude was very pragmatic, and I commended her for that.

 

You carried a healthy baby to term for 9 months. At an age that is not considered to be prime child-bearing years. I think that's quite an amazing accomplishment. Birth is only the final step of that long process of being a biological mother, and you did all the rest, for the better part of a year, with your body. That last step is where a lot of women have died throughout history/prehistory, and thanks to modern technology, women and their neonates have a great advantage. I think birth that causes distress to the baby, and then more possible complications just to know you're doing it naturally is not what birth should be about. It should be about safety, first -- and it's not like getting an epidural and all those hours are for a weakling anyway! It's still a painful ordeal and a procedure involving some risk, which is invasive. As is a C-section. So you still soldiered through. I have not had a child (unfortunately), and think of what you went through and shudder, so that's got to tell you something.

 

Also, remember, a lot of women say their natural vaginal deliveries just went smooth as pie, and they didn't have too much pain. While those who had medical interventions underwent over 24 hours of intense pain. So who is the "braver"?

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Mostly, I don't think that any woman should be made to feel badly if she chooses not to endure the pain and opts for drugs (or agrees to a C section even if it's not an emergency). And, a woman who goes through natural childbirth shouldn't see herself as any stronger than someone who doesn't, especially since there is such a variation in pain levels plus the person's tolerance for pain.

 

Thoughts?

 

I agree 100% Batya. As you may know, after extensive research (knowing all of the risks and details of the surgery and talking with my doctor), I had a totally elective c-section (wouldn't get pregnant otherwise). My son ended up being almost 10 pounds anyway so it turned out that it was the best decision for me medically afterall. But I had planned for the c-section before I even conceived. I had him in 10 minutes and didn't feel anything, not even pressure. It wasn't traumatic. There was no rush or emergency, and I knew the date and time I would go in, and had spinal anesthesia that worked very well. If I had him "naturally" I dobut the experience would have been as peaceful as it was for me. The day he was born was one of the happiest days of my life. I can think back on that day and feel only good things.

 

Having been on the receiving end of nasty comments and dirty looks from other women I have to say that I think the choice for birth method is a very important and personal one. I would never tell another woman what to do with her body in general, and certainly don't welcome people telling me what to do with mine.

 

And, a woman who goes through natural childbirth shouldn't see herself as any stronger than someone who doesn't

 

My take on it is basically: She can see herself as stronger. More power to her. I just don't want to be lectured about my choices and my body. I trust women to do what it best for themselves. I respect other women's decisions and hope they respect mine, and if they don't, hope that they at least have the class not to berate me.

 

One of the reasons I never posted on other Pregnancy Forums online is because women get in really nasty debates with one another. Natual childbirth vs. drugs, breastfeeding vs. formula, you name it- they flame. The Pregnancy forum on ENA was the only place I felt "safe" posting.

 

No woman should be made to feel guilty about her personal choices. Pregnancy and birth are such a temporary and fleeting part of motherhood, that no woman should be judged as "strong" or not based on such a short, limiting experience.

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I don't understand why motherhood has become a competitive sport. All mothers claim to know what's best for other mothers, when really each mother would know only what's best for their family. I've heard stories where women walk up to other women who are feeding their baby out of a bottle and they get all self-rightteous and start preaching how "breast is best" when really they have no effing clue what's in the bottle or if it's even the kid's mother giving them that bottle.

 

I say raise your family tthe best you can and tell others to mind their own business.

 

That may have gone slightly off topic. Apologies if it did.

 

I agree with this,

 

I'm kind of fed up of hearing my sister go on about how amazing she is and how I should follow her example when I have babies... Love her to death, but shut up please.

 

I have already decided I will have a c section, rather than push a melon out of myself, not about pride for me. To be honest I just really don't wanna deal with the pain

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what i cant understand to some extent is why a human delivering a child has become so damaging and risky compared to other animals.

is it because we arent breeding out correctly?

i have to wonder if the medical complications have something to do with it also. the whole rush rush rush stress stress stress part.

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I can only go from my experience. My water broke at 6:00a.m. and by 7, I was in excruciating pain that just got worse. I had signed up for natural childbirth and that is what I stuck with. It was painful, but come on, women gave birth for centuries with painkiller! It's painful, but doable. On the bonding, I have always had a good relationship with my son. I held him seconds after he was born as I was alert and not out of it or half numb with drugs. We bonded immediately and he never, ever, went into the nursery. The nurses told me that this happens a lot with natural childbirth mothers, they bond quicker with their babies, are not as tired, and refuse to be seperated from their babies. I was the only mother on my floor that had her baby with her at all times, I was also the only mother who had natural childbirth. My niece has had three C-Sections and really isn't close with any of her children. She has given one to the father and has nothing to do with him (he's now an adult and it's mutual). The others still live with her but CPS has been called several times over the years because she is abusive.

 

Now, I know she is probably not typical of mothers who have had C-Sections, this is just her. Still, the moment of birth, when I pushed and heard Kevin's first cry, is one of my fondest memories. Iwas the one who pushed and gave him life. I felt him being born, I was numbed by nothing. This is the greatest thrill a woman will ever have!

Are women who insist on going natural when they are in trouble gambling with their baby's health. Quite often, yes. My doctor wanted to give me a C after only 6 hours of labor. Mind you, it was six hours of final stage, piggyback labor, but still, it was only six hours! I asked if there was a midwife available because I wanted the fetal monitor off, the cathteter removed, and all modern conveniences done away with. That was done, the midwife was brought in, and my son was born quite effortlessly ten minutes later! She just change my position, that is all, and spoke kindly and reassuredly to me.

If that hadn't worked, of course I would have gone with a C, but I think women give up too easily these days and don't want to go through any pain at all! Yeah, that may be easier I guess, but they are missing something beautiful!

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I'd go for the normal birth again with this baby. As I don't know how people cope with a c-section. It's got nothing to do with pride, or anything like that. I don't like the fact I'd have to be cut open.. and then struggle for 6 weeks, and not be allowed to drive. Plus it doesn't release the hormone that releases milk I found out in my last class. Or soemthing similar.

 

 

Just to clarify, you do release the hormones that stimulate breast milk production and let down no matter how you deliver (you actually begin to produce milk about halfway through pregnancy, but the delivery of the placenta whether it be surgically or vaginally is what stimulates the hormones to 'let down' the milk.) It does, however, take a bit longer for your milk to come in following a section. Mine came in about 5 days post partum and I did breastfed my daughter, but have since stopped as I've gone back to work and don't have time for a bathroom break in 13 hours let alone time to pump breastmilk needed to keep up my supply!

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As a woman who's decided not to have kids ever, I get a lot of flack from people about it. All the way from I'm less of a woman if I don't to the fact tha I'm selfish. I don't care. I know what's best for me. And it seems motherhood is too much pressure as it is, not just from a child but from others as well. I'd rather not go through any of it.

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Just to clarify, you do release the hormones that stimulate breast milk production and let down no matter how you deliver (you actually begin to produce milk about halfway through pregnancy, but the delivery of the placenta whether it be surgically or vaginally is what stimulates the hormones to 'let down' the milk.) It does, however, take a bit longer for your milk to come in following a section. Mine came in about 5 days post partum and I did breastfed my daughter, but have since stopped as I've gone back to work and don't have time for a bathroom break in 13 hours let alone time to pump breastmilk needed to keep up my supply!

 

Yes that is what I was told at the class, she said it was more like 3 days but could varie. But even with my normal delivery with Sophie, my milk came in 2 days after birth... But then I wasn't breastfeeding so maybe that was it.

 

god knows.

 

=D

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As a woman who's decided not to have kids ever, I get a lot of flack from people about it. All the way from I'm less of a woman if I don't to the fact tha I'm selfish. I don't care. I know what's best for me. And it seems motherhood is too much pressure as it is, not just from a child but from others as well. I'd rather not go through any of it.

 

Nothing wrong with not wanting kids. There are enough breeders in the world as it is. What's selfish is when someone purposely brings a child into the world they can't take care of for their own selfish wants.

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As a woman who's decided not to have kids ever, I get a lot of flack from people about it. All the way from I'm less of a woman if I don't to the fact tha I'm selfish. I don't care. I know what's best for me. And it seems motherhood is too much pressure as it is, not just from a child but from others as well. I'd rather not go through any of it.

 

I actually find that very non-selfish.

 

A lot of people probably only have kids because its what they're supposed to do. Which makes for a lot of unfit parents.

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That's wonderful that you got to experience birth just how you wanted and planned. If only it worked that way for all mothers-to-be.

 

Remember though that is your experience and pain levels and experiences are very personal and individual. What may seem like a breeze to one mom is agony and unbearable to another, so IMO it would be very inappropriate to assume that because your experience was not bad for you that it wouldn't be for someone else. One thing I have learned as a nurse is that it is absolutely essential to understand that pain is VERY subjective and individual, and 2 people with the same surgery or disease may feel very different, and that is completely normal, expected, and should be treated as such.

 

How you give birth to a child doesn't equate what kind of mother you are either. I had a section (as described above) and I kept my baby in my room with me 24/7 also- she was breastfed and always with my husband and I, and I had her on my breast skin to skin within 20 minutes of my delivery ( as soon as I was stitched up!), I was in the recovery room with a warming blanket, the shakes, and had vomited and still had her with me and was getting to know her, counting her fingers and toes, talking to her and we were smelling one another and getting to know one another. To assume because you had a surgical birth that you will not bond with your baby as well or will be a bad mother is also grossly unfair and incorrect.

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Thinking about it now, I might have been able to handle all the way through without it, but you are never sure how long it is going to take. As it was it was another 4 hours after the epidural and then the emergency op after.

 

Studies have shown having an epidural is a double edged sword. For some, it can slow down a labor pattern and cause further intervention. For others, it relaxes them enough to allow for dilation and delivery.

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