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Thread: Boyfriend easily aroused. Is this a problem?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Sep 2009

    Boyfriend easily aroused. Is this a problem?

    My boyfriend and I are both 27. We've been together for 8 months. I know he loves me and is very attracted to me, but I'm wondering if he is the one with a problem or am I.
    When we give a long hug, he gets an erection. He also likes to touch OFTEN. He'll just grab my breast randomly or place his hand between my legs. I know we're a couple but there's a part of me that feels like it's too much. I feel like he thinks about sex with me all the time. Like I said, he adores me. But I definitely do not always want to have sex. When he does this, it actually turns me off. Recently, we were at a wedding. We were slow dancing for the first time ever and I swear he got a semi. This bothered me. I was wondering if people noticed, and it made me think. I view slow dancing as a sweet romantic thing. Why is he getting aroused? I wasn't being sexy. We were actually joking with each other and laughing during our dance. Is this normal? I just always feel like he's poking and prodding at me and if anything, it makes me uninterested and annoyed. I'll say something about it and he gets all embarrassed and says it makes him feel like he's doing something wrong. Am I the weird one? I'm starting to wonder if I'm just turned off because this happens every time we're together or is it possible that I'm just not as sexually attracted to him?
    Please help me!

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    The Middle West
    aww, he gets turned on whenever he's around you.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member arcadefire's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2008
    I don't think there is a problem with him being aroused when he's with you, but randomly grabbing your breast and stuff when you're just hanging out seems excessive.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member _Asti_'s Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Oh thats my guy to a T.
    I'd hoped that things would die down, but after 6 years...we still can't even cuddle with him poking me.
    I've had to come to accept that he's a sexual being, it's who he is.
    He loves affection, closeness, intimacy and everything sexual.

    But I do feel the same.
    Its the fact that I can have it whenever I want that sort of makes me...rather indifferent about it.
    And at times its rather annoying to be sharing a sweet moment with him having an erection...but I really know that he can't help it.

    It's something we 'battle' over constantly.
    And he has to make effort to not be overly sexual..and when that happens I'm the one jumping him! So I think they are definitely related in some fashion.

    I can't really explain it..but it's who he is.

  5. #5
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    Hi Typsygypsy--
    This has happened to me in a relationship, too. It made me nervous because I wondered if he got aroused every time he touched or hugged other women! So I asked him. He explained that because he loved me and because we were in a serious sexual relationship, touching me triggered that arousal response. Touching ME, not other women. I was flattered. It always pleased me and turned me on. However, I have to admit, after many years, I did begin to wish he had a more romantic side and less of a sexual side. I knew he loved me very much but I still felt like he only desired me sexually (vs romantically). After many years, our relationship changed drastically. After that, he stopped getting aroused when he hugged or touched me. Age may have something to do with it, too. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know he is normal. As far as how you feel about him, you'll need to explore that a little. Maybe explain to him that you want to have a little non-sexual romance from time-to-time. He may not be able to control his physical response, but he can redirect that energy to romancing you rather than having sex with you.

  6. #6
    Platinum Member WomanWriter's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2009
    New York
    My ex used to get like that and I felt the same way you did. He said it was because he loved me and that I should take it as a compliment. He said love was very tied in for sex with him. Whenever we'd laugh together or be happy, the love he was feeling would make him want to express it sexually. I used to get pissed off and accuse him of just justifying his horniness. One day he wrote me a letter that said he felt "bad" and "dirty" because I made him feel like "wanting" me was wrong. He said that he cared about me emotionally and intellectually and that translated into physical, not vice-versa.

    I regret making him feel so bad. That was one of the many ways I contributed to the end of our relationship. I didn't trust him. He said I always thought he had bad motives when he was being sincere.

    So my advice to you is to TRUST HIM. You guys are only young once. Be honest and tell him you don't like him grabbing your chest in public, but do realize that someday you will probably wish you could go back to this time (I know I do).

    He gets turned on because the thought of you laughing and being close to him turns him on. That is a huge compliment. He could just be horny for everyone, but he wants YOU...because he loves YOU.

  7. #7
    Platinum Member D_Lish's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2008
    England UK
    I'd find it embarrassing....

    I wouldn't want a 24/7 horn dog, it would turn me off.

  8. #8
    In the Dark
    Platinum Member In the Dark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    Somewhere to the right of Australia
    I guess it varys from person to person in the way of how much affection is too much.
    But at the end of the day him finding you sexually attractive is important.

    Since it's too much just let him know.
    Save it for later.

  9. #9
    Platinum Member Jd1983's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2009
    I'm sure your boyfriend just finds you irresistible and he can't take his hands off of you. My boyfriend is the same just as well, he is constantly horny but I realized that's just the way he is. He has a high sex drive and so do I.

  10. #10
    Gold Member Cardinal's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2006
    Sounds like his sex drive is just much stronger than yours.

    From your slow dancing example, I'd say many couples get physically turned on by it. If I was slow dancing (lets say alone) with a really hot girl, the only way I wouldn't get a semi is if my equipment wasn't working quite right. I'd expect that. I think you are confusing your typical reaction (sweet romantic thing, not sexual at all) and expecting him to also see it as sweet and romantic as well.

    but do realize that someday you will probably wish you could go back to this time (I know I do).
    And this as well.


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